Comedy Roundtable

Mark Evans (Recorded Live on Stage at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta, Georgia)

March 02, 2023 Mark Evans Season 9 Episode 95
Comedy Roundtable
Mark Evans (Recorded Live on Stage at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta, Georgia)
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Show Notes Transcript

Mark Evans joined the hosts of Comedy Roundtable on stage at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta to go under the comedic microscope and answer our important and compelling questions. 

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Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on this episode. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Yeah, it's a geriatric business. Oh, the obvious is to go to his farting. Oh, right. Back in the 80s being a club DJ when you were 25 years old, there was a potential felony every night. I went to Catholic school going out okay, yeah, exactly. The nuns. I don't know who's gonna listen to this. But I wonder if there was just an unwritten rule from the contractor that if you find a bone, just keep going. We have saved a chair for you, our listener and we've also saved a chair here at the roundtable for our guest this evening, Mark Evans, welcome to the comedy roundtable mark, good to have you. Great to be here. So welcome to the roundtable. We're here actually doing a little bit different this episode we've been we've been throwing so many wild card settings, right? Normally we're in the diner between shows. We've done live show at a comic convention or the Atlanta comic convention and we had a live audience went great went terrific. Now we're actually on stage at the punch line with our guests Mark Evans. I think it's good that we keep moving locations because I've noticed when we were at the round table too much like people started to know that we were going to be there and then the crowds would start up front the paparazzi would set up outside by moving like this we kind of keep people on their toes he's the process servers are Bay Yes. The police yeah also the step ahead. comedy roundtable not yet subpoenaed. That's right. All right. So Mark, what you've been up to how you been things going? You survived a hurricane. Yeah, Hurricane Ian just scraped us. Yeah, doing pretty good down and being down in Florida now. The pandemic never really slowed comedy down didn't slow anything down in Florida, but you survived. Yeah, no storm damage yet as you lost to what a cup holder upon a pontoon boat. That was critical. Oh, we have a small hole in the roof, but it was nothing compared to some of our neighbors. Wow. cupholder though Yeah, and a shingle tore a seat in the boat too. So that's her. Gosh, there was nothing but you're calling the insurance company after the cup holder is gone. When will the tragedy stop? It's a pontoon boat. For God's sake. The engine will need the you need the cover. And you had just installed that 24 karat gold cup holder. Diamond. Seemed like a crazy idea. But you got insurance. Yeah, it's a pontoon boat. Yeah, I'm impressed with the engine. You impressed with this ease? You impressed with a couple of others right and the stereo hopefully does your does your boat Ave we've gone through so many attempts right now it's just the boat. That what y'all unnamed boat I know. It's supposed to be something bad luck. I know. You can't christen it or anything with it. What's yours named? I have a pontoon. Yeah, I remember I was on the pontoon. Oh, the pontoon the pontoon because it's funny because it's also Oh, yeah. I mean, come on. It's I mean, sometimes the answer staring you right in the face. This isn't exactly where I wanted to learn that Jamie had a pontoon boat. I was kind of hoping that I would learn that with him saying Hey, Jamie, wanna come on my? Yeah, so this is awkward. Yeah. Because everyone at this table I didn't on the pontoon boat except you. Yeah. This is this is great. I discovered something today that I want to share. Yeah. Magnet Fishing. I enter that magnet. I just recently something somewhere. Yeah, you're talking about like when you were a kid at grade school, and they have a little pool and the little fish are swimming around. And you have the pole southeastern fair magnet in the midway. Yeah, very much like that. But I'm saying giant magnet. Huge magnets take out the pontoon. Yep, go to like where the Marina is. And the gas pumps are and start dropping that magnet and picking up sunglasses and Apple watches and yeah, last phones. Do some magnetic. I just discovered it today. And it is going to be my new summer hobby. So you've I've actually been fascinated with Magnet Fishing for a little while. Like I watched the YouTube videos of guys who do it. Yeah, like there's a lot of YouTube videos of going on bikes that have canals. I always loved like the gun episodes. There's always somebody has thrown a gun into the water. I want to know if there's somebody with a filling. Pulling up the body. Yeah, we get the body probably get depends on how long the body has been in there. Yeah, right. Some of y'all made shoot right out of it. Yeah. You know, I mean, depending on how well the body is wedged, right? Yes. I don't know. But I'm doing nothing and fishing. solves some murders. Cool. It seems like such a fun like you never know what you're gonna get. I can't wait for like 30 episodes for now when you're talking about the time you went Magnet Fishing with Adam on the pontoon boat I've never seen I've only found that body. Amazing. Oh, good. I wasn't there was I wasn't there. for your purposes, he doesn't have a boat. Yeah, but they've been finding bodies that need like, like means yes. they keep finding, you know, people who were taken out, right. But in the casinos up at me, the first time I ever went to Vegas was a 91. Okay, and when you flew in at night, it was great because you could see the strip and all that. But now if you fly on the entire valleys lit up, yeah, they've grown over the last, I mean, huge grown. There had like 7000 people a week at one point. And I was thinking, all those homes they had to build way out in the desert, which was no longer right way out in the desert. I wonder if there was just an unwritten rule from the contractors that if you find a bone, just keep going, yeah. Because work would be stopped for how long would the police come out? Oh, you would? Yeah, you would probably so many problems were buried in shallow holes. Oh, yeah. I guarantee you. There were dozens and dozens of bodies. Yeah, there were just pushed to the side. You think they still buried him with cement shoes? Or just shut up? Go see Harold at the nugget. I don't bother answering that question. I'll give you $1,000 For every body part you found if you don't just talk about it, right. You thought about it. Okay, go see Harold at that nugget. He's gonna give you $1,000 We're never gonna mention this again. Do you think that the person who was fitting people for cement shoes, they called them the cobbler gotta go see the cobbler. Right? You know, I got to get the car, you know, and see the Cadillac now? Yeah. Get your own pair of shoes from the complex. It's cement shoes don't work in the desert. Right? They do work. You say you can't bury cement. You just can't do those damn now. Yeah. Okay to the questions. All right. So what we do is we do rapid fire questions. Okay, so we want are these are on rehearsed questions. So here are the three topics you're going to choose. Don't tell us you're only picking them one at a time. Okay, here comedy roundtable topics for our Mark Evans. Episode. They are bless you. What happened was, and the news that's fit to print. Pick one of those. Pick one of those. The second one, the second one. What had happened was starting with Adam All right, when I was a kid, whenever I got into trouble, I would immediately get everyone that I was together with when I when I did the troubling action. And got my story straight. Have you been in a situation where you've had to kind of get your story straight? Well, I went to Catholic schools growing out okay, yeah, exactly. The nuns I don't know who's gonna be listen to this, but I probably get mostly nuns, you know, those stories, those myths or whatever about the brass rulers across the knuckles. Yeah, all true. And happened all through your world. So when stuff was bad, and the nuns were going to be involved, you got to get your group out there and make sure your buddies and whatnot was easy because they had eyes and like spiders, man, they're like eight eyes. They're just not okay. So somebody gets caught smoking in a bathroom in high school, and you're everyone through grade school, there was a fire. So shooting up there was okay. So there's clearly someone has insulin, someone has diabetes and needs dad's insulin. That's what it was. It didn't take much to become a felony and what seemed to them Oh, right. And, you know, just sisters, they get they? Do you have a lot of explaining to do with your spouse from being getting? No, just as actually, when you're really smart about that? Because she started doing stand up five, six years ago. So she I take her on the road with me between that and that app that Apple has about tracing your phone? Yeah, I am forced into responsibility. Yeah. On the gravy on Yeah. Do you ever find yourself using the phrase, honey? Don't forget who the headliner is? Oh, no. Oh, no. You should try that one time. Come on, try it. Okay, try it home. Just be like, Hey, let's not forget it. Is is that if you're actually dating or married to a comedian, and you're in an argument, and they're going on too long, you can just like over the light. Throughout the life, that's so cute. You sound like, Oh my God. That's amazing. Could you just wrap it up? Yeah, this is your last joke. All right, Jamie, what had happened was tell us the story of the time that you came closest to committing a felony? Or if you've committed many felonies to your favorite film? Yeah, I haven't. I haven't really been a good boy. But that's good. You have lived a clean life. Blasket a different way. When you were a child and you dreamed of one day committing a felony? What would that felony? What would that felony have been? I was uh, how long have you guys lived in Atlanta? Oh, wow. Like, I'm 20 years. Oh, are you still born and raised? Okay. Remember? Studebakers? Yes, I used to DJ there. Okay. Back in the 80s. Being a club DJ, when you're 25 years old. That was a potential felony every night going home? Yeah, I'm trying to. I know, this isn't really a family podcast, but I'm trying to keep it. That's okay. Keep it reasonably clean. Yeah. Oh, there's just so much stuff going on. And what was that thing too? I mean, I've learned my lesson. But they said, for every person that gets a DUI, they probably drove 1000 times. That's right when it could have Yeah, so back in the 80s every night. Yeah. What's a potential homicide? You're talking about with like poor music selection is the DJ Yeah. Oh, no. All right. So that DJ is when you sit the 40 fives like word of D J has totally changed, right? I mean, you were sitting there flipping through files to try and find a record. 25. And then you have that record. Yeah, find the song. Make sure you had it on the right song, and then stop it and get the other. I mean, like, the world has totally changed, right? Yeah. When I was doing private parties, like one of them was on the riverboat out of stone mountain. So the guy would show up at this and then we have a haul all the music on and now you show up with a laptop? Yeah, yeah. Today, they don't know how good they have. They don't know how to walk 10 feet, the boat is sinking a little bit. A little bit lower. Oh, this is gonna be a good DJ we had to carry to carry 50 mil grace. All right, my turn for my question. Yes. What had happened was what is a story from your life that you thought was going to make a good joke, but didn't? Really, really not appropriate? It was a self realization when I was like five or six. And this is not appropriate. That's okay. Are you serious? Yeah. I mean, well, so. So hold on a second. I want to call them before you make your answer. Yeah. So this is a thing that happened in your life. You thought this will make a great joke in the open mic days. Okay. Yeah. And you tell this story as a piece of material as a what happened? What because all jokes are based in events that happened, okay, now, and then you realize, I should not have tried to do tell the story this way. The way you ask that? I'm gonna say probably this is not good for you to say but just based on what you said it please proceed. Okay, because I guarantee you, this happened in some shape, form or fashion to all three of you to so we can identify. Don't drag me into your this is your what happens? Not my Well, why don't I get the feeling that's going to be one of those things where he says it's happened to everybody and you look at him like dude, as it has ever happened, did the did you think that the audience was gonna say that when you told him? Well? Is that what your therapist told me? I told us way early and open mics. I don't actually want to hear what it is. I want to just keep talking around it. Okay. Tell us a little bit and then you will understand why I really don't need to tell you this. Okay, so this is a story from when you're a child. Yeah. 456 years old. A little older. 677? Yeah. Okay. already. Maybe a little bit later. All right. All right. Okay. Your body. Oh, my God. Mark, are you? Oh, you were right. Is there something above explicit tag? I don't know what I put on this episode. Thank God that is a good spot and segment. Yeah. So we could all take a shower roundtable with our guest, Mr. Mark Evans. We'll be back with more of the company round table. Jamie, Jamie and Adam right after this did involve showers. Storytime with former guest Russell Hicks. If you have a lemon tree, is there a way to protect the lemons from lemons dealing horse? Well, I think you know the answer to that. Yeah. American style. I think if you guys know my career well enough. I've spoken in great detail about lemons stealing horns. Yes. And I will refer both of you all three of you. To my Amazon special lemon stealing horse. I actually, I found the TED talk that you did on it was fast. I did I did a TED talk. I did a symposium on these lemons Stealing Horses. So we're just gonna refer to those rather than answer for you know, send our audience a little bit let's down the rabbit hole. Because it's a rabbit hole. My crowd knows my audience is tired of me talking about lemons stealing horse. They, to be honest, it was it was almost the end of me. I couldn't stop. There was a there was a period in my career where people had to sit me down and said, Listen, Ross, we get it. Well, it's a feeling for it to go down a rabbit hole with it. And the deeper you get into it, the more you're like, that doesn't work. That doesn't work. Well that actually will come now that you mentioned it. The answer is a rabbit hole, a literal rabbit hole. And then you just sort of guide the lemons stealing horse down there. So not a figurative rabbit hole. Now this is a this is a literal rabbit hole. You dig a little hole because I don't need to tell you lemons stealing horse. They're miniature. They're a miniscule people. They don't just sort of guide them down there. You let you throw a lemon. You roll it down. They'll go scurry and after it you know because they can't help themselves their horse. Yes, there are as as we've said, and then and then once they're down there, it's sixth birthday, baby. You get the snap, you know, and you just fill that sucker up and then towards the whole thing. All right, this is comedy roundtable. Our guest is comedian Mark Evans. Jamie mental Jamie. Hernan, Adam. Hey, are your hosts of the comedy round table we are actually on stage at the punch line. If you've ever heard Famous world famous now 41 years old world famous punch line in Atlanta, Georgia. We are working through our topics and your remaining choices are bless you, or the news that's fit to print. It's too broad. I'll say bless you. Okay, bless you starting with Adam. So when the when I think of bless you, I think of what you say when someone sneezes right. They bless you right? And I I'm kind of convinced that the bless you because zoom type thing was really invented I know it was had to do with some kind of sickness or plague that was going around. So you said bless you. It but it's really a way to get out of an awkward situation. Right? Because someone next to you has just sneeze. So you have a little phrase that says Oh, bless you. Or Gazoo tight or what's a situation you wish we had another phrase to just just instantly get you out of it when your body? Oh, here we go. Got me out of it. Last thing. Oh, the obvious is to go to his farting. Oh, right. You just stare him down or just? Well, if you had like a phrase, that's the phrase Well played, well played like or if you had a phrase, you could just say when someone farted and it was like, oh, farting, well played, and everyone just kind of moves forward. It's like, well, blade. All right. Bless you. Alright, so thinking back to when you were five or six year old boy, your body? What phrase like bless your heart. Do you use as your own personal dig at other people that they may not realize, oh, front didn't have anything when I was a kid. But what I have now is my wife just came up with bless it. Bless it unless somebody has done something so stupid. Or they've made a post that just makes no sense. Or they just completely show their ass. Yes. Just bless it, bless it. It's not going to tell you and forget about it. Forget about it. So good. All right. Bless you. Bless you. All right, if you were to be able to absolve people from a injustice that they experience, or a fault that they have. What are you picking? And why? Most recently, I've always been a crazy fan. But Alec Baldwin, you know, the trouble he's in right now. Right? The gun thing? Yeah. And they took off one charge. It's a minimum five years. And I think that common sense and justice should prevail and let him off the hook. Just from the facts that I know. Right. But you know, why was there ever a bullet on stage much less than the gun? Right. But he's not to blame, just from the facts given? I don't know. There might be some other stuff. But why this got deep while they have him in court though? Are there any movies that he's been in that he should be punished a little bit for? Yeah. Quite a few. Yeah. But it's interesting, though, because Alec did take a life insurance plan out on the other guy like two months before allegedly, it was the plot twist of all right, that just kind of says or a great like Agatha Christie that says like the actor who wanted to finally like murder the person he picks for the movie tonight that would be it'd be a good life. Christie twist of blame the prop guy. The good news is this is just check. This is 11 episodes in a row that we have ended on the topic of death. So this is well, if you want to end it not on that. Are you guys familiar with the villages in Florida? Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Yeah, it's a geriatric Disney World. Okay. And they huge, beautiful, it's very Stepford wife kind of place. There's just so pristine and all that. And they are known for having the largest concentration of STDs in the country. Oh, and because they are Swingers, there's all these things about, you know, upside down pineapples and or loofa, in your golf cart, following the party and all that it takes a village to raise a village and it's, well, I have a theory about that. And these are old people. Oh, this is yeah, you gotta be 55 just to live there. But these are like, that's the way I look at it is they're passing around all these diseases because they're not practicing safe sex is most STDs take what 2030 years to kill you. Yeah. And these people down there only have about 10 years left in them anyway, so they're gonna win that race. Yeah, let's go. So that's my little therapy. Anybody's heading down to the villages anytime. It's one of the biggest ones. Yeah, like it's 100,000 people or something? No more than that. I got 72 golf courses. Wow. They have a TV station or radio station. They had several communities that formed together to become one big one. And it is pristine. I don't know. I think what the HOAs must be down there. But it is amazing. They have on the for town squares. And they have a band, good bands to playing every night, seven nights a week. So at nine o'clock, everything closes up. I'm picturing like The Truman Show. So Mark, where do people find you on stage? I've been doing a lot of private stuff down in Florida. Okay, that's a 35 in ups that RV resorts Believe it or very lucrative. Laurie and I did some shows down the keys. Oh, hold on a second. I feel like the outro just stopped being okay, just to set the stage. RV park people are read in Yeah. They say Tuesday night comedy show. They meet down at the local, they sometimes they have a little community center. They have an outdoor bar, or the ID and everybody to make sure there they are at least. Yeah, well, these ones like we did a couple of down in the Keys Laurie and I did last month. And some of these people, I mean, these are million dollar RV. This isn't you know, those whiteleys coming down, and they're spending, they say the whole season 3035 grand to park there. Whoa. And they're really high end beauty facilities they have around, they're amazing. Now the one I did the other night is just a RV park for snowbirds. And it turns out 100% of the crowd, Ross snowbirds, and they have a place to park the RV then they have a little cabin that attaches to a cabin, for lack of a better term, but they're nice little things. But they're nowhere like in the middle of the state. They're nowhere near the water. But it's when you come in from Canada, they just want the warmth, warmth, right? So someone has built this ticket bought this land in the middle of nowhere, cut down all the Palmetto trees and basically a bunch of their board and they have have a lot of money to spend on entertainment. Alright, so for that we're gonna wrap up this episode here, because it is almost showtime for the show this evening. You're actually doing a show with a bunch of alumni from Jeff justice has comedy class, and folks are coming out and going to do their thing. And that was great. Because you started about two years before me. Yeah, I was in 93, you had to 9191. Okay. And you know, it was Chris's room had a great setup for open mic. But the one a lot of people there. And the punchline was always great. But most open mics are just brutal, terrible. And so when these people come in here and take Jeff's class, they fill the place up for graduation show they're floating on a cloud, then they go to an open mic and real world sets in. So I was sitting in my hotel room when I got in Vegas. And it's thinking how can I recreate that night and you're only a virgin once so you can't really recreate it. But I came up with this alumni group and let their freedom they have to be I've taken Jeff's class, they've already paid for that. And I just put a push ticket sales, and they get to have a full house at the punch line. We're gonna can actually do material, like what you have to do to open mic. It was funny after I booked the first one and started selling tickets. I thought, you know, I don't really check with Jeff minds. And he was thrilled. Some of them were just doing it still as a hobby and some are actually trying to risk. That's great. All right. So for Mark Evans, Jamie, Jamie and Adam, this is comedy roundtable butcher back where he found a way we'll see you next episode.