Comedy Roundtable

Kelsey Cook, co-host of the Self-Helpless Podcast and World Class Foosball Player (Recorded Live at the Punchline Comedy Club)

November 08, 2022 Kelsey Cook Season 8 Episode 79
Comedy Roundtable
Kelsey Cook, co-host of the Self-Helpless Podcast and World Class Foosball Player (Recorded Live at the Punchline Comedy Club)
Show Notes Transcript

Kelsey Cook took a break from performing on stage at the Punchline Comedy Club (and from taking money from drunk dudes at the foosball table) to sit down at the Comedy Roundtable. Taking money at the foosball table is to be expected from the daughter of an International Yo-Yo Champion and a Professional Foosball player. Oh, and she too is a World Champion foosball player. 

Kelsey Cook is right in the midst of "The Hustler Tour," on which she is headlining forty cities across the United States. Kelsey is a paid regular at The Comedy Cellar, The Stand, Gotham Comedy Club, The Laugh Factory and the Comedy and Magic Club. She is the co-host of the Self-Helpless Podcast on the All Things Comedy Network. You can find her podcast across all podcasting platforms. 

Kelsey’s stand-up special was recently released on EPIX’s Unprotected Sets. She made her late night debut on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, followed by A Little Late with Lilly Singh on NBC. Her other television appearances include Comedy Central’s This is Not Happening, AXS TV Presents Gotham Comedy Live, Punchline on FOX, Uproarious on FUSE and Greatest Party Story Ever on MTV.

Her foosball web-series Wrists of Fury currently has over twenty episodes where Kelsey hustles fellow comedians who don’t know her foosball background. 

Kelsey’s debut album Savor It can be found on iTunes, Spotify and Pandora.

Self-Helpless Podcast: https://www.selfhelplesspodcast.com/
The Hustler Tour: https://www.kelseycook.com/tour

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Ladies and gentleman, comedy roundtable these are great questions. Yes, good comedian a math question. Really good question. Thank you. This is so much fun, you guys. Oh, that is a good question. And that lightning round was so fun. That's a really good question. comedy fans Khan versation enthusiast. It is a brand new episode of the comedy roundtable. Pull up a chair settle in. We have a great conversation for you this episode. Let's get this party started. Jamie Pendel Jamie, Hernan Adam. Hey look at you getting in on the game. I appreciate that. Usually, you're so negative about him giving me the big intro. I just figured people deserve to hear it in stereo. I didn't even know that our podcast was available in stereo. Yeah, it is actually. And actually, if you put the SAP button, it's available in Spanish. We have saved a cheer for you our listener and we've also saved a chair here at the round table for our guest this evening. Kelsey cook. Hey, guys. Hey, Kelsey. We're here live in the diner. Adjacent to the punch line comedy Club. It is a full diner this evening. So if you hear clattering and all the rest, it's because I think there's a party of people celebrating something right adjacent to us. It's Ken platter. This is this is live platter. This is true. Yeah. Grass fed ladder. Yeah, we are grabbing our guests between shows. Right? Part of what I think is what helps our podcast grow organically is the fact that we become a cautionary tale. among comedians and other green rooms to heal. Oh my god. Really? When you go to Atlanta, Jamie is gonna pull you aside to do the podcast don't make Oh my god. They're probably play the intro over a phone. Like Adam guy. Charming. The other ones a little creepy. Comics always in the bathroom between shows for like 45 minutes. Now they say they're gonna be yes. Please don't ask questions. I just cannot come out here. Yeah, leave me alone. Alright, well, we appreciate you being here. Yes, very much. So we are between shows. Eight o'clock show sold out crushed it. Oh, thank you. So excited. Everybody was anxious to say hello. In between shows, which is great. Yeah. are so nice. Yeah. So it's good to have you here. And what do you what's the new thing that you're excited about? That's, we're turning the corner on a new year. Yeah. 2023 will be well, I'm trying to figure out the name of the next tour. But I haven't currently. So it's been the hustler tour this whole past year because of the foosball stuff, and then trying to find people in the cities that I not that I can hustle it Foosball shows. And I feel like now that I started that I almost can't move away from that. Like, I feel like even if I name it a different tour, I gotta keep taking people's money because I'm so addicted. It's just the best feeling. We're also getting. You could call it the sorry, I've got IBS tour. And there's probably a way to take people's money. I'm not exactly sure. I still hustle the foosball table. Yeah. Yeah. Don't be apologetic for right. We're about no spins like that. Oh, spinning the no spinning tour. Yeah, it's just constantly Foosball thing throughout. That might be cool. Yeah, we could just skip. Yeah, three goalies? Yeah, I do love a three goalie, three goalie. Yeah, we're talking foods. You guys don't even know. I think the last time I played Foosball was with you. Yeah. And in fact, I think we were partners, and I think we crushed people. How is he? Good? It's been a while since I've played okay. Yeah, you should have asked me that question. I feel like the man on the stick. Is that what it's called? What's the man on the stick? Just took my headphones off. I didn't even do that other show that just like I can't be around this. bad name for the tour man on a stick. It's not bad. We go. What is it? What is what is the correct phrase? Oh, it's called a rod. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's not like popsicle rod. You're right, that they are called men. Foosball men. Okay, so I feel like they've aged since the last time I've played. I was like, these guys seem younger and faster. Last time I was out here. That process nearly as fast. Okay, so format of the show. Pretty easy. We are going to pick three possible subjects for discussion. You are going to pick two. But you can pick them one at a time. Okay. So one of them will not be used and goes into obscurity forever. Okay. Okay, pressure and your three that you're choosing from our rivalries, childhood games. Best things since sliced bread, I guess let's do let's do childhood games and best thing since sliced bread. All right. We'll start with childhood games and then you can reassess whether you want to do rivalries. All right. Starting with Jamie, I'm gonna defer to Adam now be called the start in the second half. Go ahead. You're gonna start in the second half. Okay, that's excellent. So childhood games, childhood games, starting with Adam, what game did you play as a child that you think looking back at it? Now if you heard of people's children doing this, you would be horrified. Oh, man, there was a game that we would play on the playground called Chicken. And I don't know if that's like a thing that is played other places. But you get on the monkey bars. Where did you grow up? Spokane, Washington. Okay, that's, that's the heart of chicken world. It's two people on monkey bars facing one another right with maybe a couple feet in between. And you try to wrap your legs around the other person like hook them. Whoa. And then with your legs. yank them down from the monkey bars. Yes. Wow. And I mean, we exclusively it was just like cement and gravel beneath us. And that seemed like a completely acceptable. I mean, I watched a kid lose all five of her front teeth. Like immediately. Whatever tea she had coming in all gone. Oh, sponsored by the Spokane orthopedic Association. Yeah. So that was one where I looked back. And that's a really good one since Christ. I mean that. Yeah. What an ab workout. It probably was. Oh, yeah, great core workout. I mean, you're sitting there and you're getting your legs up. And you're trying to wrap them and then you're trying to actually pull them down without letting go of yourself. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, amazing for core. Yes, I would. I would probably say that. Yeah, that's pretty rough. Jamie? All right. Well, I have a very similar question. So I may try to figure out how to mix it up here, but probably should have gone first and not defer to you. Well, she got when I was a kid, I grew up and we had a long driveway. My brother and I would shoot bottle rockets at each other from the top of the driveway to the bottom wasn't the safest or smartest game. What is that? Besides chicken? Yeah. And that was seemed like a more of like a school sponsored event that you had, what was your sort of childhood go to that was maybe not dangerous, but just stupid. So hold on a second, just very similar to your question. Almost exactly my question. But let's, but I do have a different answer. Look at this, this is a pro's Pro. This Pro was stupid and dangerous. We had a tricycle that had foot pedals on the back, if that makes sense if he was into that, and so you would be on it. And we had a babysitter that would come over. And she was a ballerina. She was very, very muscular. And I would put my feet I would let my feet dangle over the handlebars. So they were kind of by the tire. And then she would scoot the tricycle behind me with the foot pedals. And we again, I don't know why so much gravel in Spokane. But we were doing that on a gravel driveway and a rock got caught underneath and everything flipped forward and my foot went under the tire and all of her weight, went on my foot and broke a bunch of bones. Whoa, so your ballet career was over? Oh, I mean, I was she was the ballerina. Right? I want it to be I want it to be. Now that she saw you as a competing ballerina. And she Harding to you. As a small child. She's like you have long limbs look like you'd be a very good. Yeah, that would be pretty maniacal. Yeah. How long? Did that keep you off the chicken circuit? Boy. A while? Yeah, I was I was on the bench. Foot. Yeah, did grip grip nearly as well as she wants to. laughs now. So yeah, that would probably be I would think yeah, that's a great answer to a really great question. Well, another version of what I'm impressed is the pro's pro came up with a different answer. Separate answer. All right. So my question about childhood games, is how regionalized Did you ever have an experience where you would meet somebody, you would describe a game where you'd say, Oh, this is what we played in my neighborhood. And you realize you played that game? It just had a different name? Oh, I don't know if I can think of a specific name necessarily. I just know. I mean, we had all the different turns as I got older, like pop soda, stuff like that. But I'm trying to think if there was a game, can I pass on a question? You can think of one so we had a game. There's a lot of craft way of exams. We had a game that we in our neighborhood was called witches. Okay, right. And it was basically like an after dark tag and bases. Okay, kind of game. Okay. And so that's what you played. You played witches? You guys wanna play witches? Can I guess we're gonna go play witches. But then can when I was describing it to somebody else, and they said, Oh, well, you guys are just playing ghosts. Oh, I see. Okay, what are you talking about? They're like, yeah, you're playing ghosts. No, we're playing witches. My grandma's house was was in rural Idaho. And as a family, we would play a game where we would just throw rocks into a hollow stump far away. So when I would tell people about that they're like, oh, yeah, we call that poor like that. We would never even dream to do something that sad. But I think that's probably the only thing I did you rocks on a gravel. We just throw it further away. Yes. You can clear the field just by throwing. Yeah, we called that game poor. Yeah. Basketball was invented. You know? Yeah, I did end up growing up playing a bunch of basketball. So maybe you had a terrific shot. It's all hand eye coordination baby, who could be lower ball could be smaller. I think I'd like it more basically. We played rockstone called it basketball, we call it alright, that's gonna do it for first round here with our guests. Comedian Kelsey cook. Live here at the punch line comedy club in Atlanta, Georgia. Don't go too far. We are going to be right back with more of Kelsey. Everyone's as we're so self absorbed now with our selfies. But I think we were way worse before the end because at one point, we were all in school, and we all had school picture day. And then we ordered physical copies of photos of ourselves and gave them to people like narcissistic sociopaths. Can you imagine doing that now as an adult? Just going up to a co worker unprompted. Like I signed it. Childhood cat Talley died and I texted my friend Jenna, the news of Kelly's death. But what I didn't realize was that autocorrect changed the name Callie into Kelly which is the name of our best friend. Yeah, since I didn't realize the name it changed this is the text conversation we had got some sad news? Kelly's dead got hit by a car did you call an ambulance? already buried her. All right comedy roundtable continues. Our guest this evening comedian Kelsey cook punch line comedy Club comedy roundtable. Jamie, Jamie and Adam. All right. Our two remaining subjects for our guest this episode are rivalries. And was the other one best things. Just go wait in the car will be the new seriously. I got too far into it. I'm like, I know there was a second thing was one I really like your first question or two topics or rivalries and best thing since sliced bread. Can I do this sliced bread one? Let's just slice bread. Yeah. Okay. All right. Starting with Adam. Before we get into your question, maybe we should talk about Chelsea's podcast. Sure I have a podcast called self helpless. I've had it for over five years now. We're coming up on five and a half years. And it is myself, Delaney Fisher. We also had Taylor Tomlinson as a co host for a long time. And now she just kind of pops in here and there for episodes. But yeah, we basically we kind of like review different self help topics every episode, decide if we think it works. Everything is bullshit. And so there's just so much self help stuff to sift through. Now. There's so many different things. So we try to make it a little bit more like keep people from wasting their time if we see what works, what we think is worth it. So have you actually found certain things helpful? Or is it mostly just bullshit? I mean, I think there there is some bullshit. I think a lot of it is just like, if it helps you then great, right? Like I really like I like Fung Shui. But I also like you can't get too caught up in it where if you think like you put your litter box in a certain corner, it's gonna go bankrupt. Yeah, it's like, you gotta, you gotta cool it on some things. But I think if putting visuals up of the goals you're trying to achieve or whatever, if that helps you feel more focused. And I think that's a great thing, right? So it's kind of like you can make it make it what you want. If throwing gravel is therapeutic for you just do it. I found that there's certain categories of and it seems like a lot of it is just reframing the same stuff. Oh, yeah. A lot of buzzwords a lot of like productivity. Like, you know, you're meditating mindfulness. Yeah. So, again, it's like, I think there are a lot of ways that it gets repackaged. Yeah. For people to make money. But yeah, it's again, I think it's just whatever. Oh, thank you. Okay, so I have this theory about people from people who come from Florida. I usually kind of give you a minus one. And people who come that feels generous, and minus one. Yeah. And then people, I've always met people from Minnesota to be kind of a plus one. And it's like, I'm not saying there aren't jerks from Minnesota, and there aren't great people from Florida, but you haven't handicap to overcome one way or the other. Really? I'd like to take that same analogy to bagels. Right? When you think of bagel flavors, who's your plus one? And who are your minus ones? Like you judge somebody a little bit harshly when they pick that flavor, a bagel? If someone goes sesame seed on a bagel? Yeah, kinda like who hurt you? Yeah, of all the options, that's you're gonna you're gonna have those in your teeth. Right? You're gonna have sesame seed in your smile and the flavor of it. I mean, if if that's the only option? Sure, maybe. But is that is that ever really the only option? Yeah. Have you ever gotten to a place where they're like, it's just we don't have Yeah, we don't have Poppy. We don't have. We don't have blueberry. Yeah, well, and with a little fun friction. It's playing. Yeah, if you could. I mean, so it's friction and a good attitude. Yeah. I mean, who do you judge more of the person getting the sesame seed bagel or the person picking this SMEs off? Let me see bagel. That seems a little sad. There's a lot that's a lot to do you have a plus one. I do an Aussie Iago cheese toasted. Cream cheese. That's tough to me. You're an impressive person at that point. Yeah. Can I can I tell a very quick bagel related anecdote. I had an unusual experience where I was at a function where lunch was provided. Yep. And it was bagel sandwiches. Okay, so already in a little bit of unfamiliar territory, right? sure that the box lunch was bagel sandwiches, like 60% of them were Turkey. And everything bagel. Oh, come on. I mean, really? When you're doing a bagel sandwich, I would have assumed plane you got to 99% planes appeal to the masses. Right? Yeah, if you were going you were going to a very targeted audience. Yeah, to say I'm gonna put out 30 everything bagel turkey sandwiches. For sure. I'm gonna share your life though. Okay, and I in high school, I worked at a bagel place. It was not very busy. A lot of idle time. Made a lot of sandwiches tested a lot of theories. cinnamon raisin bagel, gross ham and swiss. Oh, I am fully on board because I've had something like that. Yeah, one reason surprisingly, works well with savory flavors. Yes. It will change your life. Yeah, I think if if you were gonna make like inside out. Was that the one where the emotions are? Your characters? Yes. And you did that about bagels? I would say I think cinnamon raisin would be among the more gregarious of the bagels. Yes. The happy ones. Yeah, cinnamon raisin with a fried egg and cheddar cheese. So good. I know that sounds crazy. It's really really good combo raisins don't do well on PR on their own. But they want to latch on to that cinnamon because they're like hey, we're writing cinnamon to the dough no they are that is that is definitely a buddy system get off my back Yeah, I could be doing yeah I can do all this stuff man. I'm so good that just to be someone closer to the Commerce I'm gonna throw Ray's gonna be killed if cinnamon base which is the cricket that I hit the cricket judging my own stuff on there so oh my god. And we're recording in a diner. It's like podcast. Like we got a soundproof this studio and you're like, where's the loudest place we can possibly record? Get people right around? Yeah, we turn the TV up right here. We have a diner. We got bling, bling, bling and ski bum. Okay, good bagels, sir. All right. You're vice bread sliced bread question. All right. What is your go to recipe when you need to impress? You got to make something for somebody besides cinnamon raisin bagels sandwiches, go to like I do a pretty good salmon with potatoes. But I think like a good comfort dish is you boil ZD or the really really big pasta tubes I'm talking about. Yes, thank you. And Italian sausage if you roast bell peppers and onion and garlic and then put them all in a pot with marinara and bake it for a little bit. Very good. Impressive. No sides sides just getting away. Yeah, it's just taking up real estate. Yeah. It doesn't need to mix like Don't waste my time with garlic bread honey green rigatoni. Yeah. All right, my slice bread related question. It's a compliment to the thing that is being compared to the invention of sliced bread. Okay, if you were going to come up with a comparable insult it is the worst thing since. Oh, Android phones. Yeah, yes, people are horrible, right? It's strong. And they ruin a group text who instantly people I just tried to send a video of my niece to two of my best friends and one of them has an Android. And they're like, they're like, it's grainy. I'm like, well, who's fuckin follows that Kelly? Yeah. Yeah, get her get an adult phone. Yeah, you made and former best friend, right? Yes, it's true. She says when you're on your emoji game and you just you really kill it. Yeah, like I don't know. I can't see what yeah. What's the mental issue with those people that like, what are you trying to prove? Yeah. Oh, I'm such an individual I'm so anti establishment. I'm so cool. Because I'm outside the norm. It's like know you've got a shittier product and you make a worse experience for everybody you come in contact with their photos make you look weird when they face You look like a Sims character. Everything felt like fuzzy and like, stop it. It is weird. It does at this point feel like a choice of I am. I really don't want to do the thing that I know is better because I just am ingrained. contrarian. Right. I just don't want to go against the norm. All right. Well, it's the worst thing since an Android phone. That's a good that's a good counterpoint to the sliced bread. Yeah, so I'm a checklist. We have alienated half of all US. Good. All we didn't want him anyway. Good. Yeah. Good. Go. So where can people gonna find you online, so you can get Tor tickets at Kelsey cook.com. And then you can follow me on social media at Kelsey cook comedy on Instagram and Tiktok and self helpless podcast wherever you get podcasts. Awesome. This set that you're doing you're working on right now is got a lot of new content that you're working on as well, which sounded like it was crushing the last show. But I know what that's like when you're working through the new stuff. So yeah, hope you have a great set here and the 10 o'clock show. We have one more show doctor after Sunday night for Adam, Adam and Jamie. I did it again. Adam, Adam, Jamie, Jamie and Adam. And our guest, Kelsey, this has been the comedy roundtable puts chair back where you found it makes it's like 340 in the morning here in Florida. I just got done playing foosball for maybe three hours after the second show tonight. I made almost $200 Absolutely drunk dudes at foosball. That's the most I've ever made doing this on tour. Oh my god. I was ready to shit all over Florida. And now I may never leave this is a magical place.