April Macie

People around here trust in the shepherd. Adam can do their Jamie. They always say the sheep trust him to the other round. I'll throw another log on the fire. Turn it up just to another episode of the podcast is starting now. Welcome to a brand new episode of the podcast. I'm Jamie bendele Jamie Hernan Adam. Hey Craig Barrett is our guest for this episode talented comedian April Macy. April. Welcome to the podcast. Hey guys. Hey, happy to be here. Welcome. It is a pleasure to have you here. Game Show format episode here the what we're going to be working with his lightning rounds, maybe follow up then additional lightning round. So we're looking for honest first reaction kind of answers to the extent that you can provide them and no limitations on language or subject matter setting the groundwork for joining us on animal I'm an animal guys so alright, animal first question. For you. This is just a sample question. Do you choose clockwise or counterclockwise? clockwise? Alright, clockwise starting with Jamie or April. Which animal is most likely to wear a plastic bag on its head when it rains? What animal me human because my grandmother used to make me wear a plastic bag on my head when it rains. And I look like a member of the clan as a child and I feel like it added to my comedic my life as a comedian always looking like I was part of a Klan rally at Disney World. I have a photo of you guys want it pretty excited. Yeah. A lot of your comedy you talk about dicks to strangers. Right So yeah, this is the size of the shippers at the motion of the ocean. I don't really care for big Wiener I feel like we big way in there. There are a lot of urinary tract infections guys. Tremendous amount of bacteria on a big old Wiener I like a nice small to medium and somebody that knows what they're what they're doing with their with their face and with their hands is all you really need. The face is probably under appreciated. Yeah, the face is really worth that related. Okay, that was really need to get their face involved more than their winners. Good. No good. Nope. All right. Yeah, I can. I'm relatively uncomfortable at this point. You have I'm thinking about making me uncomfortable. Okay, please leave the room. April has many stamps in her passport as you travel internationally. What is your first clue that the hotel buffet is going to be a good one for like a breakfast buffet. My first clue is if I'm in Asia, that it's going to be delightful because the Asians are rocking buffet breakfast, buffet breakfast. In Korea, there was a man made out of bagels to indicate where like a full size six foot man to indicate where the bagels were. bagel. Yeah, like a full man made out of bagels and like assorted juice bars where there's like 50 different kinds of juices. The ages are really rocking it out. Se breakfast is the most important meal of the day. What part of the man did you choose? Was this question, no question to be careful with these questions. Now these are expanded questions we can have discussion. So my question is that if there's a man made of bagels, where do you go to pick your bagel off of the man made of bagels? Uh huh. Well, you know, the groin is the way you're not even. He's purely decorative. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's He's like a decorative bagel ma'am. You You're really not supposed to pluck the bagels off the man. But if you were I probably go angle just to topple the bagel man. Oh, it's like a Django of bagels. Asian chefs chasing down this slack job from Georgia who came over here bagel statue, because they're like, I learned everything. We were We were at the beach recently. And there was a kid that had one of these, like neoprene flying disc things. I don't know. It's not a Frisbee. It's not a hard Frisbee. It's kind of got like a mash. Okay, frisbee box. Yes, yes. Right. Was it in the shape of a bagel? Or did it look like a bagel? No, it was a Frisbee. Okay. And it got caught in the wind rolling. And this poor kid was shaped tears streaming down his face, right like six years old. chasing this frisbee that he could not catch because it was caught in the wind and it was just gonna roll. And I was stunned at the number of adults who made no effort to intervene. No. And this poor kids how many cell phones popped out and they're like, this is gonna go content. This poor kid shake looking block. It was just like, but whose name is Daniel. Please stop, Daniel. Alright, Question two have I wanted to get doing great. Yeah, we're gonna award prizes here at the end. April. Yeah. You were crushing? Which animal would be most likely to be considered a threat to national security? My husband? No. He's Iranian. And he's Brown. And that scares people. Um, know what, what animals threat to national security? I'm going to say the grizzly bear. I don't know if that's correct. But I feel like if I ran into a grizzly bear, I'd be terrified. And when you go to Alaska, you're apparently if you're confronted with a brown bear, you're supposed to punch it. But if you invite it, like I guess it's smaller but a black bear. You're supposed to play dead. Oh, yeah. Interesting. Hey, guys. I was not expecting a phone call. But something tells me I'm not thinking straight when I'm being attacked by a bear. Late brown bear just a punch, black bears, kangaroos. There's probably here just to destroy the country and let him go. I wonder if I can find April's phone number in my phone. I'm just gonna. April. I'm not sure. I think the grizzly bears main food that it eats is the bald eagle? I think so. Yeah. No. But that would be amazing. If that was actually actually true. Yeah, we've got like the whole Russia America. That'd be great. And by the way, if that will turned out to be true. I would change my perspective on how amazing I think bald eagles are that they don't leverage their massive size and ability to fly to flee land based grizzly bears. It does seem kind of easy. Why does the guys just fly away use the wings to fly away? All right, you had howard stern have been have had quite a relationship over the years. What is this deal with Howard studio that makes people kind of open up in that studio in a manner they don't seem to anywhere else? I think he's a really great Interviewer And then I think it's really nice like author he's just like a quiet kind of sheepish fella. He and I mean, when I did it, initially they had asked me to do something ridiculous after last time extending and I said No, I did not want to be saying well telling my jokes. And so I think because I passed them something they were like a little a little nicer and like I had already set my boundaries but I wasn't going to be some pig lady. You know, have it putting an egg in my bank or anything? Yeah, this is why I can't break into comedy because I can't find the wall I don't want to do comedy while being spanked. Let me ask you this. Are you willing to consider a loan guarantee and adore deal? Question two for me is should High School proms be in the gymnasium or off site? off site? back in high school gymnasium and I think that's most like prom there. It's about getting laid? Right? Yeah. Which is why I always wondered why they would do it in hotels. It seemed to be a little bit too to facilitate enticing easy Yeah. Age looks my parent My dad was super overprotective. He was in the No, no boy. And then look what happens. You become an adult. He talks about DAX when your parents are over protective. I'm, I'm the prime example. You know your kids are gonna have sex anyway. Michael, let them bang on prom night. At least they're dressed well just not in the school gym. Alright, so we will wrap a segment one of the BA cast. We will be back with more with comedian April Macy. In just a moment. Honest to God 99% of the best content that's part of the podcast episodes never actually makes the opposite is true. Right. So as amazing as any individual episode is, yeah, it's all the in between stuff and the other conversation is we should sell studio tickets. I think this is a good time to mention that we are now on buying a coffee and people can go to buy me a coffee calm and they can there's all kinds of exclusive content there. They can get zoom calls with us they can get one of us to draw them an actual sheet they can get all kinds of amazing things on by mere coffee.com slash podcast, you would think that was bH CSC but it is not it is b h h. CST sheep I promise you most of our offline content is significantly more exciting than that. Then that promo horrible. Alright, hold on. Let's back it up. I think this is a good time to talk about the fact that we are now on buy me a coffee calm and if you go to buy me a coffee calm you can get all kinds of exclusive content including the one of the shepherds drawn you a picture of a sheep you can get a zoom call with a shepherd you can play your own lightning round like a news go to buy me coffee calm slash podcast. That's BHH ca St. Do it now. Are you bring us coffee now? Oh, Lord. Hey, producer Adam, can we get a coffee in here? The producer on the talent. Alright, welcome back to the podcast, our guest this episode, comedian April Macy. Check her out as she and all comedians returned to comedy clubs near you, very active on social media. I'm not saying you could completely use your Instagram as like an alternative to a Travel and Leisure subscription. What I enjoy the most I've got to say, like, I work, I work to afford my life of travel. Like I just want to see the world and the eyeball as much shit as I can before I die. And that's it. Well, I have to tell you, I am a follower of yours. And I am frequently viewing your Instagram stories, which I'm sure you know every time you open it up and you see that I am a viewer of them. And you go to some pretty amazing places. So you're never the pandemic sale guys. You guys didn't get in on that pandemic sale for cheaper now like now that I'm I'm working again pretty regularly. It's cheaper for me to get to Madrid than it is for me to get to Philly in two weeks. Wow, that's crazy. Oh, you were at some place recently. And the picture of the floating breakfast, floating breakfast in the pool was insane. You should wherever you go, I just got to play some Tuscany. You're welcome to use it anytime you want. If, if I told you what we were playing for our place in task, if you're like you can't get a band in Los Angeles for what we have. With a pool and a restaurant and tennis courts and olive groves and vineyards and Tuscany. We just have like a little two bedroom like little farmhouse Villa agriturismo. And I'm embarrassed to tell you what we're paying. You're like, why does anybody live here? That's glorious. I actually would would make the argument that of I know a fair number of comedians. And there are few when people talk about like live your gimmick. Yes. Right. You're familiar the phrase, whatever it is, April has 100% is genuine and authentic to who she is as a person. Right? So crushes onstage, but then says, Why in the world are you trapped living the life you live when you can go out and see the world and see all that there is to offer? Right and has done exactly that. Right. And I would make an argument from this perspective actually, April now that I'm thinking about it. I would argue You are the Yang to Tom Rhodes Yang. Whoa. Never been more impressed with a passport than Tom rose cameras. And I did this gig in the Seychelles for this for this Arab print on like 100 prostitutes and they're hairdressers. I've never seen a passport like I thought mine was good because I've added pages and I usually fill them up pretty fast. But Tom has added pages like the most his look like a small novel. And I was like oh, that that's an enviable passport right there. But it's dude that's so it's so it's one thing to say like oh, you should go travel and then you like look at how you live your life and you're like I'm going to work these weeks and then when I'm done with those weeks of going out and experiencing the world Yeah, no, that's my I'm doing six or seven weeks on two and a half weeks off. That's my my calendar and then you know like I also like I feel you have stuff to draw from when you go like I know the comics that are like always doing spots and like well what life are you leading to write jokes about if you're not out doing things experiencing things? It's not as expensive as people think like I'm I'm a pretty good bargain traveler like I'm obsessive with my miles and my rental car points. I'm obsessed with hotels, calm points. Like I try to use if I have a travel buy out I try to use my hotels for work travel and I put them for like It's loading breakfast night, right? They're not that expensive. I can't get over the Tuscany place so I'm not gonna lie to you and I'm worried about our sheep listeners in New York, who just wrote a mortgage payment for $7,000 last month for their one bedroom apartment is a little bit bigger than a phone booth in New York. And they're just sitting here cursing about I bet you that Tuscany places cheaper than this or any place they like. They're like, I heard about an olive orchard. A friggin Olive orchard. I have COVID Oh, see, you should watch it. We're gonna edit that out. Next time you show up there, there's gonna be 1000s of people who have all shown up and it's white trash, Alabama. Alright, so in this segment when we have a, a quick opportunity to do it. I'm gonna ask a Tell me more about one of your answers in the first one. So tell. Tell me more about the process that you went through with your husband after you got married? Oh, well, my husband's. He's Brown. He's like a light tan. He's born in Iran. But he lived in Florida. His entire adult life. They were 17. And we filed for a K one visa. So we that's like a fiance visa. And it was during Trump's travel ban. So my husband we celebrated our one year anniversary like we were married September 2 2018. And then we went to the US consulate in Naples, Italy, two weeks after I thought he was coming home with me. And it turns out our visa was denied because of the presidential proclamation. So I had a meltdown in the US consulate in Naples, Italy. And then we celebrated our one year wedding anniversary of my husband had never been in the home my home because of the travel ban. I had to write an LA Times op ed piece and write like a letter trying to make him a human instead of a case by case number two, the US consulate. And we got a second appointment after I wrote this letter was pretty sad. And then my LA Times ran on the Monday before second interview, and then we got our visa. And then America shot that Iranian general. And then my husband and I were like you better get here before they close down again, since we're just murdering general. Wow, this is our opportunity to switch to a true crime podcast make the decision now. Right now. Yeah, this is it. Yeah. Get your Troy's murdering generals podcast. I don't I don't think so. Yeah. Remember we were talking about? Yeah, he's got a restaurant in Italy. So we're like, oh, we were gonna take our time. And he was gonna like finalize stuff with our like our restaurants. And like, then once we thought that general we're like, oh, yeah, we're like, hurry up to come now. And then thank God, we did because our plan was to do it in April, and then borders would have been shut down, we would have been separated for pandemic. So one of the things that I'm always fascinated by is, do you think that relationships, I would argue that's a lot of stress on your relationship? Right, everything that you experienced? Oh, yeah, was awful. Okay, my hope is really balanced. And I'm a lunatic. So I feel like To me, the emotional stuff is always me, like losing my mind. Like, without, like, my husband has suffered from anxiety or depression is pretty normal family. So it's usually just me being just a pile of crazy when people make normal marriage complaints. And they're like, I don't know that I can stay with them another week, because they won't empty the dishwasher. Like I asked them to write Oh, yeah. And comparatively, you're like, we actually went through enough of a gauntlet. Right? That you would think that the that not saying that? Any marriage isn't without its hiccups. But that you withstood a good stress test early in it. No, it was awful. Like I just was like, I had a miscarriage and my husband couldn't be with me during Yeah, I like that miscarriage is a comedy club across the country, but like I was by myself, I had this fly. This is I mean, this is before we were married. This one was before we were married, but it was like, he couldn't come to my doctor's appointment and he couldn't like I had to fly to Italy, to like go to our first doctor's visit together. So yeah, it was super, super stressful. So April in the Euro portion of the day ready special on Netflix. You have a great line at the end as to what you would do to your husband if if he ever cheated on. Oh yeah, I would put that lug nuts in a bomb making pamphlet in his backpack and send them off to the airport. Alright, so with that we'll wrap segment two here with our guest. April Macy, high school proms, backpacks, suspicious backpacks and more here and our final segment lightning round to follow April Macy. Follow her anywhere you can follow quality convenience. We'll be right back with more podcast episodes. Alright, I don't travel a lot for work minute when I do, I'm very interested in hotel buffet. You are I am breakfast buffet. Okay, why kind of like the free breakfast and there's a big difference between the definition of continental breakfasts across hotel brands amazingly inconsistent you know, it's been worse about COVID is that it's put everything in a package so used to be heated tray. Create omelets. Yes. Now it's omelet in a pouch. Yeah. I don't like pop chocolates. Although they do say okay, you're staying here. We assume you know how to make your own waffles. We assume you can operate this machine but they don't COVID anymore. No, it's all gone. Everything is pre packaged. It's like have you ever had like waffle in a pouch? So if you get there late you're definitely getting the apple brand muffin. You get everybody gets Apple brand. It's it's eliminated choice. It's taken all of the I'm not a breakfast eater normally, but I like the idea of like I can have a look at me. I'm a traveler. Yeah, breakfast. As a matter of fact, I will choose what's going in my omelette This is not normal. never eats breakfast and sometimes Papoose and cereal instead. I shall have the finest wines and cheeses for breakfast. I want to take the mushroom it will be Mimosa Bloody Marys will be grapes. They will be omelets they will be I feel like we're staying at different hotels. What? What kind of omelet would you like? What kind of omelet would I like? a smoothie bar? I would like the omelet with both color peppers. Indeed. Red, yellow and green. Are you ready for lightning? I'm ready for lightning guys. It's about to get crazy. This is a lightning round. April. This is intended to be deeper questions. Shorter answers. Okay, quick as we go. Would you like to stay clockwise or counterclockwise? Or clockwise? I'm a rule follower guy clockwise again starting with Jamie. Alright, if we were visiting the zoo in pistoia Italy, which is just outside of Florence. Which animal do you think in that Zoo would be most likely to wear skinny jeans? Every add my husband there oh my god every Italian with them cup. It's like an unacceptable man pan and he's brought them to America. Like you really need to leave those pants and Europe. Outstanding. The if you could get rid of one state in the United States. What would it be? Oh, no. One day. One. Day West Virginia. Okay, fair enough. Do you lounge in West Virginia is not calling anymore. Did you say chuckles lounge in West Virginia. Is that a call? Do you just grab a random comedy name? Are you familiar with Chuck brown Jean? Did they not show up at the conventions? The comedy club owners convention? Okay, now, back to you Jamie and we were lightning so you're not interrupting? More lightning? Less than? April? How many cousins out first cousins second cousins do you think is reasonable to refer to somebody as a cousin? first cousin? I don't even know what second would be. Most of my cousins are crackheads. So I only like there's only like a few that I that I associate with. Fair enough. Lots of babies know so many so many masks like real messy. Real, real like feeling TV type of cousin real messy. trying so hard not to do follow up questions. Okay. All right, the years 2020. That's your set. Right? And an antelope is at the US consulate in Naples, Italy. And it owes you a favor. So the antelope is facetiming. You while standing directly under the picture of the former president hanging on the wall. The antelope is that if there's anything they can do for you before they leave the consulate, what do you ask him to do? on that picture while it's on the wall, that's it. But I almost read the picture off the wall until my husband reminded me that So, he was like, Listen, you're white. You're gonna walk. I'm Brown. They're gonna kill not vandalize a US consulate you live in a tech. We have new rules when you're with me also not likely to say I'm a US taxpayer. I paid for all of this. Yeah. All right. You've been given an elephant you cannot sell it and you cannot give it away. What do you do with the elephant? I give it to Don Rickles as a pet. Okay now elephant is a good dog Do you have a next backup comedian Pon pet name? Wait a net backup comedian I do for the cat The cat is Lucille Ball Buster right but now the next pet that needs a know what are you thinking you're gonna go with? I don't know who's I really blew my wad with Lucille Ball. That Michaels I would like to do a cartoon the dynamic comedy duo of like Don Michaels and Lucille Ball Buster cat and dog comedy traveling the world. I love Don Rickles i think is one of the best. Great dog pun names. The best dog don't like Lucille Ball buster. No Lucille Ball Buster is also good. From a dog like a you know, a lucky dog. Don Rickles is pretty good. Alright, this is a multi part question APR and it's gonna cause all kinds of heartburn to my co host. I know we're in the lightning round, final round, final round of questions. All right, there's follow up questions, so just relax. Relax. Okay, a flamingo is playing the French horn in a somewhat deep pond while slowly drowning. Okay. At this time, Edward James Olmos is in the same pond playing the Persian Centaur. The first question is, What song are they playing? Alright, the next question is which one of them do you attempt to save First, I'm going to save the sample or player because obviously the Flamingo is my husband's ex wife and she is a mangled twat. Well, that leads us into the Father. The final question which is Will your husband pay for the for the Flamingo to go to college? He will but only a few bucks another dude. Awesome. All right. That was very good. If a sheep walks through the door right now with a sombrero What does he say? And why is he here? Um, he asked me to sign a guacamole. He's here because my Uber order for my my Uber driver forgot my forgot my ship from a boat. Like, come with your guacamole. There is no extra charge because we were late for gwoc Yeah, but they never bring it Alright, final question. lightning round final question. For our guests. April Macy. This episode is named one thing still on your bucket list. Oh my Oh, I have a lot of plays that leave me like destinations or things I want to do your list? Oh my I have so many. I feel like I had a billboard in Times Square. That was pretty cool. I'd like my just my single day. I wouldn't want to share a billboard in Times Square. I crossed that off what else I want. I want a long running sitcom or TV show with a big with tignish. Well, and then when I have my biggest wealth, I would like to do the maldi and I would like to do a safari because I feel like you can't you can't go cheap on a on a Lion. Lion Safari. You can't group on it. No, that's that that one you don't want to do with with hotel miles. You can Groupon in piles. You can pick your pick as well. I could just bucket list and pick as well. generational wealth. Okay, that's a dog. That's not a lion. Worst Safari ever, literally a golden retriever with I would actually love to know. So there is probably an entirely undiscovered world of one star Yelp reviews on safaris. Right? Well, yeah, I saw one elephant. This was garbage. There were like two hippos in that river. He didn't write any of them. All we saw were friggin I've never seen All bile is another another abala I got it. It's a warthog wherever. Alright, April. Where do you prefer people to find you on social media? Because April Macy and my CIA my website they will Maisie Comm. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, my Twitter views for hostile United Airlines posts, but that really appealed to follow. It does indeed. Well, good. Well, we look forward to seeing you in Atlanta sometime soon. And you know, if you see is, if April is in a town near you definitely go check her out if you haven't seen her previously. It is a terrific show. And if you want really kind of a shortcut to interesting places to go check out around the world. The Instagram page of April Macy is where you would find it. Thank you so much for joining us, April. I really do appreciate it. Thanks, April. April. All right. That was comedian April Macy as our guest this evening. She is terrifically funny on stage. Last Comic Standing. Tiffany haddish. Netflix special and all the rest Sirius XM for a number of years and really, really very, very, very funny. So go check her out. I see. So we will award our points I would say out of a potential. Round one I'd probably I'm gonna shoot with your word. Well, she killed it in the what song they're playing some reserving some sheep there, but I'm gonna say 175 sheet. 175 Adam when he got how many sheep adored 175 Yeah, I'm not a full 182 but so we're really close. Yeah. All right. Without personal bias involved. I will get the 196 Hey, we're gonna 196 for those answers in that episode. Very nice. All right, we will check the totals update the leaderboard for all of us here on the podcast. I'm Jamie. He's the other JB. And as always batting cleanup is Hey, it's Hey, hey, it's Hey, okay. It's Adam egg, Taka, Taka sheep. farmers get to load. This episode of the podcast is over. Dumb no going. Back, don't worry. We'll call you back. It's time for another talk.