Steve Byrne - Comedian and Actor (Co-Host of the Two Cool Moms Podcast along with Joe Gatto) - Recorded Live at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta, Georgia

Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on this episode. Well, Gene Simmons would be like, here's the kiss burger. There's the kiss ketchup. There's the kiss busters. What article clothing would you like to see become the standard items be thrown at a comedian instead of tech? I think there's a big bump Chris Rock. And I think Chris Rock never gives into this moment. Never do an award show again. They're fucking over it. Nobody gives a fuck anymore. We've learned a lot already. We learned about pitch earlier. I did we we have saved a chair for you our listener and we've also saved a chair here at the roundtable for our guest this evening. Steve Byrne. Oh, here we are. Welcome into the show. Thank you so much. Here at the punch line comedy club in Atlanta sitting in the famous landmark diner. You hear the 10 o'clock show ready to go in? They have queued up. Yes. Just got done with a very hot sugar show. SCOTT Yeah. scorching say when we slaughter dropped? gorging, Joe dropped bass and beats to that and just loop that. Just keep it that's it. Yeah. You've been busy. Special out on Amazon Prime. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of fun. It was I think sometimes you do these hour specials and then you you just do them and they're done. And then sometimes they affect you. And this one affected me because it's a late night talk show that is an hour special. So I started learning how to write one liners. I started learning about monologue jokes. I started learning about you know, the trimming the fat on jokes, and I learned a lot from a good friend of mine Argus Hamilton out of the comedy Store who I consider the best monologue joke writer I've ever met and come across and at one time he had the the record for most tonight show appearances with Johnny Carson back in the day when when doing the Tonight Show and doing a late night talk show meant something right. The new hour like just taught me a lot because I think sometimes people think oh, you're a comic. Just go roast him your comic just go up and do clean humor your comic just go up and improv it's like they're all different. So doing an hour that's a talk show format. It's monologues one liners, panels, storytelling, straight up, stand up, crowd work, different muscle. And so I've been just like leaning more on to muscles until I find the voice of the next special and the two voices now or just like crowd work. fuck around. Let's see what happens live by the wire. And then the other is the monologue jokes and just do one liners. So So Ben Oh, hold on. Can you tune up for a minute? Can you tell Adam and me more about trimming the fat? Well, gentlemen, greens, greens is what you need to stop dipping food and ranch dressing. Oh, stop assaulting Putin stop eating meals with a side of fries. I think that's when it turns around. Alright, so we're gonna bang through a couple of quick lightning round style questions. You will have your choice of subject there will be three topics one of which will be unused. You don't have to announce them all now but the three you have to pick from our pitchforks networks, gene sequencing, gene sequencing, famous footwear, famous footwear. Okay, I would normally go with the easy route because I thought if I was ever on Celebrity Jeopardy, I want the easiest shit, right? But I'll go the hardest. And I'll go with the number two bracket gene sequencing. Yes, because this sounds more difficult and I want to challenge myself so so gene sequencing, starting with start with my book. Starting with Jamie Okay, here we go. comedy roundtable. Steve Byrne edition. All right. If Gene Simmons, were competing on Dancing with the Stars with Richard Simmons. Oh, what song would they dance to? And what would Richard Simmons say to Jean at the end of the dance as he spun them around and went for the dip? Okay, I'm not Wayne Brady. So I'm not this good at improv. Okay. really specific. Like you're really leading me to water here, right? specific terms. So it's like, hey, I can lead a horse to water. But what if that water was just like Gatorade, and one of them was just like Gatorade, but also like sponsee. Just like Jesus Christ. Okay. I'll do my best. Let's make it easier if Simmons and Richard Simmons. Were having dinner right here in the landmark diner. Yeah. What do you think their topic of conversation? Well, Gene Simmons would be like, there's the kiss burger. There's the kiss ketchup. There's the kiss mustard, and Gene Simmons spec, whatever, whatever. So I think there's two very distinct ways. But also Gene Simmons has kind of disappeared from everybody. Yes, he is the lone shooter in the grassy knoll. We don't know if he's still there. We don't know if he was ever the true. I don't know if Gene Simmons ever existed, because he could be the fourth shooter of the grassy knoll. So I would say Gene Simmons is the one that's marketing every single condiment and salad and appetizer and closer and dessert. Do the fucking Gene Simmons gets gets good dessert cheese shake. It's just like he's all over the mass dressing, right? Yes, he's all my boys. Richard disappears. Okay. So Richard Simmons Yes, I would have thought it has never been a Supercuts. Right. So he's had fro for 18 Fucking millennial. He was at the he was at a pretty high level of celebrity. Yeah, for sure. Danny's early not not having died. Yeah, completely disappeared. Well, he's healthier. He's never gonna die, but he's gonna be here. He's gonna outlive China. And this front from Russia and everything else he will always be here. Always. Always. Gene Simmons, me sue me. Richard Simmons did go to Supercuts and he and your barber there and he said, Just take a little off the top. How do you work with that? Give me the Jesse Eisenberg. That's what it asked for. Yes. Give me the Facebook. Yeah. Let's see. I think you're right though about Simmons. He's never dying. Like they're still here that will that will become grandparents before he dies. Richard Simmons on the Grim Reapers bucket list. No, because I think even the Grim Reaper would be like, Dude, you're too fucking fun. I can't I can't do it's like a puppy. Your puppy behind a rainbow. I love you. I was just thinking that the Grim Reaper is like a reverse. Amazon is just showing up and taking packages out of houses to come in with me. With me. Oh, God. I hope that grim reaper Chuck has not been here. Yeah, he just mentioned that Richard Simmons was the puppy. If Gene Simmons and Richard Simmons, were at the landmark diner. Is there a risk that Gene Simmons would rip the head off of Christ with you and your questions? All right, Adam. Yeah, gene sequencing. So it gets kind of tricky. If I go into jeans, like I don't like here's what I'm gonna do. Because I see you all have notes. Yeah. I want to throw you off for a loop. Yeah, ready? Go. So there are three options hit me gave one option was was Gene theory and then you came up with the with the question. Yeah, so I want the second option. And then you give me your best question. The second option the second option the second option. pitchforks are famous. So pitchfork your best question on the pitchfork pitchfork go Have you ever seen pitch like the chemical pitch? I've seen Pitch Perfect. No like that stuff's like goo like pitches like never seen it. It's almost like a an oily gooey mix. I was he pitches like a doc about Nolan Ryan. But so what is pitch? Actually, it's like a it's like a really oily goo. And okay, it's called Pitch and why do you keep holding up your strong hand to tell me where to go? Sorry, I guess. I'm wondering like, why would you because there a lot of friction that's involved to get this thinking a pitch fork would be almost useless. Like using a fork to move pitch from one place to the other seems almost entirely useless in gardening is, is a pitchfork still up obsolete, or would it be people use pitchforks, but the name pitchfork doesn't make sense because to get pitch, it'd be like it'd be like there's a shovel. I'm right. There's shovel, you could use a shovel to move and then there's a rake and there's no in between and the pitchfork is the in between to go? Do you want to the garden sports? The garden is horrible for pitch. So I guess what, I've never had a conversation about pitch before. I just really thank you for making my question. Sweet. We've heard it's almost like it's almost like a slime. From where from plants from pledge. I assume the pitchfork is discerning or getting rid of that which you would think but it's not because it's a three prong fork that's moves. Hey, so what's tried it? Yeah, it's essentially a farm trident. I feel like Steve has to get producer credit on this episode because he just yeah, he just stepped in. He's like, I'm gonna tell you this sequencing thing wasn't it was pretty darn solid. It was what was the third option though? was third option was famous footwear famous footwear famous footwear. Okay, so we have a question coming from Jamie. I assume more famous footwear and that would be actually due to sex. I would have hit you with these questions, but then we'll do the second round. Oh, Captain, My Captain. Yeah. Okay. You gotta you gotta footwear, famous footwear. People get into celebrity collectibles. Okay. Okay. Is there a celebrity item that you either have that was gifted to you, okay, or that you would have an interest in obtaining? Well, when I did my last special, I would say that one of the one of the things that was cool was the production designer, and we went through this was the Carson desk. And what we placed on there was the three items Carson had on his desk, which was a cigarette lighter, and his cigarette box, which Don Rickles famously broke. And then the white mug, with Carson's face on it with white pencils. I think of the three. I would think that the most famous is the is the mug with Carson's headshot on it with pencils on it. So if I were to buy anything as a comedian. As somebody who's lived my whole life in comedy, I would think the greatest the holy grail of, I guess like, collectibles would be for me the Carson bugs on his Carson's face on it with white pencils on in it, but it would be the mug. Yeah. Could you imagine how cool that'd be to have in your house? i By the way I would buy it if I ever had that money or buy it and give it to the Smithsonian say right? You You don't even realize how valuable this is right? This is priceless and you drink out of it. Once you after you buy it. You call it priceless. And then if you drink out of it, Ed McMahon. You want to hear beer? You are correct, sir. He was Norman Rockwell. Like you'll never get that again. Norman Rockwell will never paint paint a picture of you know, fucking Banksy, doing something incredible is just like, No, there's moments in time where you go, that was specific. And we all can, you know, just gather around that moment where art was communal entertain was communal. Carson was communal. Everything's so fractured now. It doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter to Vaughn Thompson Gora? You know, Whitney Cummings. I'm just thinking in terms of like comedy, but everything is so fractured. Yes. People don't have that communal reference point anymore. And Carson was a lightning rod for it. I was gonna mention comedy pin Jada? comedy of him. Jada, your podcast? Yes. Was that it? That's it. Okay. Okay, Jamie. So all right, we're gonna end segment one right here. We'll be back with more of comedy roundtable and our guests deeper right after this. In the middle of a sidewalk, broad daylight, there is a homeless man taking a shit. He looks up at my wife and he goes, Well, hello, beautiful. My wife is horrified. And I cannot stop laughing This dude's taking a shit and he's hitting on my wife at the same time. I'll tell you what, you get her number. You get the keys to the house, sir. I thoroughly enjoy my lunch. My wife did not eat for some reason. As we're getting up she goes oh, by the way, when we go home, we're not going to walk home that I'm like we're walking back. Exactly. That way home. I need to see America's hero again. This man has been placed under arrest. He sees my wife again. Lock sighs This is what goes down. He's like, Well, maybe you motherfuckers you don't know the fuck you're fucking around with. Well, hello again. Oh my god, this dude has no pants. He just took a shit. He's going to jail and sex is still the priority here. That's the greatest way man I've ever met my entire life. And he's right here in the front row. Thanks again. Buddy. was playing ice hockey. I got hurt his mood hungry walking out. And as I do, my son and daughter both walked towards me. And each one of them grabbed a hand. And the minute my kids held my hand, any negative feelings they had dissipated. Gone. I felt euphoric. I felt joyful. In fact, I felt happy. I felt happy. And that night I was giving my son a bath and I looked down at my son I say can I love you, buddy? And my son looked at me said I love you too. Dad. Then he looked confused and a little turtle shit bubbled to the top of the tub. And I thought that's life. That's life right there. Life gives you these little moments that happen is so embrace when it happens because there's a turd of shit waiting right around the corner to fucking ruin everything. Back with comedy roundtable comedian Steve Byrne. Yes. All right. So comedy Zenyatta? Is the podcast devoted a lot already. We learned about pitch earlier. Did we? I enjoy the idea of sitting with comedians and watching other comedians. Yeah, that's the that's the whole show. comedy pen era. So we did a Nashville for a long time. But you know, when every comic comes to Nashville, I'm on the road. So I just moved to New York City, maybe a week ago, just banked a bunch of episodes. So I'm doing out in New York City where all the comics are and just banked a bunch episodes and it's fucking great. It's, I mean, I've seen podcasts where stuntman breakdown stunts, I've seen movie podcasts where they break down like special effects like Star Wars and Avengers on my cars fucking cool. But I've never seen it done which would stand up and I thought it wouldn't be fun to see stand up sitting down breaking down stand up comedians. And what it does is not only do we break down the bits, but we also have I think when you've done this for so long, you basically have met everybody, right? And you know, everybody. So now you're getting a breakdown of why that bid is good or bad. From an objective standpoint. Because you're you're you're always judging the bid, not the Stanhope, it's privy to a bunch of stories about the standard. So we're watching Yeah, so now we're talking about Crusher. Now we're talking about sports, and now we're talking about whomever it is. But also we're talking about why Gerard Carmichael shit the fucking bed on the Golden Globes or Ricky Gervais right now most of them go Golden Globes, so So you're getting like kind of like inside Intel. If you're a comedy fan on one I those things are special, whether or not alright, so we do have a 10 o'clock show here. punch line comedy club in Atlanta. You're with us this weekend. You've got your Vegas residency you're doing at Kimmel's place. Normally, we go one more round the questions three times around based on the first segment and the time of the next set needing to begin. I'm feeling maybe it's the time to Audible and do a similar style for round two. Yeah, sure. Yeah. The three questions that you had, still have the same questions, and then you just get to pick which one which other person. What I was actually saying is maybe even just say, just pick one of the three of us to ask a question. But that'll be me because I had awesome questions. No. It's a visual. It's a visual Pargo, Jeremy. So we usually don't do this, but back in the saddle, baby. So you, Okay, should we do the sponsor now because we're gonna lose a lot of listeners. So pitches, this scientific material, a bucket goop, and you thought, what should I call this? I bet. Alright, so I'm gonna go scoop. Famous footwear. All right. All right. In 2008, Iraqi journalist moved to Dar Al Zaidi famously threw his shoe at George Bush. Yep. What article of clothing would you like to see become the standard item to be thrown at a comedian instead of heckling? So not tomatoes? Because that was like the kind of Polycom vaudeville closest I've seen anybody throw tomatoes was Richard Ross. I did a road gig with him and somebody threw a bottle of Heinz ketchup at him. Oh, that's a statement. That is pretty clear. It's pretty. It was pretty ballsy and rich, of course, fucking just lost it decimated this person in the most comedic but also like, right, justifiably? So. Like he just was I kind of angry but also like, infused humor with anger because that's a difficult crosshairs to match when you're onstage when somebody says something, they crossed the line. You still gotta maintain the room right? You still gotta be a comedian. You can't be you can't go down to the level of that. And I saw vos do it and I was like, wow, that's fucking great. He didn't lose the fucking room. And he still got laughs and he buried that guy was fucking great. I've not seen anybody ever throw anything at a comedian Other than that, no bras being thrown it like never seen a bra. I've seen some lawsuits come at comedians baseball catch later. They'll baseball caps I don't know whether you guys have all anybody seen anybody throw anything? I've never seen it No, other than the ketchup bottle. Yeah, Will Smith was the only thing I've ever seen reach a stage in a big stage and do that so I would think if you're gonna do that, Yeah, fucking bring yourself because I think most comics know most comics know you got the high ground I have the high ground and Anakin right? And you could take them out Chris Rock bit his lip in that moment I saw it I saw the replay 1000 times he bit his lip he could have shit oh yeah fucking brilliant way and I know he was just like take the high road shut the fuck up let this ride out and he there was a moment he got any bit his left like that was it that was Yeah, yeah, he fucking went in the trench and I was like I respect him more for what he didn't say and I'd love to know what he what it was gonna say and again to your point rock candlelit perfectly the whole this really? Really to he probably fucking take him out. And I honestly think if you're Chris Rock, I don't even know if you have an address it and next one I think everybody's waiting for you to I think you you. You get together with some of the best minds. You get your Neal Brennan. You get your you get your best pals together in a room and you just say how should I address this? You make that the opening of the next special. You fucking decimate? Not only him but the situation. Yeah, because I've heard they have made up. I think you you ridicule the situation. You take some potshots at him. Fucking make him feel worse than he's ever felt. And then you move on to some of the greatest material you've ever done in your life. Because you know, the world's looking at you. That's right. I think it's a big moment for Chris Rock. And I think Chris Rock never gives into this moment. Never do an award show. Go in there fucking over and nobody gives a fuck anymore. Yeah, just go all in on the next special. All right, well, speaking of which you have your own material to do. We appreciate you taking the time to visit with us here. It's always a treat to see you in Atlanta continued success and where people find you online. Craigslist. It's misconnections it's called Jabberwocky. Jo Koy? Yeah. Steve Byrne live is the majority of the handle on social media. All right, continued success NEXT TIME ON THE comedy round table puts chair back where you found it. We will see you the next time here at the punch line comedy club in Atlanta or at the round table next to the duck. Challenge accepted Are scorching, scorching, scorching, scorching, scorch score should keep it keep keep, keep it on the scorching, scorching rough face and pizza that just loop that drop base, drop base, drop base, drop, drop drop base and beats to that and just leave that of course that's it. Yeah.