Nick Griffin - Comedian (seen on Conan, the Late Late Show and Comedy Central) and host of the Scary Monsters podcast

Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on this episode all these people here because this guy had some funny at one funny clip or or you know his uncle in the balls or something like that right, trying to set asleep and then you wake up and you're like did I get it go look, I have a Guinness record for running marathons, but won't believe this. I'm also a serial killer. We have saved a chair for you our listener and we've also saved the chair here at the roundtable for our guest this evening, Nick Griffin, we are not at the landmark diner as we normally are adjacent to the punch line comedy club for this episode of the comedy roundtable with Jamie Jamie and Adam. We are instead in studio but Nick is at the club. He had a show last night. I did it was great. Yeah, it was good to be there. And then are you someplace else tomorrow? I am I'm at the comedy cellar in New York City. Okay, awesome. Speaking of New York comedy news, one of the things that'll be happening it'll it will have happened by the time this episode airs. Caroline's on Broadway is closed. Yeah, one of the one of the big comedy clubs opted not to renew their lease kind of an iconic Yeah. comedy Club around for 100 years. So you're saying to me I can go sign I will quick lease put up Caroline's with a K and just like instant equity for my new business? Possibly. Yeah, I don't know how that works, necessarily. And I get the sense that it's probably going to be a swatch store or something come January. Yeah. Well, the m&m store is just up the street. Maybe it'll be a payday store something like payday, like the candy bar. Yeah, I was trying to make a candy reference. Like that's more off Broadway. I just don't have a great candy, you know, knowledge. But yeah, you're right. It is off Broadway. I've noticed a little bit of a transition this year, got some content clips and stuff that you've got up of some sets? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I mean, the business is changing so much and trying to promote yourself on Instagram and Twitter and, and Facebook. It's just a completely different game. I mean, I been doing it 35 years. And it was, you know, you tried to get on some late night shows. And then, you know, sort of waited around to somebody plucked out of nowhere. And now you just try to post a lot of clips and kind of get a lot of followers and then goes from there. It's a different it's an odd game. My perspective on it is twofold. One, the crowd work clip, which is definitely a thing, right. And it seems as though many comics are coming not just to the punch line, but to clubs all around the country. And they're filming what used to be the thing that was avoided, right? I don't want disruptions on this crowd. I'm not necessarily going into the crowd. And and if a comedian was in the crowd for too long, it was it became kind of high stress. And it was it was a little more confrontational. And, you know, there's a variety of reasons of why it wasn't necessarily the norm. But now I think it's become more prevalent in the hopes that you're catching something that then can be turned into a driver of followers and views and awareness and whatnot. A lot of these stand up working the audience clips, I hate to think that they're kind of encouraging the audience to get involved more well, it changes the expectation both ways and what you're saying that because you want that crowd to be quiet until you decide that they can be the show. Yeah, I've just never been a huge crowd work guy. I mean, you know if it comes down to it, sure, I can do it. But I just I've my fun has always been writing good jokes and seeing what happens with that is changing stand up at some level, right? There are some people that are social media, comedians that are not as effective on stage. All these people are here because this guy had some funny at one funny clip or, or you know, hit his uncle in the balls or something like that, right? Think about how many times there have been conversations in which an uncle has said to his nephew, you need to get a job. And the nephew just kicked him in the balls and says, I just got a job. No, I'm saying you need to get a job because I'm tired of getting kicked in the balls. I understand you're making money doing this, but it's from the fetal position. Sounds more like the and select we have three topics for discussion from which we will pose questions that you will answer. So the three topics right now of which you are choosing one are as follows. This town ain't big enough, the Guinness Book or knock knock, I'll go with this town. All right, This town ain't big enough. Starting with Adam. What do you think is the best thing about small town comedy clubs? Like is there anything that's upside to a small town comedy club as opposed to the large big city comedy Club? I love playing the small towns. I mean, I would say half my work is in the Midwest. Yeah. Yeah. And I like it and I feel comfortable there and the people are really nice. I mean, people are nice everywhere. I haven't had that big problem in my career what I mean? Is that a concern of yours at all that could get or even more so than usual? It's it's definitely I don't know, if I were to say it's generational, I don't mean it. Age of performer. I mean it age of time in business, that the longer somebody's been doing comedy, the more they're likely to have a different impression of what the crowd audience interaction should be. I would almost say it's like of like, not like it's a fashion trend, like we're in the bell bottom jeans era of stand up, but it's definitely different wave driven by these other dynamics. Yeah, you know, so All right, if Jamie put me in charge of the punch line, here's the changes I would make every seat would have an electrical charge, and there'd be a board up on stage with the seat diagram that the comedian can control. So you decide, you know, the way for security to come and tell someone to be quiet you decide whether you zap them put away your cell phone. Problem is, you'd be like, I don't know how to work this thing. You'd be zapping the poor little lady who was just the greatest audience members. All right, Jamie, This town ain't big enough. Alright, so if you haven't been able to tell so far, in this podcast, we rely on me to bring it back to like a more serious question is meant to get deeper into your psyche, right? So you're approaching one of these small towns where you're performing at one of these delightful small town clubs with crowds that are perfectly well behaved. And as you get to the outskirts of town, and you're about to come into the town, there is a toddler there. Now the toddler is armed. Right? And the toddler says to you, This town ain't big enough for the two of us. What does that toddler need to be armed with for you to turn around and skip out on your performance? What if that's a crazy scenario? Jeez, that's a great question. No, it's not. No. No, no. I mean, any sort of guns gonna make me uncomfortable? Especially it's a toddler holding the gun. Like, is he gonna fire that thing? Accidentally? Yeah, Nerf gun. No, no Norfolk gun, but yeah, I would say any sort of guns gonna make me. I had one guy have a gun at a show one time. I can't remember where it was, but showed me as he was leaving. Right, like an intimidating way. You better be funny. You're right. Is that kind of to steal Adams favorite question? I'm not a follow up question. Yeah. So now you come to that the toddler went away. Because it was just, it was just another? Yes. You have to clarify. naptime. It takes them a while to get that it's a small enough town that patrol. He's a toddler. He's not becoming Capone. He's like, God, I got another place. They're gonna shake down the spot shows up. Oh, you, you and you're chopping down restaurants for protection and toddler driving a battery operated monster truck. Alright, so the nerve toting toddler who you were not worried about leaves, but in his place? Oh, no. Yes. Fifth graders start to appear. How many fifth graders would have to be there? They're unarmed. At this point, how many fifth graders threatening you that this town a big enough? Would there need to be before you didn't just say I'm coming through you people I would probably go through four. But five is too many. Yeah, it just because of their hyperactivity and their, you know, energy, I would be freaked out about I mean, even like, 21 year olds in the audience when they're in there. I get a little just because they're so jacked. I don't know if you have kids, but God, I just, it's a fifth graders are like 10 years old. 11. Yeah. So like, that's pretty intense. If you put five of those guys, you know, like, and in their hyped up state, right. Like, that's a dangerous combination. Like, it's something that you'd be kind of like, okay, so you guys could take out all my limbs and still have a guy swinging. Right. Right. And also, I think, like, at that age, and I can't remember that age great. But I would imagine they just have no respect for me whatsoever on just a base level. Yeah, I didn't say this town a big enough for the two of us, sir. Right. They did not know. All right. Many, many comedians have some joke that includes a reference to a smaller nearby community. Oh, so how small does a town have to be? Before it's too small? To be an understood reference by a comedian? No, you're just picking on a small town at that point. Every but many comedians have a Joe Yeah, a very small town where there are weirdos. And many comedians ask what's the town nearby that everybody makes fun of? Yeah, Tim Wilson always used to use when he was in like Chattanooga and Nashville. We would always reference Soddy Daisy right. I don't know how to smile though to be in then you're just being abusive. Oh, I don't think anybody views it as picking on the town. Oh, I would. Like I'm like Are you seriously gonna be mean to those guys? Like they seem like a very nice Amish town. Right yeah yeah easy but yeah held stuff in Harrisburg. Yeah the first time I worked with Tim Wilson just by the way I remember we got back they usually or sometimes have certainly had more of them in the 90s commonly condos instead of pulling you up in a hotel and we had just done one show on like a Wednesday or Thursday and he said, I don't like the way you dress but you got some pretty good jokes. Like Tim Wilson Yeah, yeah. All right. So for round one, this is comedy roundtable. We will be back with more of our guest Nick Griffin. This is Jamie Jamie and Adam comedy roundtable will be back in just a moment. But not super poor, but I know exactly how much money I have in the bank and all types that's a bad place to be when you know exactly how much money you have. It's like an eight I have $44 that my buddy said at least you got your health by Google I get to be poor for a long time. Are you thinking about when you're broke? I'm broke. Do your job do your errands but all you're thinking the whole time that's I'm broke? I'm jogging. I'm broke. doing paperwork I'm broke. Even when you're having sex I'm broke. Thank God this is free. I have a tiny apartment and and you got to walk five flights of stairs to get to it. Yes, five flights of stairs to get to a tiny apartment so it's exhausting than disappointing. It's like taking a really long hot bus trip to Denny's. So this episode is actually sponsored by our friends. Midnight facts for insomnia. I fucking love those guys. Janie Duncan are great. Yeah, two comedians play off of each other pretty well. Fun back and forth banter. You could learn a lot you do learn a lot you could learn a lot. I could learn a lot you don't think you could learn a lot? Now my back and forth banter is is on point. Oh, you're saying I can learn about banter not facts. Oh, actually, you could do both. You listen to their show. I'm pretty sure you could learn all about the facts they bring up but you're generally pretty cool, interesting stuff, but also about how to do good better. Do you have to listen to show at midnight? No, you can listen to it anytime I actually you know sometimes I listen on the drive in and how do you get their show? It's on almost every podcast platform. Well, this feels like a good time to listen to their promo. Do we have their promo? We do have their promo. Well, why don't we still talk? I don't know. Do the promo Hey, comedy roundtable listeners. Since you're a fan of this podcast. That means that you enjoy being entertained through your earholes and you appreciate unfiltered sarcasm. And that's why we think you'll love our show. It's called Midnight facts for insomniacs. And it's a history and pop culture podcast featuring weekly deep dives into a diverse variety of topics, and also featuring us comedians and lifelong friends Shane Rogers and Duncan McEwan. So whether you're nocturnal, sleep deprived, or just a fan of laughing and learning will keep you entertained with more than 120 episodes covering everything from astrology to pirates, cults, to UFOs conspiracy theories to the history of personality tests, just search for midnight facts in any podcast player to join the midnight masses. Back with more of the comedy roundtable, Jamie, Jamie and Adam, our guest is comedian Nick Griffin. So we have two topics left Nick. Oh, they are the Guinness Book or knock knock. I am gonna go with the Guinness Book just out of curiosity. All right, the Guinness Book starting with Adam. All right. So if you are sitting in an airport bar, and there's somebody who sits next to you, which which one is most likely you want to actually have a conversation with, oh, a guy who actually has a Guinness World Record, it's something to a guy who has a interesting like a foreign accent or three, a guy who used to work for the government who have those three, who are you most likely want to talk to? I'm gonna have to say Guinness. Yeah, right. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I don't know anything about government also. And it seems horrible. So the government guys out the more he'll talk to me, the more I'll get confused, right? The interesting accent guys may be second place, right? Because you're like, he's a foreign traveler. So he must have some good stories, right? But again, this guy, like what drove you to do something, right? That's the guy who, you know, got kicked in the balls 20 times by the kids stop or whatever. It's anyway, what the hell? Let's go for let's go for the Hold on. Are you telling me that the record is only 20. I can take 21 not thought of a record I could break but I might be able to break out. So hold on a second. There. That might be the kind of record where you find out very quickly. That is a hard record. To take into your head wondering I'm just gonna do this. This is much harder than I thought. Yeah, I have a great deal of respect for that guy. Actually, the record may be one. That's amazing, though. There actually has to be somebody has to have the record for that. Yeah, it would be interesting to find out what what did they The best part is, I think, and I've looked a little bit into Guinness record, because at one point in my life, I was like, Wouldn't it be cool to actually have your own, you know, to have accomplished this and I was trying to figure out one, that would be easy, you usually have to have an official from Guinness present, or you have to videotape it, and to the point where they, you know, under their certain circumstances, to get that to Guinness, but the guy who flies in for the ball kicking the Guinness guy, he's like, he's like, Oh, that wasn't an official kick. Because it really wasn't a good one. Yeah, that was all thought. He's like, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I gotta disallow or disallowing that last two years, you're back at 20. Okay, so you're the Guinness guy you're gonna talk. Just seems like a regular guy who would do that. It sounds like one of my friends who would try to come up with the Guinness record. Alright, so what activity do you think is not deserving of a Guinness Book World Record? Because they pretty much seems like they will do anything that you can document? Could it be sleeping? I don't know, biking, I mean, any of these things that are just like, you could just do it over and over and over and over and over that? I don't know. I like I like the ones that have to do with pain. I select the ones that have to do with like, large getting larger or just thinking about the sleepy guy. They're like, No, that's a fucking coma this time, they're like, holy shit. He's not getting get us guys like, Yup, you got the week. One Bye. Oh my god. So holding your breath to say like, I'm gonna go underwater and hold my breath. Yes, you can kind of count and be like, Okay, I gotta get to 120 seconds. I gotta get to 125 seconds. Yes, sir. Trying to set a sleep record. And then you wake up and you're like, Did I get it go? Like it was, it was too close. I was like, probably one minute away. No, you're like seven hours? away. It's like, Are you fucking kidding me? I slept for eight days. Yeah, this is bullshit. So do you think there's any serial killers that as they were deep into their serial killing, that they were just recognized for this, they were disappointed to get the credit I deserve? Yeah, I feel like I've killed 40 People, I'm calling for 44 Hang on a second, the worst way to get discovered you've done all this work. And now you're submitting it for recognition. That's an undercover cop who shows up the good guy will be there, what's a good time. But make sure everything has to be documented. You know, again, his corporate headquarters has gotten what's the record for like, you know, horrible thing. And then like, we're gonna send the police to the how many people have you killed? 17. It's 17. You can stop. By the way you satisfied the record, you don't need to. Alright, so Guinness Book, if you're going to meet somebody who is a Guinness Book World Record holder. Would you rather that be a person where the most interesting thing about them is the fact that they have a Guinness World Record? Or that the least interesting thing about them is that they have a Guinness World Record. Oh, geez. I'd pay say least right. Yeah, yeah, I would like me here what else they've done with their life. So Jamie, can you wrote this question down? Right. I did. This was this was the good question. Yeah, it's pretty obvious that it would be the most interesting person, the guy who just sat who says, Look, I have a Guinness record for running marathons. But you won't believe this. I'm also a serial killer. They won't give me that one. But actually, I have to, I have to. One is recognize the others. The reason why I asked the question is I would be fascinated by a person who is so brutally boring. Yes. And yet what I'd be more interested to talk to, you have done nothing in your life. Except for 30 days. Yes. Yeah. Right. Like to that person. That person wants to talk about it or don't want to talk about it. Be like, well, I've done a couple of things. Like I jumped rope one time for 30 days in a row, but I found Google. Like he actually was incredibly interesting, but that's all he wants to talk about. He's like, my daughter. The only thing he had, it's like, I do nothing else. I don't I don't like you don't have a sports team that you follow. You don't. Is there a book that you've read? That's interesting. You like ya know your story about your childhood, a jump rope, man. That's what I do. I'm gonna try and break my own record. There may be nothing maybe more tragic than to be a former Guinness World Record holder. Especially if it's the guy who has nothing else in his life. Yeah, number two now. Yeah, but could you imagine you just took it you But so so you you're now you've become a public speaker. You do a whole Tech Talk go to companies to talk about productivity, right? And you're like, we've got it. We got a treat for you guys today bio introducing world record holder. He's now number two. A close friend of mine had a an enormous walnut tree in his backyard. And he was. And he was actually looking at doing some renovations. And the roots were all under his house, right everywhere under his house. And he called the university, the local university to say like, what's the best way to deal with like, I don't want to kill the tree. Right. So let's send an arborist and they're like, Well, how big is the tree? And he said, Well, it's like this. And they're like, no, no, you're measuring it wrong. And they told him how to measure it. And they're like, well, that's the biggest walnut tree in the entire state. And so they're like, You must be measured. We're gonna send an arborist over to measure it. And so they did and it turns out it was the largest walnut tree in the state and they gave him like a little plaque that he can put on his house that says like this is but the old largest walnut tree guy sent him actual hate. Was there crushed walnuts in the envelope? Yeah, it's Monday kicking the balls. Let's take another break. Here on the comedy round table with our guests comedian Nick Griffin. We will be back with our final topic here on comedy round table gym. And you can't compare yourself to other people. That's another big trap for not feeling good, you know, because you see other people their lives and you go away. think LeBron James White as he gets. Don't think about that. You know, Brad Pitt? Think about Brad Pitt. Imagine that. Brad Pitt? Great looking rich, famous Oscar sleeping with Angelina Jolie. Holy moly. What did this guy do pull a thorn out of God's paw? Or his parents leprechauns. Amazing life though Brad Pitt. It's gonna be I don't know one and a billion to have that kind of resume life. Wow. You think Brad Pitt praise No, I'm good. final segment bonus segment, I guess here with our guests on the comedy roundtable. Jamie, Jamie and Adam our guest this week is comedian Nick Griffin. We are down to our final topic you can choose either knock knock or knock knock. I'm gonna go with Knock knock. All right. Knock Knock starting with Adam. This one is not gonna go where you think it's gonna go? Which is my my my kind of my calling card on these misdirection. Yeah, so knock knock. Have you ever been in any kind of fight? Sure. Tell me about any kind of physical fight you've ever been in? Well, I used to box when I was like 1516 Yeah. Okay, so you did a lot of fight. Yeah, not a lot. But like, I don't know. I think I had five fights when you punch people to do say literally knock knock. You're asking is there a dramatic fight story that you can remember? Not really but I remember I that's not because of the boxing the memory has been taken like I just don't remember them. Oh, I know a funny thing about boxing as I box when I was young and then when I moved to LA I started going to this boxing gym called Wild Card boxing gym where the world trainer Freddie Roach, I don't know if you ever heard of Fred Roach but he trained Pacquiao and a bunch of other big fighters. If you went in the morning it was mostly like actors and stuff and that's when I went Mario Lopez used to go to I think he still goes to the gym. yeah that guy from yeah kind of funny for a boxing ring. Yeah, he asked me one day do you want to you know kind of move around and throw some punches and I said sure. And and he is trading in a tray and Russia trader that just started some guy in the gym who you know paid to show him the ropes and stuff and and the trader said let's just go easy, you know? And I said sure you know fine you know, I don't want to get hit or anything and then and then within this 30 seconds of the first round he's just Wally God me coming at me with all purines blazing and I dare to wear your screech costume team Zach with a bad call that day, I was teamed Zach and I was also going half assed and I just got my head walked in and I just remember like looking at go I thought we were gonna go halfway to go. No, no, we were we weren't going halfway. I was like the trainers basically like make my guy look, I guess basically the story is I got beat up by Mario. That is what the trainer does, right? He calls the guy that's how he makes your makes him a good trainer. Yeah, he's like, don't let me go talk to your opponent. Let me warn you about your jacket. Let me free from your style. This kid's gonna come with everything. No he's not. He's not come half assed, please. I'll throw you. I'll throw you a video. I might get you a walk on part. I mean, I can't make I can't make promises. I can't Yeah, I'm not gonna guarantee anything but I'm thinking three episodes as the pay sides new drama teacher. Knock Knock Jamie. What would be the strangest item to sell door to door? Jeez, I think meat would probably be a big one. I don't wanna pressure you but you should probably make a decision pretty soon. This won't be here tomorrow. It's getting hot. Bring a cow with you. Knife super fresh. Yes, it's gonna be the freshest steak you've ever had toys would be difficult Can I trust you and so awkward here's what's gonna happen I have some items in this case you open it I'll step back a few feet Yeah, you go ahead and pick out what you anything you want to point to some some brown bags that you can put this in the worst. You always kind of start those businesses with your family first so you'd be like a grandma. This is gonna be awkward. I grew up watching Showtime movies and late night Showtime movies was all about like seduction and like kind of almost like just above r rated and there was always some housewife who was seducing some young guy and I remember being a I did yard work in my neighborhood for years, you know? And I remember thinking every time I swear to God every day I started mowing the lawn and coach someone's gonna come out at any point hit on me and hit on me. Yeah, I'm probably gonna hook up with this lady. Right? I'm 105 pounds. 14. Am I someone not? Am I mowing the lawn the wrong way. I'm mowing the story. Yes. Something. Is there a is there a I gotta go rewatch that. I don't know what this guy was doing. But it was like, do I need to upgrade the pool? Boy? Is that what I need to do? When you were mowing the lawn? Did you put that music soundtrack in the background? That you know those movies or or she comes out the housewife comes out to pay you and you're like, No, you forgot your wallet. Right? Like no, I can have it right here. No. Positive. Maybe we could figure out an alternative. You're like yeah, and she's like, No, I mean like credit card credit card. Yeah, that was my big fantasy. Yeah. Makes sense for going door to door when I was Nico was mowing the lawn at midnight. What am I not to what am I must be missing something so and you've got the rival across the street. He was getting all the ladies right. Oh, boy. Oh boy. Yeah, boys. walked by. winks. A little. Nice job on boy. We're always getting tail when we were kids like the young lifeguards at the pool. Oh, yeah. Okay. All right. So Knock, knock, knock, knock. All right. Is there an opportunity that came knocking that you now look back on and say it would have been a door to go through Keenan Ivory Wayans had a late night talk show not in living color was after that he had a late night talk show for a minute after it was I think it lasted a year the money was so crazy. I mean, I was 30. So I didn't know any better. I didn't have much to compare it to but it was really good money. And I think I could have been a writer on those late night talk shows for 1012 years or maybe longer. But it wasn't very fun. Many, many hours. It's fun initially, but just there forever a Yeah, I just didn't I didn't love writing jokes about Bush or Clinton or whatever it was. It just didn't it didn't make any sense. Yeah, current affairs and you're just motoring through of like you get done with one side and you got to do another set. It's hard to write quality jokes, so that I had a chance to maybe pursue that a little bored and never I dove I decided I wanted to do and I think we all enjoy a good laugh over now a bit small towns now instead of a small town that this is a small town but I always thought the idea of a writer room like that would be kind of fun. Like a bunch of guys that are it is funny, like, you know knocking up jokes, like essentially kind of kicking off each other and kind of saying, that's fun. Yes, fun. Ball busting is fun to go around the office and that kind of stuff. But just the sheer hours. You're there. It's not your material. Yes, that's designed to be perishable. You write 10 jokes about Bush's trip to Japan you write 10 jokes about Bush's we. So we come up with 40 jokes, right? And then we kind of kick around and go Are any of these usable? And it's just a it's a different kind of grind process because it's not the development of material that you would use on stage, right? You're just churning, right? You're just churn and burn. Did ya? Everyone was nice there and no you don't get it you didn't get yelled at but it would just be like produce more and faster. Yeah, I bet all right, you should be making sure that you get a chance to go see Nick wherever he is around the country follow like and subscribe. Sure, comic Nick Griffin on Instagram and the Nick Griffin on Twitter and then Nick Griffin dotnet do you do that like the Ohio State University you're like the Nick Griffin for Jamie Jamie anatomy that was always a treat to get to see you appreciate you being here with us continued success in the coming year. Make sure you go check out Nick put your chair back where you found it before too long. There will be another episode of comedy round table. I'm sorry comedy Club available for you