If you were given the power to poop one thing every time you go to the bathroom for the rest of your life, what would that be? It is safe to say your answer will be different than our guest, comedian Katherine Blanford, who tackled that and many other great lightning round questions.
Katherine is an Atlanta-based comedian who tours all over the Southeast and has opened for comedy heavy hitters such as Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White, and Rob Schneider. Katherine has featured at The 10,000 Laughs Fest, Laughing Skull Comedy Festival, and Red Clay Comedy Festival. You can catch her as a regular at The Punchline Comedy Club. Her debut album, Salt Daddy, will premier in early 2022.
Her film work includes credits as a co-writer of the short, My Lethal Weapon, which was featured at The 2018 Dam Short Film Festival and The 2018 Atlanta Film Festival. Katherine hosts a podcast called Cheaties with Lace Larrabee, a salacious podcast about cheating.
By day, Katherine works as a Pediatric Waste Management Engineer (aka “nanny”).
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brand new episodes starting now Jamie vandal Jamie Hearn and Adam Hey, our guest. This episode is the talented Atlanta based comedian and host of the well regarded relationship based podcast called GDS Ms. Catherine Lanford Catherine, welcome to show. Thank you for having me. We always give our guests the choice of three subjects to talk about your choice of three subjects, our music to my ears. Yep, forbidden fruit, forbidden fruit, or what the hell? And you just order you want to do them in oh, we're going? What the hell? I can't do music. Okay, we'll see you in the third line. Yeah, that's okay. All right. So we will start with what the hell clockwise or counterclockwise counterclockwise? Alright, counter clockwise. Starting with Adam. All right. The next time you defecate at the bathroom, a genie comes out and says you can poop anything for the rest of your life. But it can't be money. What do you choose to poop for the rest of your life to replace poop and replacing poop? But it can't be money. Okay, I got it. You got it? Yeah, okay. This is gonna sound weird. No. Questions pretty weird. Yeah, I would every time I pooped. I would like a cleaner. A cleaner is made. Is that an old thing to say? No. No, like a maid. I would like a cleaner every time I poop, which is once a day to clean my house that day. Oh, oh, do you think passing a maid would be difficult? Well, what? In my thinking of it? Yeah, just lost about 150 pounds, right? It's like a capsule that just shoots out and the mood jumps out. And then a mage jumps out. It's a really cool answer. If you do say so yourself. Yeah, there's a good answer. Do they wait for you to finish? Start? No, they start cleaning right away. I just shitted a made a made man or woman don't it can be either. A minute so you suddenly have become everybody's favorite houseguest? Oh my God. It is like, let's have Katherine come over and do sit up and clean this place up and they're like, here surely oops. Once a day. Right here. We get her before she maybe she gave her some cards to chew. He was supposed to give her some coffee. I think people we slip in you X lakhs all day long. Yes. Yes. Yeah, you'd have so much fiber in your system. Everyone's inviting me over for coffee. Okay, but here's the ethical question, do you still have to pay them? I'm going to put it as a magic made now. But we'll see when you go to someone's house. And if you have to go use the restroom, you kind of want to be subtle about it. But if all of a sudden the maid walks out and starts cleaning, they're like, oh, it's Catherine in there. Who was your guest? I don't want to be so excited. They're like, No, no, here she goes. Here she goes. It's gonna be just walk out of the bathroom with you. What are you guys doing? Honey, stop cleaning Katherine's pooping. Yeah, it's gonna be taken care of in a second. No one's ever thought about this. Yeah, it's a good answer. That's a good answer. It is a good answer. If you do say so yourself. It's great. All right, question number two. All right. Who in your life or in the comedy world generates the most? What the hell? thoughts in your brain? Can I say me? I don't do we, you know, ask the answer. Just yeah, you've opened it up. You know, it does seem your last answer. Pretty much open that one, right? Yeah, it's me. I surprised myself the most. And I say that from having conversations with comedians every night. Right? And listening to myself. I make up words. I say the wrong word. Sometimes you say the right words. Which last answer. Yeah. Boom. Right. But listen, own it. Yeah. If you accidentally say you're gonna poop a maid you just like I'm gonna I'm gonna run with it. Yeah, we're gonna go with it. I might have misunderstood the question, but I'm gonna go poop the maid and just roll with it. Right? Yeah, yeah. Alright, so your podcast is relationship aid cheese. Yes. Anti relationship base. You could say what is an example of a What the hell moment from someone's failed relationship? Okay, well, the most What the hell because we interview people about their experience in a cheating situation and they could be cheated on. They could be cheating. They could be the other person. Okay? The What the hell always comes when it's like, you're like, dude, what you should have gotten out of there. Or it's just the most obvious clues and they're there. They're just choosing not to see the clues. And that's the most obvious what the hell situation easier to say it on the other side. Harder to say it in the in the moment in that kind of relationship. Yes, in those kinds of relationships. But when he's sleeping with another woman in your bed consistently. You're like, what the Hell Yeah, nobody's cheating on you. Or yet or I opened up a box that he was going to ship to his his co worker. Yeah. And the box contained pictures of my son who has red hair with a letter that was like I saw this little boy at a picnic. One day we were at. They were at a family picnic, and it was her son. Mike, are you following me here? I am very specific. I was like, you know, I just saw this little boy to picnic and I want to take a picture of him because I want us to have a kid one day and I want our son to look like this one day. Oh, that's creepy on so many levels. Kind of a red flag. You hear me? Yeah, what the hell, but we hear crazy things like this. And then she continued to date him. It's a fine line because you're interviewing these people and they have volunteered your story. So you can't just slap across the face. All right, we will verbally slap this segment across the face by ending it right here. Alright, we're back with more of this episode and comedian Catherine Blanford moment Tito stick around so guess what, guys, we've got a new sponsor, new sponsors. We haven't had a new sponsor in a while. I know it has been a long time. I love sponsors. Who's our sponsor this time? Tell me it's a genie that gives wishes. Our sponsor is a polishing wipe. Or genie lamps. Oh, but doesn't activate wishes. Right? So you can clean without activating wishes. That's a that's an amazing product. Yeah, it gets a little bit old, right? Every time you trying to clean your lamp, the lamp genie comes out. Maybe three wishes? And then you got to do this. It's an issue. I don't know technically how those lanterns work genie lamps. But once the genie is out, are you obligated to make a wish? Or you can I wish for the genie to go back. But you burned a wish? Yeah, I do think though it's a great product. I love this sponsor, because oftentimes, I understand from people who have these lamps, even when you're dusting them. With just a duster, you can activate the genie. And honestly, sometimes you don't want genies in your house. Right? Are you saying that there's times where you could like brush the genie the genie comes to life and you didn't plan on the genie coming to light. I'm just saying you brush the lantern just with this, like a glancing blow and glancing blows on. It's a full Genie. But now with this product, you can go ahead and clean off dusted off this rabbit as much as you want. And then the genie if it's if it's sterling silver, you can go ahead and use silver polish with you. I mean, you can really get in there and no, it's new. It's actually NASA technology in these things. And that sounds like a helpful product. It really is. It really is amazing. Because I know that there are certain times in people's lives where just the most glancing of blows on their genie lamp and the genie appears Popular Science says there's three big movements in cleaning and it is Swiffers it is Febreeze and it is the genie lamp. So if I need a product like this, yeah, I mean everybody does. Even if you don't have a genie, if you it's good to store up on them. Well, you can not have a lamp. It's good to have one in case a lamp comes into your life later. So if you just clean the place where the lamp would be, yes, totally helpful. Also cleans. Let's go back to the guest. Episode continues now with comedian Catherine Blanford. We are here live as we record it in the landmark diner also home of the punch line comedy Club. Jamie, Jamie and Adam we have two question topics that remain she shall choose between those remaining now music to my ears or forbidden fruit for vetting for forbidden fruit starting with Adam. What is one experience every human should have? Do you understand the concept of forbidden fruit? Has anybody said bombing on stage? No. Oh, yes. You think everyone should bomb on stage once? 100% Okay, no one Well, not everybody will but everybody should bomb why? Onstage just to give respect to those that are doing right even if it's a comedy singing or whatever. Yeah. Karaoke? I don't care. Just bomb for a second so that you just you Yeah, just so you can respect when you go to live entertainment. You could respect what they're doing up there. But as an entertainer too, isn't it you have the bomb? She can really feel the high as well. Right? Oh yeah, I mean I'm not even saying it for the entertainer Oh, I'm just saying everybody everybody bombs this bomb just fail at something in life. Yeah, but in a live entertainment state Okay, yeah, I was thinking through like we don't want everybody to experience being a bad surgeon no or police officer Yeah. Lousy police officer like I didn't even know you just like you brought in front of an audience yeah bomber bomber from an audience audience so that you become a good audience member. Ooh, that was a good answer. All right, you are given the power to outlaw one generally acceptable thing. What becomes forbidden fruit? Oh, people making the sucking the snot back into the throat. The back of throat sucking sound. I will go to jail one day for killing someone. Yes for doing that too much. Oh, you do it. too much. No, I can't stand I will go to jail for killing somebody. Yeah. And then harming them because how many times can they do it before? It's, too is enough for me. Yeah, that sound triggers me into a reality. I want to be like you do you know what you know what you're doing, you know the sound that you're making? Right and you clearly it's grotesque to everyone in humanity. All right. So what is the one thing that you cannot resist not doing? Ah, so many. Oh, okay, you're not supposed to do it, but you can't resist not doing it. Okay, sometimes as a nanny, I will like I will let make the children feel really guilty. Oh, they have a nanny. Oh. Yeah, cuz that bad. No, I mean, that's interesting. You're so entitled, I think it gives them perspective. Yeah. It's bad because they're kids. And they have a choice. No, but as the nanny sometimes you gotta drive perspective. And I have to be like, so let me let me let me put you let me knock you down. Can we get real for a second? Kids? Can we get real for a second? And I want to be like, so all these things that you have me as a nanny, this isn't? This is a lot that a lot of kids don't have. If your mother loved you, she would be here right now instead of me. Yeah, right. I don't go that route, but I really let them know how shitty they can be sometimes. Wow. Yeah, that doesn't happen. Or is it a the these good things can go away? Well, sometimes when I push to a brink, I'm like, Hey, if you I'm not gonna come back. Yeah, that's bad. That really will eff up a child. But sometimes I get like, okay, Mom has to come back. Catherine does not Yeah. Goodbye isn't gonna come back. Yeah, I some I sometimes I get pushed to that point. That I can't say it. It just It spews out of me. Yeah, I get it. It's not I just don't walk in on Monday saying that don't feel good, but it happens. Yeah, we're like I Yeah. Or I'll just yeah, that's my I just I will say that and that. That's gonna be so scary to a kid. Like, like this figure in their life that they door. Like, a proxy. Proxy mommy. She's like, you know how baby's mom died? Yeah, I'm out. I don't even have to die. I can just walk. I can bounce. Yeah. And you know what? It feels so good to say it. Yeah. It really does. Kids lock it up after that. They're like they do they get a little wide eyed and they're like, whoa, okay, okay. We're going down for a nap. He was running around the end. He just would throw stuff and run away. And I just I was like, you can't? You can't just throw something walk away. It's still there. You had to pick it up. There's no fairy. Typical. There's no fairy. That's gonna pick it up after you. And he was like, Well, yeah, there is you are. Oh, I was even talking about that story. Wow, we really do. And then I was like, Listen, I'm not gonna come back. If you ever say that again. Whoa. Good for you, though. But yeah, probably appreciate that. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like they're like you're kind of messing up our kids. It's hard nanny is a hard because you don't have the love for the kid. The unconditional love. But now with nanny cams, you have to really know that. And that's really really so you find pockets of just turn your back to the camera so you can say whatever you want. Find the deadzones yes, we're gonna come here and talk. Yes, Brady? No, yeah, they know the voice that comes from the side of my mouth. Stop. Yeah, all right. We're gonna shut off the nanny cam on this and come back with the last of our topics music to my ears. We'll be back with Catherine Blackford. Right after this did you ever have a nanny growing up? did not. Did you ever have a nanny for your kids? I did not. Okay. This has been a good talk. Jamie. Any nannies nannies. I didn't have a nanny but one of my close friends did. It was a male Manny Manny Manny, and it was about the most fun we could ever have. You had access to a car he took us around. It was the greatest was he grooming you? Now that's a petty Hey. So did you guys notice our guests shoes? I didn't. These might be the coolest shoes I've ever seen. They're high tops. But they're also high heels. Boom. So she looks like she's wearing high tops. But she's actually putting on a good six inches. What's your favorite shoe I know you often wear Oh, I'm all in all about the boots. All about the cowboy all about the bits. You love the cowboy. I live in these boots. I can't say mine because they're hard to find and I don't want to affect the marketplace. Okay, but it's it's it is a type of it's a very specific shoe. But it's a type of what tennis shoe is it? Okay. But is it a runner or tennis shoe sneaker? It's a sneaker. Well is it a tennis shoe or sneaker? It's a sneaker, generic sneaker. I don't even know. Honestly, if I was gonna search because I'm looking at them. I was gonna search for these. I'm not even certain how I would go. Okay, so you would just search sneaker and it would show up but your favorite is a sticker. I like the old LLB moccasin. Oh, yeah, those like LLB mock skins just slip on this. They're great. Like a doc cider. Yeah, like a doc cider. Almost. But not quite a doc center. It's more moccasin every time suede. No, no. Avoid all all water. No, just leather with a Rubber Soul. So let's find out a little water. We should do an Amazon gift listing in case any listeners want to buy us gift. Oh, cuddly. Yeah, we'll do like shoes, the secret sneakers and some LL Bean shirt. You can't do secret sneakers. Yeah. Well, then vandal and I'll be rolling in shoes. You're sitting there with your secret stuff. Anyhow, I was inspired by Catherine shoes. Let's go back it were actually very interesting. I kind of liked it's a good combination, because it hides the heel. Yeah. And it gives you it's like street cred and high stable elevation. Indeed. Let's go back to the guest. We are turning towards the conclusion of this episode. But we have one last round of questions asked comedian Catherine Blanford. Jamie, Jamie and Adam. The only remaining topic now is music to my ears. We do give you the option in this last segment to change the direction of questions from counterclockwise to clockwise. Yes. All right. Starting with atoms the best answer comfort artists, whether happy or sad musical artist, ah, black keys. My keys. Were all Simon. I like black keys. That's a band that can get you up and can when you're down and also feels good with a sunroof open driving on a nice day. Okay. Yeah, that's good. Cool. Some Yeah. And then that actually was a good answer. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I like my answer. Which mashup of musicians from wildly different genres. What do you like to see? I have the worst taste in music. Okay, I'm obsessed with Grace Potter. Do you know who that is? Yes. She's fantastic. And who else Grace Potter and wildly different genre give me like, like a chi go like I want like a chi go like, dance like version of hers. You know, they've made Yeah, like, you know, they would make some Whitney Houston songs like, give me a grace Potter. That song. That would be an amazing song. Okay, what is the professional compliment that you could get? Which would be music to your ears? You're so good. I would love to give you a million dollars to do this show. Do this show. That's music to your ears. Yep, you're like yep, I am and boom, favorite song. Yeah, thing you just said. What does the person look like that's coming up to you and what's the set doesn't matter. It does not matter. They are a blob. It doesn't matter, faceless, shapeless, they support it doesn't matter where the money's coming from. I don't care. Because at that point when I shit I can't have a maid come. Right. Bring it all the way back around. That's how you do it professionally. People. All right, Catherine. We sure do appreciate it. Listen to the cheese podcast, where podcasts are found everywhere. All right, continued success. You're always very funny on stage here all around Atlanta and around the country. Very easy to find on social media Catherine Lanford It was fun having me