Comedy Roundtable

Katherine Blanford Returns - Host of the Cheaties Podcast and seen on The Tonight Show

June 07, 2022 Katherine Blanford Season 7 Episode 68
Comedy Roundtable
Katherine Blanford Returns - Host of the Cheaties Podcast and seen on The Tonight Show
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Fan favorite comedian Katherine Blanford returns for another chat at the Comedy Roundtable. You loved her in the first episode in which she answered life's difficult questions such as "If you could poop one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?" (You really must check out that answer for her self declared great answer.) Now, Comedy Roundtable brings back Katherine for another round of great lightning round questions.

Katherine's first episode on Comedy Roundtable:
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Be sure to catch Katherine live in a performance at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta, or in comedy clubs around the country. She featured at the Limestone Comedy Festival just before recording this episode and has opened for Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White, David Spade and Rob Schneider.

Katherine's debut album, Salt Daddy, is out in 2022 and a must listen. Find it on your preferred music source here:

Katherine is the host of Cheaties Podcast (the Podcast of Champions) with co-host Lace Larrabee -  You may have recently seen Lace Larrabee killing it on America's Got Talent. Listen to Cheaties on Spotify: or Apple Podcasts:

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All right brand new episode of the comedy roundtable we are back with one of our very few repeat guests Jamie Bendel Jamie hurt and Adam Hey Greg, we normally do the big bio right? Yeah, we're not doing big bio read don't need to with this guest because this guest has a very unique designation indeed she is our current leading number one download episodes. She's our most downloaded episode download. Code our fans noer Catherine Lanford Thank you for having me back. I have brought up the question I was asked multiple times and I just I was at limestone comedy Festival. And it was a huge greenroom discussion about what who would how they would answer that. And then everybody got real technical about my answer, if anybody is just listening, but the question was, if you could put out anything besides poop? Yeah. Where it'd be, and I said, magical fairy that would clean one room in your house. And then everybody gets so damn technical about my answer. And I was like, this is this isn't real. We don't have to break this down. You can make it anything you want to kind of assume that it is. Yeah, yeah. Me calls me all the time. And he's like, Why do you think Catherine's episode is like so popular? Jeff Foxworthy kept looking over his shoulder and he's like, Wait, she's getting close here. Yeah. And then you kill him Foxworthy. You're killing Wallace. You kill him all. stepaside boys. Yeah. So and the question you asked me did you ask Jeff Foxworthy a question around poop? No, that's all the questions are always different. So the question is different. That's why maybe that could be the key. Maybe we need to question a niche podcast we can have. Yeah, that's the search engine optimization that happens it's the boot question. You're listening. Yeah. excrement our There we go. Not a lot of shows that we do. We're the number two podcast in the world. I would love to hear Jeff Foxworthy his answer to it because he would find some way to answer it in still a dirty way but make it sound as clean as possible. Oh, yeah. You know, exactly. You maybe need to ask every guest that question. I don't think so. I don't think but the problem is, is that no one's gonna be Catherine dancer on the mat. Yeah. But Catherine now that everybody has has tried to beat down that answer. And now that you have a second chance to change your answer. Absolutely. No, I reign supreme. Nobody has nobody has ever come close to it. In my fairness, it sounds a bit like you're more certain about your answer now than you ever were. Yeah. 110% I would rule the world if that ever came to be reality. Alright, so you've told the story though. You've changed your answer a little bit. Because I noticed that your you described your answer as a magical fairy. That cleans one room. Yeah. What did I say? I had a maid who cleans your whole house. So I think you felt a little guilty and shame greedy. She brought it down to just the room. Yes. I don't want to do the whole thing. And I didn't want to say the word maid anymore. Right? Yeah. Qualified that in your episode. Yeah. Yeah. So tell us why I'm so comedy Festival. It's it blew. Ha. Okay. Bloomington, Indiana, because ever been. Yep. Yes, it is this little blip of lights like San Francisco. It's so progressive and woke. And everybody is everything there which was phenomenal. It was but it's it's so unexpected. Like you're in the middle of Indiana, like in the middle of America. Yeah, it's just real, real progressive. And it also looks like Pleasantville. Yeah, it was so cool. And the comedy attic. Have you ever heard of that club? Oh, yeah, it's Yeah, phenomenal. Great shows. I did shows with Caitlin polu photo and Emma Wellman and yeah, lots of drinking. Nice. And I think since we saw you last the you recorded the album. Yes. recorded the album saw Daddy comes out June 24. Nice. So let's get into the topics for this episode two topics from six. So here are your subject matters. You said what my bed under attack accessory abuse top four or Oops, I did it again. Accessory abuse accessory abuse. All right, clockwise or counterclockwise clockwise clockwise starting with Adam. Let me talk headbands with you right now. When are headbands acceptable? When are they not acceptable? And is it okay for guys to wear headbands in sporting events? Oh, who gets to answer that you? Oh, God. Yes. headbands are good. Yeah, I love a headband. Because if you have if you have a headband, it means you have long hair. Oh, the I don't I don't think people wear him as much anymore. If they have like a short hair and they still wear the headbands. Those are more like sweat bands. But Jason Momoa is King right? now and in long hair is in and you no wonder why long hair is in because not everybody can do long hair. So if you can do long hair and you have to put in a sweatband, that's if you have to use a headband. You have long hair, that means you've got good genes. Okay? Somebody, somebody good mate to breed with. Wow. So it's actually Darwinism. That's coming, right? Correct. Yeah, I guess I can throw away my headbands. No, yeah. No. Perfect Erica to rock the headband. No. Maybe? Maybe a little maybe a little clip. Life. Yeah, I can get there, baby. Yeah, and I let me let me just I'm in a state this and I'm going to state it in a in an assertive way. If you are a guy who wears a visor, yes. Just go headband or sweatband dealin. Wait, I think she's differentiating between sweat bands and headbands. I'm saying terry cloth. It's like an inch thick. That's what you should what kind of headband Are you thinking of? It's not a sweat band. She's talking about what I'm thinking like the guys in the NFL that they take their helmet off and they've got some long hair. I mean, I'm thinking Thor, and like they'd have to like they have some kind of maybe it's like it goes all the way around their head. Maybe Okay. sweatbands or out. Oh sweatbands or out. Hard time. Yeah, no, this is good sweatpants out. Yeah. headbands. Jason my MO was wearing a sweatband. Oh, whatever. Jason Momoa wears this in. Saying visor guys should just go It's okay. I'm gonna Yeah, re up my question. Let's talk about visors versus sweatbands Catherine visors versus sweatbands it's both a cry for help. But just a different periods in your life. Okay. sweatbands you're still trying to seem athletic. Yes. But it's not your this is a desperate attempt. I have to use the exact same amount of sunscreen as if I did not wear the visor. I think when you're setting the hypothetical, we're up in Athens. Yes, it is a home game for the dogs. Go dogs with the four of us are at a tailgate. Yeah. And up walk two guys. Yep. One guy. khakis. golf shirt visor. Got it. Second guy comes up. khakis, golf shirt headband. Every one of us is hanging out with headband guy. Oh, there's no question. Yeah. Is the guy talking about sweat band, right. Yeah, we're 100% Hanging out with that guy. That's what I'm saying. That's the guy you want to hang out with yet? Yeah. I think the visor guys only there because we need our DD right. Yeah. Yes. And he has to have something to throw in my disgust. Yeah. Guys, in general. I just don't like visors. Yeah. Go ahead. You're gonna see visors a lot though. I don't see visors but I'm not I'm not going to like literally games. Golf courses are everywhere. I cannot stand them do monks were advisors more often than advisors. Know, they had to shave their heads, don't they? They're bald. So that's that's the vulnerable part of their body to be exposed? Or, you know, using monks because for headwear? I do. Yeah, I thought I was getting a spiritual advisor and he pulled me into the barber chair. I was like, Wait, hold on. Thank you for solving those. Yeah, you're welcome. I don't think I didn't need any good I think Jamie's point was was made is that had been above Heiser guy though. Yes. Yeah. Forever. Under what context? Could you wear a headband? Meaning a sweatband? Under what context? Could you wear a headband to a funeral? Oh, you're a headband? Oh, you're you're grieving young preteen girl. And that's it. That's it? What if you're running late, and you just know that you're gonna have to go hard sprint to get there on time, then I would. You know what, and the only context you could wear that then is you're gonna have to go get some some black sheath and throw a veil underneath the headband. Oh, really? It's a sports veil. No, yeah, no, it's a grieving did you say to a funeral? Yeah. And you turn it into a veil, right, like back in the day was they would hide their faces under the veil. We're gonna take a quick break here with our guest, Catherine Blanford. Don't slide your chair too far away. We'll be right back with more of the comedy roundtable. So there seems to be a big question about headbands versus sweatbands. We're talking about the sweatpants it's made out of some sort of towel material, terrycloth. It's about an inch and a half thick. It'll usually have some sort of sports logo on it. And we came out with the those are pretty cool. Absolutely. Now if you're at a funeral and one of your pallbearers is wearing a headband, do all of them have to wear a headband? I'm not even entertaining. Wow, that's a self evident thing. If you're the kind of person who's cool enough, I would say probably open casket and probably with a headband on in the casket Wait, because I'm asking while the pallbearers are moving the casket I would 100% go invertible coffin How cool would that be? I don't know why they don't do that more. Why wouldn't you convertible confidence with a headband with a headband to be like say wanting to go out died doing what he loved wearing a headband is his thing and we're had been? I think if you're going to do that, you just have to commit to it. I think the lead pallbearer should be a lead and that lead pallbearer should be wearing the headband and the person in the casket should not have a headband and the pallbearer should dramatically take off their head man and place it on the person in the casket. Oh, gross. Now you're having touching dead bodies. So sick. I will tell you that every funeral I've been to as an adult that was open casket I always touched the body. I didn't die. That's the worst admission like I don't mind. It's my friend. It was somebody I cared about little pat on the arm little something you touch the dead body touch the body every time if they're not a sign it says Don't touch the body. There's no sign that says you know why? There's no sign because it's implied. Don't touch the body. And I'm not the only person who doesn't have seen plenty deep is literally gonna go home and rewrite my will so it says please put a sign in my casket that says bend on don't touch don't touch Adams gonna have his body like electric shock. So should you be open body and just allow everyone to just play a game of Operation lifestyle? Oh, now you're just getting rose that's now you've lost and by the way, if you do the right thing and you're an organ donor, all the good stuffs already gone. Anyway, it's good point, right? If you had to have a captain in the pallbearers. It's normally we've discussed this before, like who's the lead person who's the front person? Yeah. I'm starting to think maybe what you should do is guy who's the captain actually gets to ride out on the casket. He rides out on the back. Like he's just kind of guiding them out like the axon and a rowing rowing boat. Like a crew. So we're not talking to surfboard? No, no, not standing on it. I'm just saying like Team wall style team wolf style. We're surfing on the van. Anyhow, let's go back to Catherine. comedy round table, Jamie, Jamie and Adam, our guest comedian, Catherine Blanford. Her album salt daddy is available wherever you choose to download by or stream comedy content. Let's talk now about our next topic for this evening. Your remaining choices are you said what? My bad under attack top four. Or? Oops, I did it again. Before you answer Can we talk about whether it's oops or Oops? Oops. How do you say W H O P s Catherine? Oops. Oops, oops. Oops. There it is. Oh, but now you said oops. Was it Oops. Oops. Is I'm texting. Ah, wow. Oops, was spelled that wrong. Oops, I gave you the wrong address. Oops. But if I'm in the club, whoo, that is, you know, I feel like you can't argue with what I just said. Well, Catherine versus directionally inhibited, Catherine. Alright, so which do you prefer? I guess we'll go with Oops, I did it again. There we go. All right, clockwise counter clockwise counter counterclockwise. Starting with Jamie. Oh, my six categories of the six questions I had. This is the closest to the magical fairy cleaning the room. Okay, you kind of set yourself up for failure right there. But let's just go ahead, you pass gas in the middle of a crowded train. And then you move to the back of the train and you do it again. You are clearly the common denominator for what is happening on that train. The other passengers turn on you talk your way out of it. Oh, I'm like guys. We we were all breathing in the same subway steam. This is a collective it's just going in my body and out. Your your we're all going to do it eventually. Don't blame me because you're about to you're about to pass the same subway steam out of your body, right? You're just a trendsetter. You're the first I know I went first. Yeah, this isn't this is subway steam. This is subway steam gas. Yeah, I may have gone first two times. Right? Correct. Somebody go second. I inhaled all of it for you guys. So you wouldn't you wouldn't inhale it. I inhaled all the bad bad luck. So first of all, New York Transit Authority. Yes. And this is why this is why you should vote in your local elections if you don't want me to pass this kind of gas because we need to change this right now. Get the transit authority out. Yes, let's Yes, let's let's choose that matter to sidenote, I don't recommend the chicken place at the top of the steps to the subway platform. No. Correct. But what did I do? I supported a local business. So then again Oops, I did it again. Okay. Why is Britney Spears not been pulled to be a judge on any of these reality shows yet? And what show would she be perfect for? She was she was was on? I think it was America's Got Talent. She was one one was Simon Cowell. Oh, x max are stupid. Now. It was an X factor. I don't know. But she the entire time was so out of it. Like there's so many memes of her. Just I mean, looking off into the stars. And every time it would come back to where she her answers were just cuckoo Lulu. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're so confident in that answer. But the strange thing is, is that I'm more likely to vote you Mayor based on the train passing gas answer than than that one. I know. I was trying to be politically correct. But you honestly if you watch it, like Google, Britney Spears, judge on whatever show it was and watch her answers. I mean, she I mean, because let me tell you something. Baby girl is alive now. Okay, she she's got the spirit is back inside of her. She's dancing her way back up to the top. She was not there at this moment. She was like, zoned out. Yeah, too bad. Okay. And for the record, there was a time when you were either team Brittany or team Christina. And I am a writer die would seem Christina. Whoa, I was no serious. Yeah. I didn't think you were a bad guy. I'm just saying I think you're a bad human being. I just, I just I have a I have an eye for talent. And I you kidding me right now I'm in the in a very bad situation. America has taken advantage of that sweet little girl at the time. And at the time of choosing when both were young and on the top of the charts. Team Christina. And you continue to be continue to be team Christina. No, yeah. Wait. I thought you liked a Marielle Yeah, I thought you were I thought you were an American number one. Yeah. I thought you like what you have. You have daughters? Yeah. How do you not how are you not team Brittany. She's She's She was our angel. She's so Christina was literally like when I pitched her to devil and an angel on your shoulders. Christina was the devil in those dirty pants. And this was dirty pants. This was pre pants. Dirty pitch. This is this is Oops, I did it again. Genie in a bottle. Those were your choices. Julian bottle. And you Wow. That was Britney was a purist. And she was you could see you could I'm just telling you. I'm a very good judge of people. And they made her do that voice by the way. She had a really beautiful voice. They made her day that do the they made her do that. Just so you know. Yeah, of course. Marketing her incorrectly. was what's the marketers took advantage of Britney the entire time basically ruined her life. I'm just surprised that you'll be willing to admit that on a Catherine Blanford episode. You do recall how popular the Catherine Blanford episodes are on the comedy round table. Can I and I'm gonna I'm probably not allowed to say this. Let me tell you how on Team Christina. I am I still I have the voicemail still. In my phone. One of my friends works in LA some some she had connection to some celebrity kids. What's his name? garff. Bradner? Whoever she used to she was Christina was neither married to this guy. They had a baby together. And their nanny left and he was looking for a new nanny. And he called me and he left a voicemail on my phone letting me know that he was interested in talking to me about being his nanny out in LA and your team Brittany that you said no. Absolutely that and just also just being a celebrity's nanny sound did awful and I didn't want was not interested on that. But also team Britney. Alright, two questions. First part of the question. Have you thought about Britney impressions? That was a pretty good that's my only that's my only impression ever do I say is Britney Spears? Just after two in the shower? There's Britney Spears. Just stubbed her toe in the shower. Ah was a really good one. I'm really good at it. Jamie's got to lift out of his chair. All right, this is gonna be good. Was there a time in your life where you had a summer crush? Every every day every every vacation? Guide the boy in the puka shells across me for me at the Hilton pool. Oh, Destin, Florida. Oh my gosh. Oh yeah. So since you are on board with the concept of a summer crush, how many times can you go back to the same summer crush before you realize this is not going to work out? You got three months bam. That's it. You got three months and then in just like in the movie Grease, it's called Summer lovin. It's not called fall lovin. Yeah, it's over. I don't know, in what age caught. Yeah. And what age context are we talking? You tell me? Oh, I genuinely I do think that it's, it's you have until I'm gonna be honest, Labor Day labor. It's over. It's hunting season, Memorial Day to Labor Day season. And then in the you get into cuffing season, but if you don't have somebody to cuff after Labor Day, you're done. You find yourself back at that same pool at the Hilton. And remarkably, the following summer you look across the pool. And there's Mr. puka. Shells. Right. Same boy can't go back? Nope. Nope. A whole year has passed. They're a different person. They're not the same people anymore. You only had that one summer. Katherine, let us in a little bit to the female mindset there of the hunting season. Versus the cuffing season. Yeah. Or you're gathering you're in the gathering. You're there's a time to hunt and there's a time together. Yes. Yeah. We're like it. We're like there's this summer months. It's time that you're you show off that that summer body bikini body. Right. You you you gather your mates? We'll take one. Yeah. And then when it's time to get cold and put on your little sweaters, sweaters and cuff them. You pick you pick one. Yeah, you pick. One you're gonna have but no, I don't think you go back the next the next summer. They've suddenly developed acne. They've gotten into weird music genre. They have a weird hair cut now and they're different people and you can't go back. It's only you only have one summer. All right, a bonus round of question with comedian Catherine Blanford. Bonus because Katherine is popular episode. Most I'm gonna laugh when this this episode doesn't get a likes listens. Your episodes of the parentheses of success and lack of success. Yeah, all right. Our remaining subjects are you said what? My bed under attack? Or top four? Okay, my bad. My bad. All right. My bad starting with Jamie. All right. Just read the question. It's not that hard. I don't like the question. Yeah, well, sorry. Yeah. All right. Why don't we go with under attack? Excellent choice. Gotcha. All right. So subject to change under attack starting with Jamie so you are coming under attack by a band of armed koala bears. How many have to be attacking you for them to stop appearing cute and cuddly? 101 You don't think well, bears are cute and cuddly. I don't enjoy my flesh being torn apart. Nothing is ever cute and cuddly. Maybe besides my own dog. I will let him scratch me to high heavens if you need to. But no one I'm done after one qualifier has anyone said more than one ever? Well, unless they're like a an Australian. You have a strong opinion that koalas are hyper aggressive. Because that one koala was tearing you to shreds. I feel like you can take a koala. I feel like you can just keep hitting it. Ya know? I've heard that they're mean. I think I've heard their stick is I'm a nice guy, but they're not. Yeah. They're like the Eddie Haskell bears. What's going on? You got to great Chris uniform you have and then meanwhile, they're plotting to rip your face off. They also have that that nose that you can tell is meant to to? They have a kind of a beak nose. So they're half bird, obviously. Yes, yeah. I have no further questions. Like, I'm still I still eat lunch. She said. She said no further questions. Yeah. I've said what I've said your question under attack under attack. So what animal or thing do you think that you could defeat if you came under attack from it? What animal could I defeat or thing? Yeah, I think it's called an emu. Is it an emu? The big birds that can't fly. The kind of looks like ostrich ostrich esque. Yes. You think you could take an emu? Yep. Because thanks to Tic Toc, first of all, they have long vulnerable necks. Okay, done. Done. Got it. And I do I now, my whole Tiktok is animals and I've been I've been obsessed with a lot of farms and Emus are real mean. But they, they come at you and they like like that and they but all you have to do is just kind of choke them. Just put them on a real quick tofu, Jack throw punch, one, and he plays a lot of space to hit exactly as I'm saying. It's right there and they're in there. You see how the goats like it's done. They kind of they, they stopped, they stopped suddenly, you just, you just grabbed by the neck real fast and they'll stop just a little bit of a warning though, the more of the EMU throat punch videos you watched your thread is gonna change quite a bit pretty dramatically. Yeah, the dog little dog videos of the way. Yeah, real quick. It's a little different. Oh, I'm so sorry. I did I say oh, I've been watching emu street fighting now, which was used to be cockfighting, but it is emu fighting now. It's somewhere down in South America and it gets bloody. I am betting on them, by the way. But I would imagine that if you hit it the right way, and I'm not endorsing violence against emos, right? Sure. Well, you're a Christina fan. But if you hit it the right way, the centrifugal force of the head, wraps it around your wrist like a bangle, right like you hit it too hard. And then like WEPs whips right around it. Like they're not a snap bracelet. No, but that's what I think they are. That's what I always imagine they're so they're so wobbly up there that like you get it the right way. And it's like, they sell emus and Spencer's Gifts. Yeah. Okay, so I have a follow up question. You can beat an emu. How many emus Do you think it would take to defeat you? Simultaneously, how many of you think you could fight off before they overwhelmed you? And there were internal next letters, three, only because I have two arms. Okay, so you could count 122 And they wrap around? They don't wiggle them around like, giant. They also lay a ton I'm not. They're not like they're not like little York. No, they're huge. The problem is they're half koala. And they are half. That's it? The bird ancestor, right? Yeah, yes. Yes. Dinosaurs. And koalas all have the common bird ancestor. Okay, you know what? A koala. If somebody back in the day was like, you know, a koala came from a penguin. I would be like, yeah, yeah, I guess that I see that. Some kind of bird. I see it. I see the bird. Beak kinda. Yeah, I see it. Koalas are the casual Fridays of penguins. Yes, yes. It's the summer Fridays of penguins. All right, so my question if you were a superhero, and you had a power in the power was to cause an attack in another person? What would be what would be your calling card? Oh, is it asthma attack? Is it panic attack? Oh, that okay. How do I phrase this? Okay, I would say panic attack because what would I what I would do was I'm a mind mess. I'm like a messy people's minds. Yeah, my Messer. Yeah, yeah. And what I would do is I'd have to have at least two other people in the room and whoever I'm attacking, I would have them think that the other person in the room said something about them that kind of related to like their greatest fear insecurity. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. No. Would you use this power for good or for evil? Absolutely evil. Oh, my God, of course evil. Yeah, yeah. I mean, why would you? This isn't good. Could you imagine like your interview to be joined the Justice League, right? Or the Marvel Universe, whichever one of those two teams you're trying to join? Yeah. And your benefits your interview? And you'd be like, Alright, so tell us what do you what do you do? And you'd be like, I cause panic attacks and evil people get to evil. And then we get the one guy thinking the other guy is trying to undermine they're so distracted. And they're like, Oh, my God, did I leave my space laser on and they don't leave the city because I gotta go back to the evil air. Right? No, but instead of I but I'm doing it at such a minimum level. But it starts like, I'm like, I make one guy be like, did he just say something about my, my long skinny nose? And then and then he starts to spiral. It's a Spiral attack. That's what I'm gonna call it. And then he starts to spiral. And then and then the other guys guys. Like, did he just say something about how I you know, I'm a lazy guy. And then they go and then yeah, and it starts like that. And then it builds and builds. And it's a long con game. As they start to hate each other over time. The origin story. Yeah. Whereas a little girl, people notice Catherine made snarky comments. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what this is. But this could be a superpower. That interview you were saying About she comes in and she says not only do I fight crime I get crime to fight crime yes the crime fighting Yeah, I ended up being good because I turned I make all the criminals turn on each other. Hmm Good. All right. You guys, listen to them Jeff Foxworthy okay it's a really good answer I know it's I'm good at this oh man this thing all right well Katherine we appreciate it continued success salt daddy is out in June of 2020 Yeah so check it out. Well that's all good stuff to go check out we appreciate it talk to you soon. Fan Favorite Good to have you Catherine Italy's rules

Segment One - Category: Accessory Abuse
Mid Segment Host Chatter: Headbands at Funerals
Segment Two - Category: Whoops I Did It Again