Comedy Roundtable

John Heffron (Recorded Live at the Punchline Comedy Club)

February 22, 2022 Comedy Roundtable Season 6 Episode 53
Comedy Roundtable
John Heffron (Recorded Live at the Punchline Comedy Club)
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Show Notes Transcript

What is your go to karaoke song? Is the age of fifty-two a bit too old to be on the pom pom squad? What is a phrase that your significant other could say to you that would be music to your ears? You travel back 100,000 years to a cave that will eventually be discovered by archeologists. What do you put on the wall to mess with? John Heffron took a break between sets at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta, Georgia to join the Comedy Roundtable and answer these and other great lightning round questions, and to discuss his thirty plus year comedy career.  John was one of the earliest guests on the show and returns for another trip around the comedy roundtable.

Energetic and accessible, acclaimed standup John Heffron shares an array of relatable experiences from childhood through life as a married father in his act. He’s learned a thing or two about relationships with family, friends, and even himself along his journeys, gaining an astute, uniquely honest perspective widely praised among his comedy peers. Audiences of all ages relate to his enthusiastic, hard-won wisdom, recognizing how often the path to maturity is marked by universal triumphs and failures.

You may know him as the winner or NBC's Last Comic Standing or early on as Danny Bonaduce’s wingman on Detroit’s Number One morning show, Danny Bonaduce and the Q Crew. He has appeared on he Tonight Show , Chelsea Lately, The Late Late Show, HBO, FX, VH1, A&E, and CMT, and he has two separate Comedy Central specials and an hour long special on Netflix: “Middle Class Funny."

In the podcasting realm, Heffron has guested on WTF with Marc Maron, The Joe Rogan Experience, and Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank. He is currently the co-host of the hilarious podcast Heffron and Reep with his co-host Jon Reep.

The categories for this episode are Music to My Ears, What the Hell and Forbidden Fruit.  This episode was recorded at the Landmark Diner adjacent to the Punchline Comedy Club. 

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brand new episode starts now. Jamie Bendele Jamie, Hernan Adam. Hey, Megan. Good. All the way home. Strong, strong. And that was really good. Thank you. I appreciate it. All right, we are with our guests. If you hear a little background noise tonight it's because or today we're recording it at night. I don't know when you're listening to it. Maybe they maybe when this is hitting your ears. We are surrounded by people waiting to get in to see a show by our guest this evening. comedian John Heffron. Haha, John John, author, author stand up comic non non canceled end of comic but yet all my albums are office Spotify, so I guess I'm kind of cancelled. Is this a Neil Young thing? Or is this a yo Spotify took about 30 or 40 comedians off of their platform? Wait before all this happened? Because 40 of us were asking for I don't know, weird thing, money playing content and you're charging people the content you're paying. That's crazy. It took it off, which is weird, because so are Kelly convicted. Yes. Sex child trafficker on Spotify. John Heffron, who talks about mom haircuts off a Spotify so you know what you need to do? Right? I need to get myself cancelled. Yeah, the problem is my comedy. I don't step on toes. I am the matchbox 20 of comedy. I'm just there. Yeah, you don't hate me. But you're indifferent. Yeah, you don't, I'm not gonna make your top 10 list. But if you actually listen to an entire album or set up like I really like, okay, so and I mean, this as a compliment. Okay, you and I have been friends for a long, long time, right? Is that the same as saying no offense, but no, no, because I, I, I started talking before I'd fully fleshed out my thought. Okay, so now I'm qualifying my thought. Alright. So my experience seeing John perform live is people love his show, and really enjoy it. Because it is a style of humor and a style of presentation. That in point of fact, is becoming increasingly uncommon. Right, I would say you are a traditional stand up comic. Good club. Yes. Comedian. Yes. Right. How dare you say that? Okay, if comedy was like 80s music, I probably still play. I have some synthesizers, right? In my in my stand up. Cadence some saxophone? Well, I haven't. Yes. I haven't ever gotten rid of that. So it's almost like retro trendy. Oh, right. So what I was going to get at is people see the show and say, Wow, I really love that. I like that more than I thought I would. Right. Which isn't to say that they didn't think they were gonna like it. Going into it. It's just they didn't realize how much they missed it right? Until they got to do it again. Right. That's what comedy clubs were used to be about that so that's when I went to comedy clubs. And I had fun like that's what it was about right isn't getting canceled a forum marketing at this point? Yeah. But if I was to say I was anti anything, let's even go anti Vax, which is funny to me, the comics that are anti Vax, were, you know, I know a few that will do Kokin install, care what was going in their body but not but now we have suddenly found religion. Now we're gonna be careful down just enough yummy. I know, a lot of ecstasy in the 90s. No problem, what they were throwing into the body. Now we're gonna make it. But not even vaccine is I think even too big a thing. But let's say I just went, I'm not performing it in place that wants you to be helped or whatever, right? I would sell more tickets, and I can name which I wouldn't. I know five guys that went that route that are filling places that were controversial. But their audience is now changed in their audiences. Now, the people that think that there's a chip in the back? Yes. Not. Right. So now that we get the smartest people, no, they're not sending the brightest. They're not sending that there's some right. That's why I stay away from all of that, because I enjoy people who liked me and I don't I don't want like, yeah, I would like more of crowds. Did you play the crazy card? You're gonna get the crazy audience. And I'm just bad at doing current stuff. That's so I have no opinion on stage, whether you're left or right. So I'm sure that we'll know that. But I know guys that have flipped it. purposely made a decision going. I'm going to in my older years now, right? I've been getting more spiritual. Yeah, but I saw a documentary on this woman who I've never met ever. I've never seen her do comedy, but she's a Christian comic and makes like $30 million a year. Wow. So she performs at like all the Joel Olsteen type, right? mega churches. And then so I watched her set and it's a great story, but it was literally like, I'm a Christian woman. My husband doesn't know how to pee in the toilet as a Christian like it's the same same marriage material, but the throw in in the thing. So I was telling somebody go, Okay, watch this. I go I'm gonna pick a lane and for a month I'm gonna stay in that lane. And we're gonna see if I move the dial. So where do I go left right by the Christian comic? Am I because by x always been clean anyway, right? It's literally anyways, I just don't know enough about the Bible throwing some references wouldn't be funny if next time we did a podcast No, I made $30 million. Yeah. Yeah. The most popular What is your cut off bicycle oriented content? Do you have a megachurch? Otherwise I'm out. Alright, so let's reset here real quick. So the format of the episode we have three topics from which you get to choose your topics for discussion this evening. Our music to my ears forbidden fruit or what the hell? I'm gonna go music to my ears. Music to my ears. Are we allowed to say hell with you being a Christian? I am ordained minister. That's a good start for the Christian. You're already there. So music to my ears clockwise or counter clockwise? Clockwise. Alright, clockwise starting with Adam. What's your go to karaoke song? go to karaoke would be Randy Travis forever and ever. Amen. Beautiful. Nicely done. Oh, damn. Zen dog tomorrow, man. Yep. All right. Send me a lullaby. Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do. God. Oh, honey jaw stuck on his nose. Out he goes. Sleepy. Sleepy. You're newly married. Yes. What is the phrase that your new spouse could say to you? That would be music to your ears? That's a tough one. I don't why am I having a blank? Okay, I got one newly married it just this is a if we're doing it at songs. I'm gonna keep it I'm just gonna go Hello. Hello again. Bom Bom. Bom Bom. Bom. Bom. Bom. Bom. Bom. Just so simple. Hello. Music to my ears. Such a great song I've ever met. Pom Pom squad. 1987 When I wrestled was practicing that song. Yeah, so to this day when I hear that song, I think of pom pom squad. So yes, newly married almost any wrestling and on the pom pom squad. I was on a pom pom squad up until last year. Okay, let me go because I was 52. Okay, that's when you age out. I'm trying to remember what were those classic pom pom squad. Cheers pom pom squad didn't do in our high school didn't do cheers. Oh, they would do dance routines to songs. No. Okay. So yeah. Not unlike the cheerleaders that were like Hey, pick the VP we want a victory. Yeah, so it's different. Do wrestlers get cheerleaders and they're called mat rats, which probably wouldn't fly now calm at all, they would like be on the mat. And they would do this like almost like a bone bone. Like so they'd hit the mat and that clap so it's a lot of hitting the mat then claps very nice. Yeah, there's something about wrestling somebody and you look over and you see five girls staring at you. It varies like I better I do something I should do something something primal something that says losing this way in front of them there's not acceptable Yeah, my legs are spread to kind of see the butthole right it's not a good fully exposed here, but I gotta pay this guy. pin him down and turn to the cheerleaders give a little wink. Right. Right. Yeah. All right. That's gonna wrap it up for for segment here of this episode with comedian John Heffron, we'll be back with his choice of the next rounds questions right after this don't go far on the deck when I hit the red button is that we record Yep. So we're recording now Well, I don't know we'll find out later but things read what is read but I don't know if that's the right shade of gray literally just said was red but that's Is that is that? Is that red or is that that's definitely red looks red to me but are so you're telling me we're not recording? Glasses, so I'm gonna put my glasses on. Oh yeah, that's red recording. gratulations Welcome to the recordings. You need glasses to tell the difference between red and green right there. It's a little bit darker red, but then if I put my glasses on. Oh, that's red. Yeah, it's still red though. I'm colorblind. That's why I got these glasses. Glasses don't help colorblindness. I mean right now, I can't tell and then I put them on. Oh, yes, red. It's working. You're making fun of me because I didn't know Red was recorded and Green was not Oh, hold on let me put my glasses on check. Oh yeah, yeah alright, so it is comedian John Heffron, who is our guest this episode Jamie Mendel, Jamie, Hernan Adam. Hey you. So at some point the guest should get the extended last name. It doesn't make sense at all. No, never mind contextually. I think I had a dumb idea. Alright, so your choice for this round John are the remaining of forbidden fruit or what the hell? What the heck? What the heck is that? We go with what the heck? Yep. All right. What the heck, starting with Adam, you suddenly traveled back 100,000 years to a cave that will eventually be discovered by archaeologists. What do you write on the wall to mess with them? I probably do like a QR code. Oh, yeah. Do just a QR code. Yeah, we don't know you look at all those ancient whatever could be alien tech hieroglyphics. Has anyone ever just taken one big picture and see where your if your phone just sent you to a website? Right? What what website would have sent it to you? I don't know. I would think I would change they would have the internet. And but I mean later when it comes back? Oh, no. They might think of the internet because of the hierarchy. Would that be if you set up a website now? Rick rollem. I would have I think I probably just the greatest Rick Rule of all time early of the world. Yeah. Earliest man had QR codes. Maybe from aliens. Yeah. Rick rolled. Yeah. It's Never Gonna Give You Up mother. Friggin cave. And then when Rick Astley releases the song, it's just a cover, right? Like they knew about this 100,000 years ago. Alright, so in a 1979 skit on Saturday Night Live, Steve Martin and Bill Murray did a skit called What the hell is that? As they gazed off, Steve Martin proclaimed, Hey, you kids get away from there. And Bill Murray added I would not mess with that thing. And Steve said, Don't put your lips on it. What the hell was that? Get away from there. Don't mess with that thing. Don't put your lips on it. I don't know. It was nothing by the way. So Oh, I got it could be anything show like what what? Do what would prompt those statements? Yes, exactly. Don't put your lips on. Fat. No fat. No, no, no. I mean, that just makes sense. Yeah, there I mean, what you know everything else is just gonna be like away from that rose gamble. But fentanyl you're saving lives. Yeah, you're saving lives. Wouldn't that be the oddest superhero talent to have is you are like the admonish or the admonish show up in dangerous situations. Don't touch that. Get off that rail. Yeah, well, I gotta get down from there. Oh, my God, it was the monitor shows up like Yeah, yeah, it pulls the kid out of the pool. When was the last time you ate? Yeah. Right. Hi, someone crucibles right before. So that's it. But then if you do it, he's told you walks away. Look at look at all the bad stuff. stop you. He's just gonna encourage you not to do it. Alright, so what is a thing that for other people is non consequential, but for you is like, nails on a chalkboard? I have Well, being a performer on stage, I have a million a million things. Eating, eating loud bugs me? Ooh, loud eating as a new as a new husband to that if a spouse eats loud, you will find that that is the most annoying thing, probably for me is for being in a bar business for 33 years, right 35 weeks a year being at 35 different bars. Yeah, you know, is the distance the server is from the trash can and where they decide to underhand throw the bottles of beer? Oh, yes. There's some that are playing cornhole and we'll throw it from halfway across the room do not like that. But there used to be days where you'd hear blenders or, like stuff. I I'm a big thing. If I hear extra stuff, it starts to get a little unwind. Like I get like that if people are talking like if I'm just start telling me any story I'm going to do what bugs me that other people do. So I was walking across the street today. And yeah, you know, I was avoiding cars left and right and yeah, and and then and then so and you got across right you got across the street, right as it came flying. Right It was Yeah, so people who do that yeah. I literally I know someone who does that and I can't Oh came to tell story painful. Go you're just saying the last two words that I said you're not even listening to what I don't even listen to that thing drives me nuts. I know a loud talker. I mean, not allowed talk are allowed eater. Yeah. And so I adopted theme music that goes with the meal that's being consumed tomorrow. Home Did you say home spoiler alert the music team is having pizza. Classical Italian. Yes. Very good. We do that with when we make dinner. I ask Alexa to play certain playlists. It's now become my, my helping dinner. Yeah, everyone's like we get steak. What do I keep asking? I go acoustic acoustic alternative. Alright, perfect vibe. We will take a break and return right after this Alright, so we're sitting here in the diner. Yep. And we're doing our interviews we are indeed and in walked inconspicuously. notic a set of maybe 10. Gentlemen, I'm putting it a 12 to 1512 to 15. Gentlemen. All in suits. Yeah. And we're in like a diner diner. Each of them have a lapel pin. Yep. And there's something fishy about a guy with a lapel pin. Actually, one guy with a lapel pin is fine. I don't mind watching guys with the same lapel the same lapel pin. Yeah, that's Secret Service. That's a cold. It definitely could be a cold. I think so. But I'm just telling you if it's like a fraternity or something like that, and those were the guys that I was rushed. I would run from that fraternity house. Right? It'd be like, please don't like you want to try it. Our fraternity. diner. I need a server there. We're already there. I love landmark. Don't get me wrong. I love landmark diner. I am not hanging out. Alright, so you show up at Landmark diner. You see these guys, you know that you're going to run? Do you at least get the free meal from landmark diner. So I mean, I go in I rushed them. I would definitely eat the landmark. I love landmark. Right, but I would run right away afterwards. Yeah. So is it like can you get at least like an appetizer? Or if you go full meal? Are you stuck? See here's what I do. I open with the pie. You open with a pie. Yeah, just go straight to pie. That's a solid pie and then get out. That's the Solomon. Hey, guys. You know what? It's great to be with you. You know what I love? I love a good pie. Let's start with a pie. Yep. So we talked a little bit about music. What's your favorite music based movie? Like you know, movie that's kind of really about the music. And I'm going to give you not just a musical, but you can have a movie that's really more about the music. I would say Footloose. Okay, I'm going to say you say Titanic. I'm gonna hit you in the face. Well, then Titanic. Out. What do you say? Number one? Yes. Empire records. Really good. Right soundtrack. Reasonable acting. I'm gonna say Reality Bites as my movie. Ah, that's Reality Bites is pretty good. It's a music based movie. Right. I don't think the soundtrack holds up. Oh, that's not hold up. I don't think so. I don't think if you were to say we're going on a road trip, play this through no skips. That one holds up. Disagree. And that would be my criteria. You have to listen to the whole soundtrack. No skips. Agree to disagree. Let's go back to the guest. Our guest this episode comedian. John Heffron. Actually, you have your own podcast with John Reed with John Halford and rape jump over there. We'd like it. What a creative name cuz we wanted it to be like an 80s kind of old school morning show. Oh, yeah. For an MRI. Yeah. In the morning. Yeah. Like we have a bunch of those bumpers and stuff. Nice. Yeah, we shouldn't want to cuz I heard a podcast recently that fakes like their morning show. Oh, seriously. And that idea? I've always I've just not did full on. I didn't fully commit and brace bumpers and stuff, but they they do all that stuff. I'm like, It's genius. Yeah, I might still do it. They're a rock station. I might do a soft rock. Morning Show. Totally. Why? Yeah. Listen while you work. Yeah, yeah. Playing your hits without the 80s 90s today. All right, we are down to our last of our three topics this evening. And this is forbidden fruit. Would you like to change the direction? No. Adam stars. What movie do you love, but nobody talks about? And the whole world seems to have forgotten about vision quest. Ooh, interesting. Okay, great movie. You don't hear it, like ever talked about? Yeah, nobody ever talks. I'm gonna I'm gonna watch vision questions. Matthew Modine Matthew. Man, who was the movie? Isn't that pretty sure about every Matthew Modine movie. What else is a good one? Close point blank. Ooh, another good one. totally forgotten about though. Titanic. All right. Your question. That was a really great song about this guy. Who's getting out of his mouth what I'm writing here I can hear you. What is one thing that the world says you should not do that you'd like to see normalized forbidden fruit that you things that you should not do? How many things went through your head that you edited out with that? I think you should be able to roll the blade or skate wherever you want. Wherever. So sick. The savage man tell me I can bury my board. Run it across the stairs here. Wherever ended when did riding a bike off the sidewalk? That kind of thing you want to write on the side on the sidewalk sidewalk murdered by a car driving by bikes are made for sidewalks and you jumped and there's a whole thing you went to people's yard to yell They don't need to be in the road with the cars. I think if you have a BMX bike, you should be able to ride it on anyways. It should decide if 10 speed you might have to be on the road. The BMX bike can be written anywhere though, right? I mean it's it's it's off road. It's sidewalk, it's not the ocean, the ocean you can't write down BMX bike, not for long, briefly, there is rideshare for bikes. Right? You can do those you can rent the bikes, you're into bikes, you like the tandem or there's two and you know, but I'm just saying the pull up but also like the scooters like the bird scooters, yes. But there's never been a app based rollerblade rental where I could just find a pair. I could find a pair right out here on the sidewalk. And I could rollerblade to my next destination. Ah, ooh, an Eric shot app. Yeah. Why don't we have that? I don't know. We just maybe came up with a million dollar idea. Just so rickshaw rides off the side. You need two people and it's your job to figure out who pulls in who sets but we basically make an Uber app out of for rickshaw drivers. Yes, right. Is it first one to it first one to touch it rides second one driving that's almost will be depending on friends like that. Some you and your crew have to figure out Yeah, no. Driver, no dress and I'm not saying I'm a hero. I'm not saying I wear a cape or not. I nobody's saying that I on my way down here this evening. had a friend that was going to a restaurant nearby. I agreed to drive them to drop them off at their reservation on with a rickshaw you know, but I but to your point about being friends, we coordinated our activities and we were both going in the same direction. Oh my god, this is literally the third time I've heard the story. I'm telling the story. Like do you get a good buddy badge? No, I Okay. agreed I'd we go five for five on the regulations. I drove a friend to a restaurant if you do with a rickshaw up a hill that's a good buddy badge. Alright, Jay, my question for forbidden fruit I listen to a podcast about regrets. And one of the categories was about boldness so what is a decision where by boldness you could have done something but didn't because you felt like it was a wrong thing for you to do oh this these are questions are deep boldness that I didn't do should have jumped out of that plane should have taken that right I remember I used to come bottles at the grocery store I worked out when I was like 14 or 15 and a dude came in with a garbage bag full of gross as bottles I had to count I should have chucked the bag back at him in his hand in there and counted themselves I think about that guy a lot. Still, John ever thank you for being here for so much. Easy to search do it. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Good set. We're gonna come into watch find you on social media. Where Yeah, find me. I don't tell them like the A team. I don't give you exact if you really want to find me you're gonna find you will find me if you don't know where to find him. You can hire John F Ron. Alright, comedian John Heffron joining us in this episode. He's about to go. Take the stage here at the punch line comedy club in Atlanta, Georgia, where we have recorded this episode for Jamie, Jamie and Adam. We'll catch you next time