Louis Katz

People around here trust the shepherds. Jamie. In the other Jamie, they always have the sheep trust her to gather around. I'll throw another log on the fire. Turn it up just a touch goes another episode of the podcast is starting now. Brand new episode of the podcast begins now. Jamie Bendel Jamie, Hernan, Adam. Hey, and your visitor, comedian, writer, producer extraordinare. Louie Louis cats. You, you. Alright, so Louis, here's the format of the show, we asked lightning round style questions. So the first one is always a test question clockwise or counterclockwise. Be careful, clockwise, clockwise. Interesting starting with Adam. Okay, Rome wasn't built in a day. But do you think that the modern world if everybody chipped in, we could build the entire city of Rome in one day? No, no, I mean, he's no, no way we couldn't get along. It's it's like a reverse Tower of Babel there. What? How are we even going to communicate with them? I mean, this is crazy. Solid one day. Yeah. It'd be too much relationship building. that couldn't happen. Not the buildings could happen. It's just the people that screwed up. We can't unify anything for any small thing, let alone to build a deal. Imperial versus metric. Everybody's upset. Yeah, yeah. Not happening. Okay. Solid. All right. Yeah. Kids know, how are your improv skills? Incredible. All right, good. I'm gonna need you to improv for this question. You are going out of town for a week and you need to leave your kids with someone. Unfortunately, the only folks available are the cast of Dazed and Confused Which character do you trust with your kids? Or nephews or pets? The jewelry one? Yeah, like he might as well be one of my uncle's. I mean, that guy is like, I can totally relate. I forget. What's his name? That actor I know exactly. You're talking about? Is he the guy who played the Hebrew hammer? Is that the guy? Yes. Same guy. I still. Yeah, I mean, that's easy. Yeah, yeah. Blue hammer. Uh, you know, I can relate to him. He's got a vibe. You know, the kids will be comfortable up there and worried about the kids all the time. Exactly. Yeah, that is what I had is the correct answer. Hebrew, Hebrew. Hammer. Hebrew him. I said the Ben Affleck character from that because he just you just see him chasing around with a paddle chasing freshmen around with a paddle. Oh, that's if you want them to suppress abuse. That's what we raise them in the South. Alright, what is one circumstance where you could find yourself pushed to be a proverbial? Karen. Sometimes being a Karen is just standing up for yourself. And I was just on a train actually. Dude was just like blasting his music and yelling and I just find a flipped out. I'm like, can you please be a little more quiet? I just like, like, I couldn't I you know, I mean, it wasn't like, yeah, I was just trying to not say it the whole time. But he was just going off. And I finally just kind of like sternly said it. And, and he was fine with it. You know? I think that's the fine line between Karen and hero. Yes. Because I think the other people on that train were probably thinking you are a hero. Yeah, it just it just depends. You know, there's it really is a fine line. Like I think the Karen thing is when it's really none of your business, it's really not imposing on you. And then you decide you got to go in there and and and play a role that no one asked you to play and that is really unnecessary. You know, I think that's what that's where that comes from. I want to take that clip of Louis saying that sometimes being a Karen is just defending yourself and spend the evening do wedding that with Karen videos alright, so mine is it this is a theme of mine which is a who would win in a fight theme and this one is what a five year old in a Navy SEALs body with none of the training. But he's in the Navy SEALs fully trained body versus a Navy Seal with all of his training in a five year old body who would win that fight navy seal the five year old buddy easy. Oh, even though he's a little itty bitty guy. He's five and you've got a full big Navy SEAL. Oh, that's a killing machine. Yeah, kids small like low center of gravity. Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, there's not the muscle mass but I'm just saying this kid can make weapons out of different things. I mean, I just think that the little kid in the Navy SEAL body is not gonna know how to use that body right? It's gonna choke you out with paste. No, I'm thinking about that like the guys on your legs. He's you know sweeping those legs right away not even on your legs on your legs for a second on his way climbing up to slitting your throat I'm actually stick Yeah. Okay, he reads the riddle. Well, your lowest your last dying moments as the everything fades to that pinpoint tunnel vision. It's a Bazooka Joe riddle alright hit it but I who is someone that you would be worried about being hypnotized in front of anybody? I don't like that. I don't like people being inside of my brain. I don't like someone controlling me with magical powers. You do believe in hypnotism though. Well, I'm never usually the hypnotist is always at the Comedy Club when I'm not there. I would like to see the show once I'm at you know, actually know what comedian he's doing self hypnosis, which he says helped him a lot. But still, I'm very scared to just let someone else inside of my brain. I don't know. If you were too good at that you might not be able to get out. Yeah, that's what I was just thinking like, what the self hypnosis thing. If I put you down into a full trance, I'll tell you what happened to me the other day I had. I don't, I don't usually eat edibles. I ate edibles, because my friends said it just helped me go to sleep. And I woke up mid panic attack. That was like being punched in the face really? Like it? I did not. I didn't forgot that I even took it. I was didn't remember that. I took it and I woke up having a panic attack. That is not that was like mentally being punched in the face. I would say don't recommend it. That is not fun. What? Okay, so without, by the way, I get punched in my sleep every night. You do? Because unlike you, I do sleep in the same bed with my wife. And recently because I put on a couple pounds. Um, I have become snoring. Okay, I think my weight is now also making me snore. Yeah. And so Lisa will if I start snoring she she whacks me just to try to get to yes, she hits me in an effort to try and get me to stop snort like Fonzie hitting the jukebox. Yeah, well, sometimes. It's like yeah, it's usually like a kick and then at the kick doesn't happen I get a hit. What happened with gentle likes che she knows that will work. She just chooses to bypass that and go straight to the hitch. He's got an excuse to go. It's like a first three years of marriage, honey, and go. Yeah, now we're 20 and she's just like, wow, I actually so I got a we got a gig. We're gonna get back to lightning. We're gonna get get back to that. But so Louis, the only time Kelly and I are actually spending the night in the same bed is when we're on vacation. Because at home we sleep in separate rooms. Right? And so our habit on vacation is when people trade you know this show like, Oh, look at these great pictures we took on vacation. In our case, we trade audio recordings of the other one snoring. Oh, you should have heard yourself last night. In fact, I recorded this for you. So here you are. Yeah. hacking away. Yeah. LISA does that to me recently. Yeah, no, yeah. Get help. Yeah. All right. So you share it you share a bedroom on vacation and then you cannot sleep because of the misery on it can't even enjoy the vacation. Oh, it's the worst. It's like the it's the it's the craziest it is one of the worst parts of our vacation in the picture of the world's healthiest marriage. I know this is making it sound like it's awesome. But we are in our third decade. So alright. Alright, so that's gonna do it for round number one we are gonna be back in a second with more with our guests. Comedian Louie cats. We will return to where you think the pan flute is underrated? Depends on who's playing it. You know who the master is canceled? I am here. Right? Glad you pulled that right up. Actually, I usually a test I have for any friend if I'm going to be friends with you. That meant a dinner party with you. And I think this guy's pretty cool. We could probably be friends and I say who's the master of the passport? And if you don't get that right, then I just move on. Here's the sad part for me. Yes. About pan flutists? Yes. I couldn't tell you who's second. Yeah. Because there are not because Zam fear was it's like Paley who was so dumb. He was so much better. If you ever seen the second guy play Panther. It's like do you know where the guy who is second to Zamfira has no Renaissance Festival every time? Is it that or is there a pamphlet mafia that protects them fear and does not allow anybody to get up to that level? There's no cam flute mafia, right? It's just there is a guy. There's obviously no pantsuit mafia. I mean, there's the tuba mafia those guys have gotten crazy. Okay, so hypothetically, you're in college. You like to go see live music? Yep, you see that the local bar around the corner says we have Zamfira not yet master the pamphlet just a guy making his way yep. And you and your friends go see as if you're not the master yet but he's just not the master but he has pan flute in his ass off. Oh my God. Are you kidding me? So you're asking me if I want to watch pay late play in high school but you don't know what's paying? You don't know it's just a guy named paleo. Paleo and later when he's the master of the pan flute nobody believes you that you saw I saw this guy he used to play at a small bar we would go see this guy he was amazing. He was doing like yeah James Galway covers short hair that by the way. Kudos for me for James Galway second flute reference. Yeah. Yeah. Go back to our guest Alright, we are back. Next segment here for the bye Cast Jamie, Jamie and Adam, our guest comedian Louie Katz. This segment here, this portion of the show like to sometimes dig a little deeper and a topic was that was maybe raised in the first of the Lightning Rounds. And I have a sneaking suspicion that Jamie wants to revisit the building of a city in a day. It's a fair Get out of my head. Were there, huh? Yeah, good. How am I? So is it always the city of Rome? Or was it the Roman Empire? I always thought it referred to the Empire. The Roman Empire wasn't built in a day. Yeah, Adam? No. I think so. Let's be let's be clear. I think the challenge I was suggesting was, it's the exact replica of Rome today. Could you rebuild that in one day, if you had 7 billion people helping every resource on earth? All the people are really every time you say that, like that's a good thing that there's 7 billion people I think that's a bad thing. Whoa, are not a good thing. Do you? Like the construction equipment will work if the resources are good? The people suck? Yeah, I mean, you know, you could probably do probably 3d printed if you could get all these big 3d printers, but that's not the same. It's all big and plastic and whatever. You know, if Bob the Builder helped out at all, so first of all, I'm suspicious of any of the construction flip style programming to begin with. Oh, not too long ago, I happened upon an article that talked about how none of the cars on Pimp My Ride actually worked. Oh, like so they put this? Yeah, so they would put an aquarium in the trunk, but they never fixed the fact that it had a junky transmission. Oh, so the car wouldn't roll in the aquarium in the back. Yeah. So they never did anything to mechanically fix the flaws in the car. They just beautified lipstick on a pig. It was a lot of pigs wear and lipstick. That's outrageous. That sucks. Man. You just kind of crushed my my dream. I can't believe that's true. I want to revisit the Five Year Old Navy SEAL question. Your answer was so good that it's the five year old in the navy seal in the five year old body. I did picture that just incredibly effective five year old taking the guy down. And like, you know, using pinch points. And yeah. Okay. Now I'm thinking like, why are the Navy SEALs five year old? So in a way that I still hold on? I would modify your question and want to know, at what age do you become physically capable of utilizing your training? Yeah, right. So so five year old seems capable. But it's really close. They're kindergarteners. I know. But so now if you were to say, a Navy Seal and a four year olds body, no. Okay, for Navy Seal and a three year olds body, I would be more fascinated about how a fully trained seal in a three year olds body trying to figure out to be like, Oh, we haven't mastered jumping. Okay, would they be able to do these things? Do they just knew how to do them already? Or are they physically incapable of doing them with the amount of muscle mass that they have at that age? That's the question. So I would agree with you because I think the five year old, I don't know how, what the average age of a Navy Seal is. But let's assume it's like 25 Older than five, although certainly older than five. So let's say mid 20s, five year olds are really little now that I think about it. But if you took a five year old and you threw it in a fully developed Navy SEAL body, so we would that was the original part of it. But okay, my point is, is it's like putting a person who knows how to fly a Cessna and a fighter jet, solid point, right, like that seemingly. So I think that the seal is able to go into a less developed piece of equipment. Yes, toddler body. Yeah. Then a five year old who's like, Oh my God, look at how tall I am. Right? While they're getting pummeled by a five year old, right? You look at them those morals to it too. And I just think the five year old is not gonna be like, Why would I beat up this kid and the Navy SEAL knows it's got a year I mean, like, what kind of a five year old is out there like beaten anyone up? But so so this year's telling this neighbor, this five year old in the Navy SEALs body to then beat up a five year old, right? Morally, that's gonna feel inherently wrong, even though because he's not the train killer. He's just also it's a five year old, right? So if you feel inside of the fibroids, body's just going like, why are you doing this? I'm only five. Yeah, tricking you. Next thing you know, you're like, Oh, I'm sorry. You're just five years old. Bam. They murder you. You know, that's why I think they use the fact that they look five to their advantage. I think we can all just agree. Navy SEALs are masters of disguises, and we can't trust five year olds. We can't trust five year olds. Right. Well, I mean, I think normally you can because they're usually but you should never trust that five year old with the Navy SEAL mentality. But you don't know so the next time you see a five year old are you not going to second guess whether or not Yeah, I don't understand why we're not training five year olds to be Navy SEALs. One five year olds have bad times. A lot of Navy SEAL training takes place after dark out in the woods. You You're not allowed to be out that late. Okay, right. And the Bogo, we would have an elite daylight fighting force. Until it man until it was a time it's about three. Yeah. And could you imagine being like the Navy SEAL team mom to be like, does everybody have their snack pack? Because we are about to go on this mission and we cannot turn around. If I have to, if we have to go back for your gun one more time. This is not gonna work. That is actually a big part when you think about like mission planning to because they'd be like, Okay, so we can't we have to launch the mission at this time. They'll engage the water at this point the boat will get mad, we've got to schedule and like or we got to get it all done before three and back to the boat. Because these kids are gonna get tired. They're gonna get grouchy they're gonna start killing each other. Fair enough. Okay, solid. All right, we will be back with the next round of lightning questions our guest comedian Louie cats with more on the podcast after this so I think it's been a while. I think we need a good dog Bad dog update. Okay, so bad dog is getting super cocky about running away. Oh, no. So if you leave the door cracked at all, he is gone in a flash. Okay. And because he's running away so often, I now know where he is running. Okay. He goes to the same point. He basically goes to the same place cuz he's dumb talk. It's stupid. Yeah. And then I realized as long as I show up in a car and open the door, you have certain Oh, and then maybe he wants to go for walks? I don't think so. I don't think he wants to go for walks. So then we get home we get in the driveway. I do my best to be visibly seen being disappointed in my dog. Yeah. And then as soon as we go in the house, he goes right in his crate. Because he knows that's where he's gonna spend the rest of the day in the hole because he's had a bad day. You escape. That's how prison works. Yeah, you escape. You know, in the home. He just walks right and walks right in the home. He knows he's doing hard. I can do the time. Maybe he likes the cave. Maybe that's the only way he can get to the cave. I send them in I send them in there all the time. He's done the crime. Yeah, it was worth it. He knows now when I go gone, which drives me crazy. Because you're dumb enough to learn command. But you're not smart enough. Or maybe he is the ultimate smart he's just choosing to ignore you. Oh, he's like the Dr. Evil of dog. You really should have gone this whole time you have to talk about good dog. Let's cuz she's a saint. Next round of the podcast lightning round starts right now. Our guest is comedian Louie Katz, Jamie Bendele. Jamie Hearn and Adam Haig are your hosts, we always give the guests the option to answer the question for a second time clockwise or counter clockwise, counterclockwise. Oh, counter clockwise starting with Adam. All right, a PlayStation, or actually an Xbox? Whatever the current version of Xbox is, is transported to the USSR in 1961. Can the Soviets beat NASA to the moon? Now you think all the technology that's in that Xbox still doesn't get them there for just playing the Xbox? Right? Then other distracted? I don't drag that and actually, you know what's funny? In St. Petersburg, Russia, I did it one show there. They actually have a museum of Soviet video games. And man, when you see how sad these video games are, you're like, wow, we really want like, it's so the video games are not even videos. They're like, it's like physical like, it's like glorified pinball machines. It's, it's you feel bad for those Russian kids in the 80s. When we everyone else had Nintendo's and they were playing these machines. It was really sad. But it was it's cool to play them but like, Man, I'm just telling you, the Xbox will blow their minds. They wouldn't take it apart and learn out and go to the moon. They would play Xbox, and they would and we would still do it ruins. It ruins their chance. Yes, actually. Yeah, yeah. It was like Iron Curtain. Iron Curtain two iron curtain three. Yeah. It's also how you defeat the Five Year Old Navy Seal is thrown X box in the situation. Yeah, probably. Alright, so you're sitting on a train next to a nun and your sixth grade teacher nearby a toddler appears and demands that you either recite George Carlin seven dirty words or literally kick the child off the train a literal kick. Do you curse in front of your companions or resort to violence against the toddler? Perhaps you're not familiar with my work? That's a real easy one for me, man. It's gonna be this easy. That's pretty easy to me. I mean, I think it's pretty. I think it should be pretty easy for most people with any set of morals or ethics. Also, don't kick the toddler off the drain curse in front of a nun. All right, in high school. Which of your friends had the best car and which one was it? My friend Conan had like a 67 or 68 Camaro was awesome convertible. Seriously, like, you know They're actually like, you know, it was cheap and would break that. You know what I mean? Yeah. Cool. Yeah. No, but it was like, I mean, as far as like it being easy to drive, but it was man, it was so cool. That car was so cool. Who had the worst car? The worst car? I mean, my friends with no car, right? Yeah, so I'm finding that as I move through my life, I've converted from different alcohol, beverages and cocktails. And so I now have a current drink that I drink. But I also remember the drink I used to drink when I was a couple years younger than I thought was D drink. So my question to you is, what's your favorite alcoholic beverage or cocktail? And what was the last the one before it? The ex wife if you will, man, that's a good that's a good question. In the pandemic, I got into wine. I got way into wine that not that I know anything about wine now, but I I liked drinking wine. I still you know, I'm learning about it. I don't know about I drink the cheap Trader Joe's wine. But I really like wine now. So I'm way more into wine now. And before that, and still when I'm trying to really go out now I like a tequila soda splash a pineapple. That's my signature drink. Oh, and sometimes I get it tequila soda. If you get a just a petroleum soda tastes pretty good. Which was your favorite Apollo mission? Are you serious? There isn't an obvious answer. 13 Oh, I don't know. Was that the one that made the movie of I was they did a good job. Yeah, he tried to he tried to throw gotcha at you. And I actually crushed it right. There was any number of at least 13 could have given there were several after that. Yeah, I said no one is gonna do one through six. Come on. Okay, sorry. Go. Okay, that was he was there Apollo. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna replace that question. Yeah, please. Awesome. I'll splice it. Completely out. couldn't have been worse. That may your travel years all tie wars question. Disgusting replacement question and go of the astronauts that were on the Challenger mission. Who was your favorite? Oh, Jesus Christ. Stop it right now. Just stay with the stay with the Apollo. Okay, Apollo 13 If you picked one of your teachers to be which teacher McCloskey? I thought your question. Yeah, right. She knows too much. She knows too much. She had to die. Alright, are you gonna ask a good question? I think you were on. I think it's your you've missed yourself. Okay. All right. Question. What is the name of the novel that was written as a dramatization of your high school experience? Oh, no skills. There you go. That's the name of the high school band. Oh, I think that would be a great name for your skills with an s or z with an S but the I was upside down. We use an exclamation mark when we typed it. Dang. up on you. That's nice. Dang. So your high school band The Affer mentioned no skills. No skills. Right. You have to say that with exclamation but just in the middle? Yeah, not at the My question is opening song was and closing song was open with we had a no skills theme song that we wrote. We just brought her on theme song. So what is theme for those girls theme song we might have closed and open within those fields theme song. Alright, if you had the opportunity to be this is kind of like the five year old seal type question. Those are good. But if you had the opportunity to be you inside the body of an athlete completing a sporting event, who's the athlete? What's the event? I mean, first of all, I'm just not a big sports guy. So it's gonna be hard. I would be that basketball player. First of all, I would definitely be a basketball player. Because I've always wanted to be taller. So I would just love just just to experience Thomas would be incredible. And then I would probably be is a James worthy. Yeah. Lakers one who slept with 20,000 women. No, Kareem? No. Maria will do it will change. That's why be I'd be Wilt Chamberlain. Just live in my life. He literally shows up to the game. And he just hands the body back over to Wiltons like you got this game. I'm not really interested. When you're done. Yeah, there's some ladies that are waiting. That would be our last round of questions. All right. Was there a food you loved as a child that you still love today? Yeah, chicken soup. You love the chicken soup? I love the chicken soup. Nice. Why are you doubting that I love the chicken soup. I'm not doubting I'm just more thinking like is there is or how do you take your chicken soup? Or your candles in the mouth and he started he said that he liked wine. He started questioning him on his his wine taste. Now he says he like chicken soup and you're quizzing him. Yeah. I want to know is a cat prove it. Come on. Come on, Louis. Are we talking Campbell's. Does your mom have a special recipe is there my grandma would make chicken soup and it was incredible. And I still I don't I don't. So it's chicken soup. I've I've had chicken soups that are similar. I like it with a with a parsnip in it is a parsnip or turnip. I was confused parsnip and a little bit of dill. That'll bring me back to Grandma's house man. I love that. Are we talking carrots and celery there too? Oh, yeah, of course. Okay. All right. What is a smell that most people dislike that you find strangely appealing? Well, first of all, I'm very I got a very sensitive sense of smell. I was really worried about COVID Because I love smelling stuff. And I enjoy smelling things in general. I like mothballs. You know, I like the smell of mothballs. I like you know, gasoline. Always a favorite but I say mothballs is I kind of enjoy that mothballs scent. Kind of that cedar closet Marsh mothball smell. Yeah, yeah, I like that. I'm gonna cut out moth just balls. It's like balls. Balls. No, I love the balls. Louis Lily, I have great news. We have just learned from the people that award Nobel prizes that you are the recipient this year. What is your prize? And why did you win it? I mean, I guess for literature, new to my comedy. I mean that Bob Dylan got it for literature, and he writes songs. I'm sure eventually a comedian could get it. I would be blown away. Have I ever got it? I don't think I would ever get it. But I just don't know what else I would get the Nobel Prize for. I'm not an inventor. I don't make peace happen. All I do is good. Good. Best thing to do is comedy. So I guess that but I would that's not going to happen. But I would say yeah, that you've given that answer. I love the idea that some emcee at some club says so what do you want me to say about you? Well prize winner you need to say that I'm a Nobel Laureate. That'll be awesome. You may have seen your next act at the blah blah blah right but he is also a 2022 Nobel laureate they have to add that to the he got you know what I mean? That's the really next level if you get he got and then you get the Nobel Prize. I mean, oh my God. That's right. That's the ultimate Yeah. Do you have any reoccurring dreams? No. Oh, not not reoccurring. Okay, I don't I'm sorry I don't have any I don't have any reoccurring dreams. I mean, no, okay. No, no, I don't think I used to have dreams that when I was again that I was like flying, but I haven't had those a long time. Yeah, I missed the flying dreams. I never had a flying dream but I did have this reoccurring dream that I was going to be crushed by a UPS truck that tipped over Oh, so I wouldn't say was very specific. It was very specific. So in your dream since you see like a UPS truck going into here go it was me riding my bike and this truck would come around and it would crush me. Wow. Every time you set up a struggle you just like turn to turn around. I was in my neighborhood when I would run I would just get off the road because I was terrible. They looked so tippy so they do very tippy, tippy. Very what can brown do for you can crush me on my bicycle. I always had a dream when I'm flying that I'm struggling to get off the ground. Like whenever I have my flying when I remember when I was a kid and I had flying dreams. It was like once I get it started it just goes but it was always like hard to get started. I felt like that great American hero we kind of use just like jumping around a little bit to try and get the thing fired off. I can I can usually glide. I couldn't fly like I could like if there was grass. I could like jump from high up and land on the grass. Oh, so kind of like a hang glider. Yeah, but without one but yeah, right. Right. It was kind of like that. That was when I was a kid that was the dream I would have no propellant just kind of like a glider like a floaty landing. Easily. thing. That's pretty cool. That was cool. So Lou, where are people gonna find you online social media, if they're looking for you where they're gonna find you. Um, you could find me you know, just go to my website, Louis cats calm that's Ello UISKTZ. But you can also follow me on Twitter. And that is I believe, saying my name is Katie Z, or on Instagram, which is even better. I'm more active on there. And that's Louie cats comedy. So look for me on Instagram is Louis cats comedy, or go to my website and you can find out about all my upcoming dates. The first week of December, I'm headlining at the San Francisco punch line. And you can see me there. Awesome. Thanks, Lou. This was fun. Thank you. Thank guys for having me. Appreciate it. Bye bye. That was comedian Louie cats. Go check him out. His live show is terrific. So go see him when he is in a town near you for Jamie, Jamie and Adam. Make sure you like subscribe and encourage your friends to follow. This is the podcast taka taka sheep. We love you. Fires getting low. This episode of the podcast is over to gold now. Back to where you are another podcast