Dayna Pereira

brand new episode of comedy roundtable begins right now. Jamie Bendele Jamie, Hernan Adam. Hey, oh, it was kind of short I abbreviated, a little bit short because I want to say right now which include if you haven't pulled up a chair, grab one right now we have safe space for you as we always do we have a terrific guest this evening, Ms. Dana Pereira. Welcome to the podcast. Hey, she is the host of the trophy wife life podcast, comedy and self improvement podcast hosted by your favorite participation trophy wife, featuring comedians, podcast hosts, authors and entertainers of all kinds, Diane and her guests discuss the challenges and adversities and that they had to overcome to get to living their version of the trophy. Wife, life. Welcome to the show. Hey, you nailed it. You know, I'm a little disappointed that you guys didn't lead with Judge I really think that we were on to something there. JJ. We got we got Jaggi in the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've been Yeah, we've been working with a marketing group and the judge is still testing in our in our test groups. Yeah. I think it'll be good though. Because it sounds a little like that. So you know, like, you might turn some people on with it. That's right. First thing people think about when they see us. Sounds like Chad, which is not great. Which is, you know what my teenager tells me different. Yesterday in the car, my 15 year old told me that if somebody says like, Dude, you're such a Chad. Oh, it means like that. We're the greatest. Oh, okay. So this isn't one of those things that flip every 15 Who told him that Chad? Chad was the judges it's like it's like all those Karen's that keep saying no, don't care. It's good. It's really good. Love being carried. Alright, so Dana. Yes. Talk a little bit about being a trophy wife. Yeah. Well, I can't say much to being a trophy wife. But I can talk about being a participation trophy wife, right? Because I didn't quite nail the trophy wife thing. I mean, one I'm older than my husband, I think to be an actual trophy wife. You have to be like younger. And like nail the old man. Yeah. Didn't check that box. Yeah, didn't check that box. Nope. You know, I'm also not killing it on a daily basis. You know, there are times yoga pans are my friend. You know, I get to stay at home which is cool. In the trophy case, yes. In the trophy case, you know, at least you didn't mount my fucking head on a wall. You know what? I may not be killing it every day. My kids are loved. My husband's loved. We're generally happy. So you know what, I get the participation trophy. I'm doing okay. I might not be knocking it out of the fucking Park. But I'm doing okay. Yeah. I think that more families should figure out their day by handing out a game ball. Yeah, right just at the end of the day before bedtime to be like Hey, buddy, I think you have today's game ball. Yeah, and the risk of that one kid just repeatedly doesn't get the game ball. I mean, sure. That's how it is on every team. That's why everybody ultimately by the end of the season gets a game ball if you're a good coach, you make sure everybody gets the game ball. So you work your way down the list and eventually you tell your kid or say hey, you start with weakest kid first every coach knows weakest kid always gets first game all because you never know when they're gonna maybe do anything good ever again and the rest of the season. Okay, so you tell your kid you didn't start a fire tonight? You didn't there were no riots. You get the gamble way to go. You figure out what you can what you can celebrate. Yeah, you also have to kind of like count on the fact that I'm not a narcissist though. And like, Oh, come on. We got the game ball again. I fucking killed it today. I think that there are many, many people who give themselves a game ball based on depth of the glass of wine. They pour themselves Oh, mine are strong pours every time that's given yourself the game ball. 100% Right. Yeah, for sure. You're getting more than three glasses out of a bottle. You're not pouring enough glass right? It's a two and a half. Absolutely. That's you were like speaking my language. I feel like we just connected on a really deep level. If you're gonna go three glasses, why not go giant margarita glass and not have to pour another one. Just go one glass. One glass. Yeah, I'm not saying I'm above it. I'm not saying I haven't used a big gulp. Alright, so shall we move to the first of our round of questions should be reasonable. So our three subjects this evening are goats. Okay. All right. worst in the world. Okay, and bad habits. Okay, so which of those would you like to choose first? You know, I love a goat. Let's let's go with goats. All right, we are going to go with goats. Would you like to go clockwise or counterclockwise? Oh, shit. We got options here. Okay, let's go against the grain counterclockwise counterclockwise starting with Adam. When you Think of the greatest of all time. Who do you think would be the greatest of all time? Trophy Wife? Oh, ah, Peggy Bundy. Bundy. Whoa, nice answer. That's a solid answer but not expected. Yeah, she was the greatest she sits her ass on the couch. She bosses people around she pops bonbons in her mouth and she's still smoking hot with those birds. That's right. Love me up. Peggy Bundy. That's good. All right. So besides your own of course, who would be the greatest trophy? wife's husband? Oh, okay. Ricky from I Love Lucy. Whoa. We gave you the questions. I well. So first of all, I can be non responsive, because I don't have a good recollection of Ricky Ricardos. He put up with so much of her bullshit and like, there were deadly. It'd be like Lucy, but he still was there. And she was I mean, she was just off her rocker sometimes, which I completely appreciate. And so I just think like for a man, that it was like, Yes, I still love you. Even though you're a little batshit. Crazy, you know, like, and then he was also really hot, but there's like singing and dancing and stuff like that. So yeah, here we go. So my question, in your opinion, what is the greatest prom theme of all time? Oh, okay. And when you pick that theme, what is the song associated with it? Okay, so we took a hard question and made it harder. Here we go. Yeah. Like, I don't want to say like under the sea because I dis like that theme. But that's the only one in my head right now. I'm gonna go prom theme 80s. Okay, and what's the song? What's the song? What's the song? Fuck, that's not that. Great. I feel like that would be wrong for a good song for a year. Yeah. And we're trying to keep those kids from not fucking Yeah. I'm picturing they just crowned the King and Queen of the Bronx. They walk them out. And then suddenly on the radio, this song comes on. It's like it's me and Michael J. Fox coming back to the future. And you're like, you're like that would be the song. Fuck yeah. I actually went to the prom in the 80s. My real prom was an 80s prom. Oh, right. You were a 90s problem. I was Dana. I was I was a 90s 90s. Yeah, Jamie, you were a 1990s. I was like King of the prom in the late 80s. You were king of the prom until like, No, I was never actual King. How many problems did you go to? I went to like six prom seven. Really? Seriously? Six or seven problems. I was always at the prom. Wow, you really going to prom? You were the go to prom. I was I love to dance. Were you dating a girl who kept getting expelled? No, never at three, two, like how many times did you repeat your senior year? No, right? Oh. Wow. I'm surprised you didn't pick Mean Girls theme. Surprise. You didn't pick Mean Girls as your favorite theme. All right. That's gonna do it. For our first round. We'll be back with more of our guests. Dana Herrera, the trophy wife life podcast host we'll be back in a moment I'm going to prom. We rented a bus, a group of guys and I we rented a bus to take all of us in our prom dates to the prom. After the prom, we're gonna go to a party. And you didn't want to wear your tuxedo. So we're gonna get like a bag to change right and bring it on the bus. I get out of the bus with my close friend. We both lean into my trunk to get our bags out. I take my bag out and I close the trunk. He was still in the trunk. I closed the trunk on his head out the corner of the trunk goes gouging right into the back of his skull. So he was like, oh, geez, you really hit me hard. And I was like, okay, and I'm like, are you okay? Are you okay? And he starts, like, feel around the back of his head and I don't feel anything. He's like, I think I'm okay. And we go and we turn to get back on the bus. And as he says, Adam, we've got a problem. And I turn around and it's full Freddy Krueger, like he's got his whole hair is now blood, and His face has turned to blood like head wounds bleed, like nobody's very bloody. That would make for a great prom picture though. So literally everyone else we get to get on the bus and I'm like, I gotta take price to the emergency room. And so we go to the emergency room and he is date. And me and my dad go to the emergency room to start off and he gets I think 24 stitches into his head. We still made the problem. Yeah, But it was a it was full Freddy Krueger his hair was soaked with blood. Yeah. All right, we are back for our next segment with our guest. It is the comedy roundtable. Hopefully you are enjoying this episode as we are having a delightful time with our guests this episode. Ms. Danna Pereira. All right. We have two topics remaining. Those topics are bad habits or worst in the world. Ah, all right. You know, I'm just going in order here. Let's do worst in the world. All right. worst in the world, starting with Adam. All right. Ice creams. What is the worst ice cream in the world? Hmm. You know, they have some really crazy flavored ice cream days. They're getting pretty nuts. So, and maybe this might shock you. But I'm gonna go with vanilla. There's so many options out there. Yeah, if you're gonna be boring enough to go vanilla. That's the worst one. Interesting. It seems so conservative, right? It's like, what are you afraid of? If you're eating vanilla ice cream plain? You do it. Missionary? Yeah. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid you might actually experience something in life? Yes. Yeah. There's there's more out there. You don't fucking throw some whipped cream or a cherry on there? Yeah, if you get vanilla ice cream. Do you have to just buy toppings even if you don't want them just to avoid judgment? Probably. If I was the cashier I'd be judging. Oh 100% judge. You know what? You look great for a person who buys vanilla ice cream. Exactly. The person that buys among our customers who buy ice cream. You look great. Or sometimes I think vanilla is okay. Like I think it's okay. It's a soft serve. Right? Like I'm just gonna get like a word for I'm gonna like run through Chick fil A and get a get a cone or something like that. A little vanilla cone. Dana's point though. That's your only option. That to your point. Yeah, that is when you when you go to the grocery store and you have 1000 flowers and you're like, you know what, I'm I'm really happy when I'm feeling the bass flavor. I'm just gonna go could you imagine the guy that looks at like french vanilla to exotic. I'm staying with that French beam nursery but the doula been I actually want to live in a weekend. Crazy. All right. Which world leader would make the worst husband for a trophy wife. It's a really a crapshoot between like Putin and Kim Jong Jong moon. You know, like, they're, it's like, they're both just terrible. Like, there's so many bad world leaders out there. That it's like, if I woke up and I had to see any of their penises. I would probably like half to take myself out. Like, I'd be like, I'm taking my I'm removing myself from this equation. I'm out to say this now. This is of course, current Putin. Shirtless Putin on a horse, you know, still no, so no. Fuck no. Judge shirtless Putin on a horse. Like it. It makes me want to stab forks into my eyeballs, remove them, swallow them and shut them out. You know, and I also don't I want to thank you. I my 47 year streak of not thinking of Putin or Kim Jong Hoon naked ended tonight. But it was a good streak, you know, for them to be acting the way that they are. It's because they're Pac and nothing. overcompensating like Whoa, yeah. You gotta wonder how many of the world's problems have actually been that I would actually tell you that there's probably almost peer reviewed papers that say that, that get at that exact theory, but it's just doctors on that theory, right. Some of the most notorious figures in world history have all had some inadequacy that they tried to satisfy through conquering of other cultures. domination of other people. Yeah. 100% There goes our penis enhancement sponsor. Yeah. No, I think we just sold him. Alright, so my turn for worst in the world. Indeed. Right, Dana, if you could, in the briefest way possible. Please explain why my dog Teddy is the worst dog in the world. Oh my god, fucking Teddy man. He's you take so much attention away from everybody else because he's so cute. And nobody else gets the attention or the love because everybody wants to give him the attention and the love. And he's the fucking worst. Thank you. All right. We will be back with more of our guests. Miss Dana Pereira. This is the comedy roundtable. Don't push your chair back just yet. We have one more segment to go we'll be back So I think it's actually a little surprising to hear that something as widely regarded as, okay, is also the worst, like the middle ice cream, like a vanilla. And I think the reason that donut or ice cream is on so many menus, and it's so easily found is because it's a default, okay? It's like the Goldilocks of ice cream. It's not too hot. It's not too cold. It's just right. It's just right. It's just right. It's not necessarily something that you would go out to seek. No, but if it's available, you'll take it. Would you rather have vanilla ice cream or sherbert? I will never ever voluntarily choose sherbert. I completely agree. I think sherbert is, is one of the most horrible things server is the ultimate cop out of desserts. Now, as a sherbet fan, you are sherbert Finn, and it's sherbet. Not sherbert sherbet. It is sherbert. It's sherbet, sherbet sherbet. Well, that just makes it even that much worse. Honestly, I can't believe you found something worse than vanilla. So here's the thing. I think so little of it. I've never bothered to learn how to say it correctly. I mean, there's nothing like a champagne shirt. That says disgusting. So you're going to basically take something that can't even be bothered to be flavored ice. It's this no man's land. It is the worst. It's basically Hi, sweet. Hi colored Groasis. Although if you mix a little vanilla in there, it's amazing. Then just just go be don't sherbert cover it. Yeah, and just make it vanilla ice cream sharpened. I can't believe our guests was ripe staying off the phone looking up whether it's spelled correctly or incorrectly because I don't even read that far on the menu. I don't even look at it when it's in. I don't even make eye contact with it when I'm in the frozen food section. And when if a if a waiter came by that table and said, Oh, we have a lovely shirt. I shut down. I'm not listening. We have a lovely Shirt Day. I would be like Oh do we? Do we have a shirt bag? Nobody has a shirt bag. What kind of joint is this? Yeah. What are you going to all of a sudden dump? Sure. Yeah, I think Dana would like a good shirt bag. No, she wouldn't just like vanilla. She definitely doesn't like sherbert try to run this shirt. Hustle on some. She'll leave lose the guest. final segment, Dana. comedy round table. I think our only remaining subject is what bad ideas what's left? Well, we have two bad ideas. You can choose your dream bad ideas or bad habits bad habits. We have no questions for bad ideas but which one do you want to go with? You know what? I'm gonna make it really easy on you guys and go bad habit. Bad habits. All right, bad habits starting with Adam. What is the most people would call it a mundane bad habit that you as a trophy wife participation trophy wife, of course. Think is a non starter. So can I tell you what I hate about my husband? Yeah, you can. That's kind of what I was looking for that question. He picks it his nails and like cracks his knuckles while we're sitting on the couch watching TV. And I'm always like, I grab his hand and like, give them the death ceremonies like, set and he's like, sorry, sorry. And so here's the funny thing. We went to therapy not too long, three years ago ish. And in therapy. I was like, he knows that hate it whenever he does this stuff. And he does it anyways. And he was like, Yeah, but you know, sometimes you do it too. And I was like, Yeah, but it doesn't bother you when I do it. And man, the therapist, let me have it. Alright, so Dana, what is the perceived bad habit that you would like to see normalized? Day drinking? Yep. I feel like that's normalized. That's a solid point. And the idea being we just didn't need to be okay with it. Why did we establish happy hour at such a late time in the day? Right, like 10am Be happy hour. Right. I mean, if you try hard enough, you can make any hour happy hour, right? Exactly. So many hours, though, are filled with unhappiness, so many hours. hours are filled with unhappy for happy hour, right? I think the default should be most hours are happy. And it's the rare hour that is the unhappy hour. Yes. In our society. We will say you can drink all hours except maybe one. And that's known as the happy hour. Yeah, that's when coffee and water needs to be drinking at a high level or you're sleeping. Yeah, depending on what you're whether you're sleeping fitfully. I hadn't thought of that. Maybe. Yeah, I was planning on drinking while I was sleeping, but liver SHM ever. livers was IVs are always good. Have you been to one of those IV shops and hydrated? No, I haven't. They're prevalent. You know, I actually I went to stagecoach a long time ago. And you know, it's basically just a drink fest. You stay in tents and you just drink all day. De, and my girlfriend got so wasted. And one of the guys we knew was a firefighter. And he was like, here, let me give you this IV. And so he did. But she had so much alcohol in her system that she just started squirting blood like everywhere. Oh, I'm not sure like I was actually a firefighter. She was actually full. Yeah, she could not take any more fluid right there like Mommy was to release as much as we can handle right now, but I did not want to release the alcohol. It was water and hold on to the alcohol. You can have the blood. We're keeping the alcohol. Yes, yeah. The alcohol makes us feel good. So anyway, he finally got it in he rehydrated her she took a little nappy poo woke up and we drank for the rest of the day. I think I concur with Adam that I don't know that I would be open to like, street IV, right? Like if somebody just shows up and you're like, Dude, I got a bag of saline in my backpack. Like it's 100%. Fine. Like, you're so drunk right now. Let me just a little diesel. Yeah, it's cool. should be noted that we did personally know him. Like, go to a dealer. Right. Get our street. I don't know if you have an IV hookup to be like, Listen. Yeah, sure. Hold on a second. We better invite Brian. Because yeah, because we're gonna need to hydrate at some point. So if you guys only like me from when your friend group starts to change by saying we need an IV guy. Yeah. Like, what are what we are missing? In our peer group? Can we either know volunteer firefighters that we know when that happens? That's a good side. You might be awesome. As your friend group gets older, you switch from wanting the IV guy to the guy with the CPR machine. Oh, I mean, that's a big that's That guy's a big hit. CPR machine. You just have your friends learn CPR. AED device? Yeah, hold on a second. If you want. A situation where your friends are dropping like flies get hairy. He's got to see prs. Hey, you lock up now until someone needs it. You don't. Okay, so listen, if we go to Coachella together, right, and we need to restock it get fired up again. Right? We need IV. If we're in our 80s and somebody's having a heart attack, that's what 911 is for. You don't need and i By the way, I don't want to kill both of us because I'm 80 Also, and I don't need the exertion of trying to keep you alive. Through CPR killing me. That's why you get a 60 year old buddy. He's the defibrillator guy. Yeah, you are so yeah, that's the Yeah. Why do you guys have Steve around? Oh, don't worry. When we get we get nuts. One of those drops dead. Comes Around the time I defib. Steve, we always die. somebody dies every time we go out. We have to have a defibrillator guy. Oh my god. And if you had that guy, you wouldn't call them defib. Steve, you just call them D fib. Yeah. Honestly, the fib is a good enough nickname. Yeah. Where's the fib? That does not like to have them? It's not like there's defib Tom and defib. Steve. Yeah, the best thing about this is that our listeners when I said CPR device, they're like, that's not really what it's called. What is it called? I can't think it was called maybe later said, Hey, device, or like, that's not it either. It's like, no, it's on the tip of my tongue. Later. Oh, that's it? Yeah, that's actually an ad. They don't do the Fiddler's anymore. Is it my turn for a question. Do you give us a metaphorical does your lease know enough? Enough? Your cut off? Can I resuscitate this segment? Is that what you're asking? Yes. Is it possible? Like that's not the word? I don't think that's resuscitate. There it is. Thank you. Dana. Yeah. Is there a bad habit of yours that you hope your children never pick up? Ah, let's see here. I have a lot of bad habits. You know what there is and we're about to get like, real with you guys real? Let's just pull up a chair. Let's go. I am really awful at shitting on myself, not literally shitting on myself, like, I'm fine with wiping my own ass and stuff like that. Good. Good. Like, I'm really hard on myself over things that would never even cross other people's minds. You know, like, I'll say something to somebody and I'll kick my own ass over it for like two weeks, you know? And so, I really hope that my kids are like, way more gentle with themselves than I ever am with myself. Because I'm brutal. I gotta tell you, you got to stop doing that. You gotta. I'm trying. You have a great show. And yeah, that negative self talk doesn't get anybody anywhere that I know and I know that that's what you know, everybody says, but at the same time, it's like, I think too many people do exactly that. And we're just, it's just we have a whole society of people that say things to in your head that you would never say to another human being. Right? You would never even if it was true, you wouldn't say it to another human being. You're just too hard on ourselves. Yeah, stop doing that. You're a great person. You got a great you got a great podcast, you seem like a pretty funny talking to Dana or yourself. It's called. It's called projective. Well, before we get to our fourth segment, we're going to talk more about putting on the horse. Oh, no, that's never gonna happen. We're gonna wrap it up. You know, send me your address. I'm getting you a like, cardboard cutout of Putin. Yes. All right. So any other unfinished business before we bring this to a close? No, it's been fun. This is good. It's been a lot of fun. Awesome. Good episode. Continued success. We talked about you're one podcast, but you actually have two podcasts, right? I do. Yeah, I have that trophy wife life, which is comedy and self improvement. And I also have the dirty little secrets club and people anonymously submit their dirty little secrets to us and it gets a little raunchy over there. Sometimes. It's super fun for me and my co host brimstone. Nice. All right, so what would be is there a common subject matter for the dirty little secret? Well, so I mean, obviously a lot is sex related. We got a lot of kinks over there. We get a lot of, you know, stuff like that. They're like one guy wrote in about putting a rose gold pretzel into his urethra and like spinning it around and like, yeah, yeah. You wish we were talking about putting on a horse on? It actually. Are you? Are you? Are you talking about a pretzel? A pretzel? Yeah. Pretzel Stick? Stick? Oh, yeah. up into his pee hole. That's impressive. I don't think there's any story that involves the word urethra that's a good no and I'm like who was the first guy to do that? I mean, just be like possible that it was that guy learned about it from somebody else and was like I should try that. Try and stick this up my pee hole and see what it feels like. So I'm imagine there's more than one person who's actually thought about doing that because there's one guy who actually apparently likes it. Probably unsalted his better well, that was the thing he said that the salt crystals would like it was like searing pain, but also like pleasure at the same time. So it had salt crystals. And me and brim were like yo infection like you pick a different odd like something that's like stainless steel or something, you know, like disinfect that ship before you stick it up your peel. The idea that he is brand loyal. So he's like, Don't try that stuff with like the store brand. Not the generic brand. I mean, like storebrand do it like believe me roll gold. The only way to go Schneider. Snyder's got animal or you know, the great thing is that he tweets about it and the rolled gold social media person just sees their name, just retweets that doesn't even pay. There's a robot that says thanks for thinking of us. All right, well, we are going to excuse ourselves, Dana, because we have reached the bag of pretzels. You're gonna go buy some pretzels and see what happens. Let's get this party started. Oh, God. so horrible. So all right. So so if the people are looking for secret based content, dirty little secret? Yes. Yes. The Secrets club is your jam. dirty little secrets. Why? Otherwise self improvement, little humor all the rest of it. Trophy Wife life. Yeah. All right. Well, we appreciate your time. And thank you for joining us and continued success. All right, for Jamie, Jamie and Adam, our guest Dana Pereira. Thank you so much for being here this episode of the comedy roundtable. Go ahead and put the chair back where you found it. We will see you next time we gather for a little comedy in conversation