Caroline Kennedy - Comedian/Content Creator/Internet Person

Ladies and gentlemen, comedy roundtable these are great questions. God yes. Good comedian a math question. Really good question. Thank you. This is so much fun you guys. That is a good question. And that lightning round was so fun. That's a really good question. comedy fans con versation enthusiast it is a brand new episode of the comedy roundtable pull up a chair settle in. We have a great conversation for you this episode. Let's get this party started. Jamie Bendel Jamie, Hernan, Adam, hey, look at you getting in on the game. I appreciate that. Usually, you're so negative about him giving me the big intro. I just figured people deserve to hear it in stereo. I didn't even know that our podcast was available in stereo. Yeah, it is actually. And actually, if you put the SAP button, it's available in Spanish. We have saved a cheer for you, our listener. And we've also saved a chair here at the roundtable for our guest this evening, Caroline Kennedy. Welcome to the show. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. So welcome to the show. It's a great treat to have you with us this evening. And it sounds like things have been pretty good and busy for you got this, like whole interview thing doing which we're going to play some clip of later in the episode for people who follow the podcast to kind of get hip to what that stuff is. But also your backstory is pretty interesting as well. So But talk about the interview thing right quick before we introduce our Lightning Rounds. Yeah, so for a few months now, I guess I've been doing these satirical interviews with people. They're sort of similar to Between Two Ferns sort of as a point of context. And I just have someone sit down without any sort of knowledge of what they're going into. And I just tell them to play along with with whatever, and I interview them and then we kind of improv and roleplay. And I'm basically mean to them, insulting what they're doing, or just completely ignorant and irrational and yeah, it's a really good time, it's started to pick up some traction on Tik Tok. So that's been fun. And yeah, we'll see where it goes. Well, I often will find myself the older I've gotten. feel as though I am in one of those conversations in actual life. Good. Are you the interviewer or the interviewee? No, on the interview II. Oh, that's not good. And that may just be because I'm entering too many conversations not prepared. Are you thinking that everyone is mocking you? I sometimes feel like I'm on the cusp of mock Oh, wow. Very pleased to be Yeah, like my adjacent. That sounds kind of sad. I mean, I understand. I'm always throwing people off and pranking them. So now I'm kind of on high alert that it's going to be happening to me. Yeah. What would cause that for you? Where's that coming? may just be what I'm talking to Jamie. Sometimes. That's what I was just thinking like, when you talk about the cost of mock like Jamie's never been in the cusp of mock because tattooed on my arm on the cusp of outspoken mark. All right. So here's what we did we do some lightning round style questions, you will have three topics from which to choose. Of those three topics, we will only use two. Okay. However, you get to choose them one at a time, meaning you'll hear all three, pick one. After one is complete. Make your decision about two and three. Fair. Choose carefully though, because the third category, the one you don't choose, you'll never hear that question. Oh my gosh, you're the worst person to say that too. And last summer, I tried to sneak them in. Okay. Yeah, you may get Driffield cusp of Mach here as this progresses. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I kind of feel scared to be honest. Alright, so here are three topics for this evening. That's not what I meant. 911 What's your emergency cat's and other aspects of the dark arts? Oh, my God, those are fantastic. Um, you know, let's start 911911. What's your emergency? All right, starting with Jamie. If I called 911. And you answered it that way. I would hang up and call back to get another what's your emergency? What my emergency was like that guy is not taking this seriously. Hey, radio voice don't get don't think of my call. I just called 911. The other day. Sorry. This is a short tangent. But my neighbor somebody was crawling into their window. Ask naked like, I'm not even kidding. So I called the police and they don't even say 911 What's your emergency? They say nine on on? What's your address? And I just moved here and I was like, I don't know my address right now. But I want to tell you what's going on. It was very stressful. It didn't turn out well, but no one like died or anything but it's okay. It was more stressful. The fact that the person was sneaking into the house or that the person was naked. Oh, that they were naked for sure. I mean, I wasn't planning on waking up and staring at someone's bush that day, but there was no That's not the landscaping I'm used to seeing. Okay, have you been letting you got to your question and I'm interrupting the store so hold on a second let's because I do want to because it's hard to move on from that story without getting a little bit deeper it's it's a little bit okay all right. So I would rule out burglary if the Prowler with naked Prowler because no tools, no disguise. Yeah, I mean, I know what happened if you if you want to know or if you want to guess that's good too. Well, let's do okay. Let's Yes. That's the part that we often forget to remind people of is we are three lawyers. Well, you know, it's interesting because in law school, they were always that class about naked non burglaries was was always well $1 Every time that case came up a law exam. There's a naked number. Is he trespassing? Because he's got property rights? Does he need an easement for that real estate? At first question. Was there a birthmark? Oh, not that was visible. Okay, so, yeah, naked. Naked. Man. naked woman. Woman naked woman. Okay. Do you know was neighbor known to you or stranger stranger, but I know things about him. Okay. Oh, so you're doing the fool looking strange. Looking out the window. making judgments about them. You're doing the whole what's the what's the Hitchcock movie? Yeah, rear window. Rear Window. Thank you. Yeah, we're window. Where are you? She she's just looking out. She's like, there's a murder going peeping tom on the scout. I think that you are Mrs. Kravitz. Let's agree that some portion of your workday is spent working from home. Yes. And so like most people, you probably like to be able to look outside sometimes and have something to observe unrelated question, do you have a set of high powered binoculars? Yes, okay. Oh, no, no, but she's telling us right her fellow stay at home worker perhaps who works across the street. She happens to peer towards his cubicle and sees naked Prowler. Right. Right. She said Bush versus but I'm kind of questioning the way that the person was entering the house. Quick question. Did you see the person's face? No. So see, this is when my big lineup question for many years. Now. What? There's so many identifying pieces that come out of a person's face. I've often wondered like, if if you cut off a person's like, if you just show the the shoulders down? Do you think you could identify like all your best friends? That's a terrible question. It's it's an incredible question isn't it's a terrible question. Because if you have spent any time listening to True Crime podcast, you know that the number one rookie mistake that all killers make is oh, I'll just remove hands and head and they'll never be able to figure out who this is. Oh, that's good to know. That that's a rookie mistake. That seems like a pretty very advanced mistake. No, no rookie mistake because they've left behind 1000 other identifiable things from now I think that's like mafia 101 that says cut off the hands and the head. No, isn't like block it. Cut not literally cut it off. You're talking about decapitated. Oh, you mean the victim? The victims? Oh, yeah. The victims in any kind of dark goddess got really dark so dark. You have this like is affair going on and your neighbors next to it. She's some ladies trying to get out without the wife finding. Suddenly Jamie's decapitating evil. Oh my god. So wait a minute. What if this is not actually a crime? What if this is just some random Tinder hookup and Caroline thinks that they're breaking in. But really they're in the process of breaking out? Well, maybe Caroline was judging a king. I just want to point out that if she was brought to the police station, Adam was talking about the lineup. This would just be a pants down lineup that you would have to identify the curb. Really hard. Really hard. I wouldn't be able to pick out her Bush. And whoa, a vast array of bushes. So that would be a pretty solid way to identify her. Okay, you guys are way off. terrible day. Terrible day, by the way to be police sketch artist. Yeah, okay. Anyway, we're gonna we're gonna get the scoop. Anyway, we need more facts. Okay. Are you ready for the story? Yeah, yes. Caroline is gonna tell us the story right after this. See? We weren't you about this. She's She's a team. Okay. Okay, it's I'm gonna tell him a little bit of an odd order. But this neighbor is now not in the house anymore. He was arrested for arson. So he's in jail. So this neighbor repeatedly was trying to set his house on fire. He has like the druggie house that people come to and do nefarious things inside. Everything. We've known this. The fire department showed up at my door the first day I moved in and was like your neighbor's been trying to sell this house on fire. What do you know about this? And I was like, Bitch, I just moved in. I don't know anything. About this, and it's actually really bad. So I was on high alert about this guy anyway, he has a broken window. And that's the window she's crawling into. Oh really make it over the shards of glass. I'm feeling the police not thinking that this is even a crime. I'm just thinking like, I don't know if she's going to be alright, you know, I mean, like, pretty, you know? So yeah, I called the police and when they finally showed up, they were like, Oh, we're here all the time. Like he's not going to be here much longer. But we'll try to go see what's going on and they were over there talking to them for like an hour or whatever. And they said that it was just his girlfriend and she was probably high I don't know got stuck outside crawled back in. And that was that no crime. No, he's gonna report no crime. Yeah. Can I make a burning bush joke now or do no can't ever? Damn. Alright, so he's now gone. Yeah, he's gone. Yeah. Okay. And that's because he had a failed attempt to burn his own place down. Yes, multiple. Actually, he did end up getting it significantly so it's been knocked down now like the house next to me is like completely bulldoze over now it's just a piece of land because it was are you now scoping crimes for the next house over? Yes. That was binoculars before to see then see the further house down? Yeah, I'm the designated neighborhood crime wash. For sure. So yeah, make sense. Yeah. You know what? You know what? I know some sometimes people do when they're in your situation, rather than call 911. They just post on next door? What's that? It's like a neighborhood Facebook. It's the nosiest neighborhood Facebook. That sounds entertaining. And people would post things like Does anybody know anything about the naked woman crawling in 123 Main Street, don't give away her dress. 123 Main Street was implied. That's obviously where she lives. I'm not much better than that. I did make a YouTube video about it like anything dramatic. My life I use as material for smart. I exploited her sadness. That's a sign of a great producer though. Everything is content. Everything is content. Well, you should you could have considered purchasing the house. Oh, right. Because all my money. Well, but renting to other aspiring criminals. Oh, yeah. That's a really good idea. Wow, a broken window free of broken window included no security deposit, necessarily meth house, come get up in it. I love that Caroline brought down the meth house within a couple of weeks of moving in. And all the neighbors loved her. They're like, they're like, yes, she's on the head of the neighborhood watch because we've been dealing with this crack addict tried to burn the place down for three years. What do you guys Gandhi? Do you mean we could call called called the cops on the naked woman crawling out the window years ago and ended this whole saga? I love the fact that she brought her friend and was like, Look, I really need you to have an acting job for you. I'm doing a video. I need you to play a part. It's not really a burglar to reenactment. Reenactment. You know? There is some nudity. But you won't be identifiable. You'll be identifiable nobody. breakaway glass. Nobody will notice you. Yeah. All right. So now. Okay. We need to go back to the question, which is 911. What's your emergency? What normal day to day activity is so problematic for you that it is likely to one day result in a call to 911 if it hasn't already. Oh, I know exactly what this would be. It's when you have leftovers in your fridge and you go upstairs in the morning and you're just trying to pour coffee. Trying to get some milk. You're just trying to start your day in the mornings are already really difficult. Okay, you open up the fridge, you get wafted with some, like stank, like some stank fridge that has I'm not even kidding. brought me to tears multiple times and sent me back to bed to like go back to sleep for a little bit and start over because it's so upsetting to me. Smells don't do well. So I would probably call the police for that bad fridge tank. Yep. Yeah, I get it. I hate that. today. We're gonna I actually had a question about what was the last time you call 911? We kind of covered that. So we're gonna move into if you found yourself in a large fan base, which fan base? Would it be that you would call 911 to get out? Oh, okay. I found out that there is a cult following. For people who hate Stuart Little. And that would be it's like an opposite fan base. But they hate Stuart Little. They think that he's a fraud. That you know, his whole story is just an absolute wreck. Which is true because if you read the book, Stuart Little was born to human parents. He came out of a vagina. Can I say vagina? He came out of a vagina a human vagina. Well, and some people are really upset that you know he has a place and a human family over other adopted children. I would call 911 to get out of that. group, because that's just toxic. Like, alright, so relative to our experience this evening 911 is often misused. What is one example of a time when someone would have misused 911? For you? Oh, wow. Yeah, that's a really good question. There's probably a lot, okay. One that comes to mind is when I was fairly young, I went to Disney World with my family. And we were staying at this in this little condo thing. And it was on New Year's Eve. We're getting in really late. And we realized that we couldn't get into our condo. And so together, we threw a rock into the window to break in. And it was the wrong which, as I'm saying it now I'm like, that's a pretty good reason for someone to call the police. But you know, it would have been a misunderstanding. Like, we didn't mean we weren't trying to harm anybody. We didn't harm anybody. We did not no one was harmed. No one was harmed. You climbed into the wrong apartment fully clothed. Yes. And we were not a threat. But someone might have called the cops for that one. How big was the rock that you had to collectively throw it? We didn't collectively throw it. Oh, yeah, we all had a role. So I picked it out. Someone else picked it up, then they pass? No, just one person through it. All right. Well, I'm going to throw a rock through the end of this segment here with our guests at the comedy roundtable, comedian Caroline Kennedy. So what we're going to do here on this break for a little bit of a change from comedy roundtable, we're actually going to give you an example of these interviews that Carolyn has been doing which are gaining popularity on Tik Tok and the rest of it, take a listen and enjoy. And when we come back, we will hear the next of our Lightning Rounds. Today I'm here with Zack Hertzel. Hello, Caroline. How are you? Who was a combat medic in the Army for 10 years, and now works in emergency medicine. So Zack, let's let's do some practice scenarios. Yes, so that I walked into the ER right now. Okay, but Well, first, I need to know Do you think I'm attractive? You pretend like I'm the ugliest person you've ever seen in your life. Like it's really sad. It's not funny. It's really sad. So you don't look how you look right now. Exactly. If you don't think that I'm already fugly. Anyway, I walk into the ER, how do you treat me? You as a Foggo. And what was you? What did you tell the nurses when you're walking in the ER they say Caroline, how can we help you today? What do you say? I say I'm fugly and I need help. Contact. You know the actual list that goes with that one. You don't get coffee. You don't clean. You can't fix ugly. What can you do? What can you do? You know, I can save your life when you're dying. That's pretty cool. That's not that. That almost never happens. Car accidents. Never seen one heart attacks. Never had it happen to me broke. I don't even know what that is. SubSys absolutely no clue. Like, I just think there's stuff here. Okay, do you know what the number one, you know, reason someone would die in the United States? Murder. That's an emergency. I have a lot of respect for you in what you do. I just don't really understand it. What can I do to help you understand it? You could run me over with a car outside. But I don't want to go there. You know. And I mean, that's a little too far for the cameras. Welcome back to comedy round table. Jamie, Jamie and Adam, I hope that you have settled into your chair. Our guest is comedian Caroline Kennedy. Also doing movie and television stuff content creation, right. It's a big time to be a content creator. Right? That's very true. And you have the obligation now, Caroline to help us create some content here would be your two remaining topics for this episode. They are. That's not what I meant. Or cats and other aspects of the dark arts. Wow. Okay. I think I'm gonna go cats, because I'm more confused by it. Somehow. That sounds intriguing. All right, cats and other aspects of the dark arts? Yes. Jamie was first if you had the power to cast one spell on everyone you meet? What would that power be? Oh, for them to not be easily offended. I have a tendency to say things that I didn't process before they came out of my mouth. And I feel like I hurt people's feelings sometimes. And it's kind of sad, because I don't mean it. So if you knew that you had that power, would you then step up your level of offensive speech? I mean, I'm not like dying to offend people. I mean, let's drop any filter that you have. Let's just drop it. If no one's gonna be offended anymore. Let's just run I'm rolling. Yeah, I feel pretty good about that. Like, I feel like the things I'm thinking that are offensive are not like deeply problematic. Yeah. I mean, I have liked to think let's try this out. The spell has been cast on Adam. No. What would you say that? No, that's not nice. You know, Adam, I like you. I don't have any super offensive thought towards you. I might dig in a little bit on your relationship to Mormonism. Yeah, Utah. Yeah. What's going on with that? And why do you? Yeah, why do I have to push back so hard on that? Yeah, I probably would dig in there. But you know, we don't we don't want to get that deep right now. That that's personally like your your golden. I feel like you're a really cool guy. Oh, okay. We'll be friends. Are we are we on the cusp of marking? No. Oh, see? That's right. Straight up. We're gonna be friends after this. This was probably best friends. Yeah. Okay. So I've given you the dark art. We're gonna allow you to bankrupt any company in the world. Which company? Are you going to bankrupt? And why? Oh, oh, my god. Facebook. Yeah, it's probably bankrupt Facebook. I mean, a million things exist in its place. Right. So yes, ever, but I do. I am kind of on the train of, in general, social media, especially for younger people is not great. And getting dark. Yeah, yeah, it's getting dark. And there should be a little bit more thought about how what role social media plays in our lives. That's a good one. That's a good one. I completely agree with you. That's all very funny answer. Sorry. That's kind of that's okay. That's okay. I wanted the real answer. That's a real answer. That's good. All right. So Caroline, I was a philosophy major in college. Now you majored in the art of war? Yes. Okay. So, and screenwriting and philosophy? Well, okay. Come on, come on a program where you can pick your out so they ask combined, okay, so combined. So now my question to you is, because I felt this fell into the category of dark arts. Yes. One philosopher you would like to write a movie with, and one philosopher you would like to go to war with? And why? Oh, my God, that's an intense question. Okay, I would write a movie with John Stuart Mill, who was kind of one of the founders of utilitarianism, I would probably write a movie about him because he has a very interesting life. He was sort of raised like as an experiment, his dad, and his dad's friend, Jeremy Bentham, who's another famous philosopher, were like, what if we raised like the perfect child who's super educated and can grow up and be a philosopher, and he was, and then he had this major life crisis at 20, about, like, utilitarianism and the holes in it. And it was just, it's interesting. So I would say, John Stuart Mill and making a movie about your life. So that's who you're writing a movie with. Going to war whiz? Oh, my gosh, probably Hagel. I don't even remember what his first name is. And it's incredibly difficult. No, no, the old German guy, because it's like impossible to read any of his stuff. I can't register anything that he's saying. So I mean, who knows? Like, maybe there's some good stuff there. And I'm going to war with just a good guy who I can't understand. I would think the battlefield would be a place that you would need to coordinate. And so if you have a tough time understanding, yes. On the same team, yeah. Oh, I was I thought you meant like, no, no, I meant like you now are going to war with you and locked arms, you and a philosopher off to war? Who are you going to war with? Okay, well, then, I would definitely go Conte, because this is like the nerdiest conversation of my life. Because, you know, we're a little less consequentialist. It's like, who cares about the consequences of our actions as long as they're rooted in good intentions? So that seems like a good person to go to war with you know, they're not going to judge you for the bad consequences that happen from your choices. This makes it sound like I'm going to start some No, this is why I was curious. It was a great answers. Alright, there are no wrong answers on comedy round table only right answers. Okay, all the answers are correct. Do you have time for the other topic? Can we do the one last topic? Is that okay, let's do it. As a special bonus round here on comedy round table, we will do the last remaining choice. That's not what I meant. Starting with Jamie. Alright. So based in large part on your name, you are recruited to run for president. Okay, but politics quickly wears thin. Not that you wouldn't be qualified otherwise, but politics quickly wears thin and you want out so give us your opening speech at the net big national debate that you will claim was misunderstood, but it's really your way of trying to get kicked out the race. Oh, so I want people to turn against me and be like, Oh my God, no, we don't want her anyway. Right? You'll say that you didn't mean it. But honestly, I go toward my, the interviews that I do where I take, you know, something that seems like you should understand what it is, but then you don't. So one of my favorite clips for my interview interviews is when I was misunderstanding that Sam is an acronym for surface to air missiles. And I accused an Air Force pilot of wanting to target and kill people named Sam, and saying that that's pretty messed up of the United States Air Force. So I would go in that direction. And I would just make some incredibly strong argument that I'm so upset that we're doing something like that, whatever it is killing people named Sam, which is so clearly off, but hopefully that would be enough, you know, without making people think that I'm like a shit person. Like, I don't want to be thrown in jail, like make a threat towards somebody. Right? But I want to be incompetent. Like I feel like that's the sweet spot. I'm stupid, but I'm not a threat. Don't put me in jail. All right, Adam, what do you got? Okay, so that's not what I meant. So, describe for me the best physical sensation you've ever had in your life. That's nonsexual. Yeah. Brave non drug related. Okay. That's not mean sexual or other physical. I think you meant sexual or drug related, and then you call me comfortable. And you decided under the topic of that's not what I meant. That's that's a little slow on that, okay. I would say ski. You feel like you're flying, you know, no inhibitions when I'm skiing. I'm not good at skiing. But I'll go very fast and not be afraid. Shouldn't you have inhibitions while you're skiing? No, I should, because I'm not good. Last question. As a person who creates content and in an environment where our creation can be misinterpreted, how important do you think it is for an audience to give an artist, the benefit of the doubt, if they are taking the wrong message out of a piece of artistic creation? That's not what I meant. That's not what I meant. You know, as a comedian myself, I probably am more lenient than maybe other people would be where I think you'll make jokes that go over the line or that don't come across, right. And that's, if that never happens. And you're probably not pushing it hard enough. But at the same time, I don't feel like everybody has to be not offended by my jokes. That's okay. It's not my intention to hurt anyone's feelings. But I definitely have received some interesting things that people are offended by, I made a joke about, you know, I read something about two people making out and they were cousins. So I was making a joke about that on my Tiktok. And my sister was in it. And she was like, Yeah, you know, didn't you make out with with our cousin? And I was like, No, I didn't make out with our cousin. And people are offended in the comments that I'm joking about making out with my cousin. Because they think that that's that you don't joke about incest. But you know, I mean, I think you can joke about anything like that's, you know, what am I going to do? Like, be upset? That they're upset by that like, no, so at some point, you just have to accept it. But yeah, in general, I think if someone's trying to make a joke, there's definitely times where the line is crossed. And it's like, really? Are you really trying to make a joke, though? Are you just being a total asshole? But for the most part, I feel like, I don't know. I like to assume best intentions. All right. Well, listen, you have been very gracious with your time here with us this evening. And we do wish you the best of luck. If people want to consume your content online. Where do you would you want to direct them? Yeah, they can search for Caroline Kennedy on tick tock. You won't find me if you just Google that because there's a very famous person named Carolyn Kennedy. It's JFK, his daughter. But if you look for me on tick tock, you will find me and there you can find links to YouTube as well. Those are my spots. Awesome. Well, we sure do appreciate your time and continued success. And so for Jamie, Jamie and Adam and our guests, Caroline Kennedy. This has been the comedy roundtable puts chair back where you found it and we will save one for you the next time. See you soon everybody