Mike Speenberg - Comedian (Dry Bar Comedy, Special Titled Pizza and Corn)

Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on this episode. So your three topics to choose from this episode, our director's cut excursion, or old dogs new tricks. I can't see the ground. See the plane? Yeah. All right, hold on a second. We're I just want you to raise your hand when you hear the beep. Hey, here we go. Yeah, it's a hearing thing. We have saved a chair for you our listener and we've also saved a chair here at the roundtable for our guest this evening. Mike Speedbird. We are recording actually a hybrid. This is the second time we've done it. Mike's been berg is at the punch line comedy club with us this week. It is an out of club recording often we're in the landmark diner right there next to the club. So Mike, it's good to have you here at the roundtable. Why are we not at the club? We actually had a bunch of scheduling challenges to try to get everybody there in the evening. We knew you would be there but the three of us couldn't get there. So it's basically me. I'm sorry. I brought you I assure you, I'll be there. Yeah. How you been watching? I'm good man. I am glad to be back. How long is it? Was it been here before that after the pandemic during the past? I know it's been a couple years I have I blew my mind the other day that I have not lived in Atlanta in years Charlson for two years to try to save my first marriage and that's what we would do weird things like go stuff we never did when we were happy. So when we were miserable we'd go like paddleboarding that's you try to rekindle the flame you're out here in the intercostal waterway. Oh, is that an example of a together activity but you really are separate? Yes. And I could try it like Yo, you walk the bridge. Same paddleboard intro Uh huh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no to paddleboard, like you rent a little it's fine. The next one of those things like your counselor tells you to do like you guys should go out and go on a hike. Well, we weren't hiking when we were like having a good time in our marriage. Now you want us to go hiking, we're miserable and try to get along the same paddleboard? Yes, trust exercise, I would have pushed her in the ocean so well. And I was thinking and I don't always get into many of those types of crimes. But if you're in an unhappy circumstance and you are frustrated, suggest might be a good idea to go walk in the woods and the entire time he see fish and get dumped nobody there. Nobody find in that pond. Right. That's that's a great therapist. Go want to go on a hike in the wilderness. Go out in the middle of the ocean. Yeah. Is there any dark alleys about walking to very high places. I've lived there for two years and then move on. Now. I'm back in North Carolina. I'm originally from North Carolina and I got remarried. December 23. Thank you very much. I'm very happy I bought a home we have a house and things were looking up dude. I I pandemic changed me. I don't take like I told the crowd last night. I don't take this for granted. Yeah, five years ago, I would have found an excuse not to be here. Right? This morning, I would have slept in and I would have said oh Amber wants to go eat or blah, blah, blah. And last night. In the second show, like just because the crowd was smaller than the first show. I would have naturally toned it down and then a little more like us wouldn't get out of here. I don't have that feeling anymore. Right. I got on Facebook. I still have an account on Facebook. But I caught myself in the pandemic, I was arguing with the betta. on Facebook. In the pandemic. I was arguing with every like you wake up in the morning and you're there's nothing going on in the world except all these people on the internet chatter neurone opinions. And I found myself getting sucked into that. Yeah. And once I consciously made the decision to not do that. I'm happy as a lark. I enjoy being married. I mean, I'm the idiot that left the hotel this morning about my wedding ring on. But I enjoy being I enjoyed being married the first time I just think that we just, we met in our party stage. We my first wife and I we were 22 years old when we met so we went through the whole ecstasy and club any time and and you know, parties and all night long and Atlanta and stuff and going to concerts and doing all that stuff. So we just kind of were like, Oh, hey, I guess we're in love. Well, we were more like, you know, I could have married my best friend read. Yeah. And, you know, hung out and there's just as much fun as parties. So first of all, this is an audio podcast. So you didn't have to tell anybody about the wedding ring. Nobody wouldn't. I just want to put it on record that I'm here. Yeah, right, right. I'm being honest. It's interesting. How many comedians do a location verification? Coming in here coming in? I am definite. No, no, I'm saying they'll say the pie. I am actually where I'm supposed to be. Yeah. Well, hang on. Hold on a minute. No, we really want to go down conspiracy theories. I am in the hometown of my ex wife with my second wife, who's at the hotel and I just left the hotel for an hour and a half without my wedding ring. Yeah. I need to tell her Hey, babe, I'm here. I haven't seen any bucket picture. Yeah. Everywhere else you go, you make excuses and don't go out for a pot. Okay, is it 11 In the morning? Yeah. Yeah, the podcasts. So my dad doesn't work didn't wear his wedding ring, so he hurt his knuckles. Oh, that's what he would tell. Okay. Well, three marriages later that raises a question. I'm gonna ask our Utah expert. Yes. If someone has a polygamist, yeah. Do they wear like seven wedding rings on their finger? One Ring? Just a one ring or Yeah, with just notches in it. I thought that would do it like championship rings. And it'd be like, I got one for the thumb. Well, I think what what they often do is like best wife, you know, you have a best wife. That's who gets it this week did that promotion and relegation? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, it's like FIFA. And by the way, I don't know, a lot of polygamous family, but the ones that that I've, you know, read about and actually interacted with maybe their kids. Right? It does seem like there's one wife that is the head wife. She doesn't like that title, the lead wife and the head wife. Alright, so speaking of which, we ask lightning round style questions. To provoke a little conversation about these subjects. There are three topics of which we will only use two, you're picking them one at a time. So your three topics to choose from this episode, our director's cut excursions, or old dogs new tricks. Let's go old dogs, new tricks, old dogs, new tricks, starting with Adam, my question for you is so I'm getting to be the old dog myself, right? And is there anything that you think like an app that's out there or anything that I should learn at this stage that might increase my experience like make things better? Is there anything worth learning as this old Waze app, you know the Waze app no Waze app to the traffic driving app. I've heard of ways it all the time here I use Waze. None of you use Waze I'm not a laser it's why are you not always there? Because I know my way I know oh yeah, if you're driving around here I get it but like rip man it has they put police on they tell you where cops are just always tells you there's something in the road tells you there's a car on the side of it. It'll tell you hey caution, half a mile up on the writing car on the side of the road when you drive but literally feels like there's someone in your backseat who's like whoa, look, look, there's a cop slow down. So I'll tell you man, it tells you everything. That's awesome. But you had me though it police it tells you it doesn't fit ordinating it tells you to put your wedding ring on it does reconsider that outfit old dog new tricks. We have two new suggestions. Alright, Jamie What do you got old dog new tricks right what is the tattoo that you would get now that would be more appropriate on a 21 year old? Why would you get any tattoo that looks better on a 21 year old because you're an old dog you know what I think you know what I would get I would probably get the thing where that you have like the words have some kind of like saying or something right nice collarbone yeah go above yeah right yeah at the bottom of my neck it's a young man's game the collarbone but still we can still get across here like this and I have 21 year old stripper tattoos on his arm anyway I would do I would do right there. What would it say though? I would probably go sometimes salvation Nice. That's a black crow song but that song their albums their music means a lot to me so I think I just do sometimes salvation Okay, that's wrapping around the well I'm not gonna put I was just continuing the song. All right old dog new tricks as you have gotten older. Do you think that the tricks that you have learned are simpler? Yes. Things are easier like how far along can we get on this whole thing? How easy can how good can you make the bowling ball right trajectory have to easier and then sooner or later everything's so easy that we don't we don't have to do anything What are you going to do tennis got turned into pickleball gotta be easy small easy everything's That's our whole goal. That's everybody's goal is how to make it how to make things easier to use Heelys Neil rollers goes. Rolling sneakers. Oh, yes, it gets easier. It just rolls past everybody. So long sucker. All right. That's a good place to end. Our first segment here with comedian Mike Greenberg comedy roundtable puts on comedy Club. We will be back with more of him right after this. I'm telling you. Me when I tell them that. You're never going to make love on a waterbed. That's really fucking sad but your wife Paige looking to Dad Look at it. Mom look. They may love on a waterbed, man. You were conceived on that waterbed. You know when dad got into divorce, but gay did. Cooper used to bump and sail waterbeds. Cincinnati waterbed company come on down the river. We got motionless. All right back Lord man that was hard work that was loving commit there was no such thing as a six month lease with a waterbed man you built this up a bit you bought the house and you bought around it that was three days a labor like build an ark there's no way we're gonna be able to get all this wood in America you right back on air if you're returning a waterbed know you got bad parents. You take the garden hose bro you put one inside hold the water bath and you run it out the window into the yard. Made me and my brother we grew up in the same house we were brothers we got different days. We grew up in a house with his dad his dad and that makes my brother officially responsible for the sapping stole my phone. So you take that garden hose air and you put one inside a hole the water bed that you want them into into the yard and I stick it to my gum and roads take a warm shower in the water his mom's been making love Oh boy, it's my mom. All right, second segment here with comedian Mike Steenberg. This weekend at the punch line comedy Club. This is the comedy round table. The official punch comedy Club podcast we have two remaining topics on Mike excursions or Director's Cut excursions excursions starting with Adam so again this is a little bit of backroom we find out that you guys are bad about communicating categories to me because what I got was x curses and maybe I'm not reading correct do you need Director's Cut if you want to read this? No, no, no. We're I just want you to raise your hand when you hear the beep Okay, here we go. Yeah, it's a hearing thing, Adam Okay, so we're gonna go with my category which is x curses. Okay, and if they were to wanted to put the best curse possible like the you can pick any curse to someone that you dramatically dislike. What do you think is the best curse you could give someone words it No, just like a curse? Like you know, like, oh, at work. Yeah, it's curse actually. word fuck chop. I like to call people fuck jobs when I'm real mad. That is how a word. I've never heard it before. So I'm gonna fuck chop my way when you hear other people that you've never met saying fuck chop. And you're gonna know. We brought it forward from the comedy rounds. So put a curse on people. Yeah, what's one person one person? I'm not every person? No, no, no, you know just say get to pick the correct person. You but you basically say I have a person in mind. And I would hex them with with the Wow. If you have cursed anybody. Be careful because they could be listening and yeah, no wonder I like to eat eggs all the time. I would say they have to they have to live for eternity with someone exactly like themselves. Woof. Oh, that's so good. Right? Yeah. That's so good. Now good. Good to see what living with you is like the reflection around you is like yeah, you get you and you get you for the rest of your life. Enjoy. You see what you put out in the world? Yeah. Yeah, that's an excellent card. Alright, so I also thought it was x curses. Yeah, so you must have been it's not so you you're divorced, right? Yes. Okay, so no, I'm just kidding. Alright, so I heard it correctly excursions because my hearing is fully intact. Alright, so taking language barriers out of the equation. If you were given the opportunity to do a stand up residency anywhere in the world for one year, where would it be? Oh, wow. Anywhere in the world, Australia. Only because I've been on five other continents doing stand up. And that would be number six, and the seven would be almost impossible, right? Well, no, I'd probably pick an article because then I could probably go to Australia on my own. I pick an article so you're gonna be there for a year? Well, you're the resident comedy. I want to be the first comic on the moon and you better learn some science. I want to be the first comic on the moon. Okay, he's gonna do a residency one year on the moon, the moon, so it's good to see everybody tonight Matt Damon or nobody. I'm gonna go to Mars. Yeah, no, I pick I'd probably pick Australia just because I'd want to see it. Yeah. Do you go big town Australia like a Sydney or would you go like one of the small towns that you're Yeah. originates No, but I'm saying you're there for you. But I get to know its tendency. Yeah. She got to know the tempo had to be the same place. Yeah, I do that thing. That big thing you see in the walk by the water in Sydney, the Sydney Opera House, Opera House in Sydney, or the fox. I would I would love to do the fox in Atlanta. Just be like that. I've seen so many great bands there. Yes. Love that place to cool bill. What do you think about that building being built in antebellum south? Right? It's just so gorgeous. I think there's the secret apartment in the fog. The old guy died. Right. So so if you were doing a residency there, you would obviously go upstairs in that. Oh, yeah, I take that. You know, I'd like to go back in time and do one night at the old club when it was like how it was when we were young. Yeah, just one night like glass like going I have that drink, too. Like going back to the frat house. And having one more night where you're 22 years old just to enjoy the party. But you have the brain of a 50 year and you just kill it? Oh, yeah. Because then when you're when you're 22 you're not like what I was saying before you're not appreciating it. Right? And then when you're 50 you think look at all this missed opportunity. Yeah. What is the old club now? A bridal shop? No kidding. Yeah, they completely gutted it and got it so this you know, have you ever thought about doing one night you just rent out the bridal shop? And everybody goes down there and a single time? Comedians, comedians are all in dresses? No, never. Maybe you just do comedy for the bride shopping there crossed my mind. Is cafe 290. Still there? Where's Tommy in a box? The world moves on without us. Isn't that suck? Sometimes? Man Taffy to 90. That's the Jager bombs for I peed in the trash. Can you did? Anybody? Obama not pee in a trashcan? Don't make that your first time. That's actually what a shot is called. When you order in a buck. I get a pee in a trash can. Oh. Do you swim come in here. All right. Excursions you have traveled the world to perform comedy. Some of that has been on cruise ships. Correct? Every cruise ship has excursions correct. If there is one excursion that you could create, and one person not your spouse to go on that excursion with what's the excursion and who are you taking. Can I tell you where it would be like? Yeah, it would be in Sicily. Nice. And I would take my grandmother nice. Just because I would want her to see where she's from. She's Sicilian. So and so her parents came from well, so based on what you're telling us about the hair may not be heard, right? Well then, like you're questioning your grandma. Any of this look familiar to you? I want I would want my grandmother to see to see Sicily. Okay. We would probably probably go ziplining and Sicily. That'd be amazing. Would pet the dolphins or something? I know you probably don't pet dolphins in Sicily. I don't think if you're in Sicily if someone says you're gonna pet the dolphins. I think it's something else. Yeah. So like there are certain things that are like ruins in Greece or anywhere like in the Mediterranean. Right. And I would hate to think that they're installing like we went to the Colosseum in Rome and zipline Yeah, right. Like they've they've taken modern attraction and put it in ancient site. Yeah, not so much the Leaning Tower of Pisa anymore. It's the m&m factory. Right? It's the m&m store. Yeah. Toys R Us. PISA Are you do? You go to the top and drop a marble? It's a roller coaster down the entire tower of Pisa. Like you're ruining history for modern amenity. Have you ever bungee jumped? No, I've never done that. Have you ever bungee. Yeah, I've skydive but you did Scott up a tandem once? Yeah. 12,000 feet was amazing. Was it? Yeah, it was really cool. Did the tandem you looking up it's very intimate. Sorry. So that's gonna be an extra 75 hours away from me. I can't see the ground. See the plane. smaller planes getting smaller. This is really awkward. Like why are you so afraid? I don't want to go. I had a very bad experience with a curse. Surely gotta be a ripcord here. It's not the ripcord be fun. It would be a tire job. You worked at the at the maybe it would never get old if you worked at this guy are you should keep walking about it. Yeah. Great thing. We just jump out and you're the trainer guy and you get on the bottom and you just close your eyes. Don't tell me what's going on. I hate skydiving. I start screaming Yeah, this stuff scares the hell out of me. Tell me when we land. Other than seeing you live on stage where where do people see your content? I know you got to drive our special I got to drive our special out there. My album came out last year on on tour records. You can go to on tour records and find it it's called pizza Corn. You can find it there. Amazon Spotify, iTunes in which the number three on the comedy iTunes chart for about a week and a half so I'm pretty proud of that. It's a clean album so you can check it out. It's 45 minutes called pizza and corn just go on any of those places and Carolina comicbook.com All right, kill me on Instagram to Carolina comic. I'm not on Facebook. So find me on Instagram. Well, we appreciate you being here on everybody puts chair back where you found it and we will be back here at the punch line comedy club before you know it. The next episode of the comedy roundtable for Jamie Jamie and Adam. See you next time.